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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

am i being unreasonable be honest...

14 replies

honey86 · 18/03/2013 12:12

oh got jealous cos i 'liked' a pic of a muscley man on fb even though he used to do it alot. i mentioned that and he denied it when i saw it with my own eyes. basically calling me a liar in no uncertain terms. so i called him a liar and he told me if i call him a liar i can do one. he accused me of having 'double standards' and went to one of his female friends and badmouthed me. he keeps telling me i 'really hurt him' by liking the pic. he was fine until i got preg now hes changed. he dumped me twice in the past and pretty much has a 'my way or no way' attitude. if i go against what he says he plays the victim card. i cant shake off the feeling hes starting to become controlling now im pregnant. ive been in an emotionally abusive relationship before n it ruined me mentally. so i dunno if im just being paranoid cos of the past.... atm im getting the silent treatment... i just think no woman should have to live in fear of being dumped just cos i dont do things his way... am i being reasonable? or is my hormones just going nuts Sad

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 18/03/2013 12:13

He sounds like a controlling arsehole, tbh. Sorry.

Pandemoniaa · 18/03/2013 12:14

oh got jealous cos i 'liked' a pic of a muscley man on fb even though he used to do it alot

He also likes "muscley" men? Well at least you have that in common.

But seriously, he doesn't sound much of a catch. Does he have any redeeming features?

Feminine · 18/03/2013 12:15

I think this man is trouble. Sorry.

ScarletLady02 · 18/03/2013 12:16

He does sound controlling....I have no issue if my DH sees a picture of a beautiful woman and admires it...we even talk about things like that. He wouldn't care if I did it either.

His reaction is the worst part of it...I can understand someone with insecurities not liking their OH's "liking" pics like that....but he had no need to talk to you like that.

HorryIsUpduffed · 18/03/2013 12:23

I wouldn't Like a photo of a muscly man on FB unless there was a witty caption or something but DH wouldn't feel remotely threatened if I did. On the other hand, if he calmly asked me to unlike it, saying he knew it was stupid but would I mind very much because it had offended him, I would roll my eyes and do what he asked. It isn't so much what you have each done as the reactions.

Shouting at each other and calling each other liars doesn't sound like the kind of relationship I'd want to be in either.

Talk to your midwife about it maybe.

acceptableinthe80s · 18/03/2013 12:30

Midwife? Do they do relationship counseling now? If it's his way or no way it doesn't sound like he 'does' compromise, i might be wrong but i don't think relationships work without a bit of compromise. He sounds very immature not to mention controlling. Do you want your child raised in this kind of environment?
YANBU or paranoid.

Icelollycraving · 18/03/2013 12:30

Red flag! Do you have any rl support?

ChocolateBridesmaid · 18/03/2013 12:31

How old is he? 12? - he went to a female friend and badmouthed you, really, what a dick.

Kick him to the kerb, tell him you have been in a mentally abusive relationship before, know the signs and wont stand for it from him!

If he doesn't apologise, then show him the door.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 18/03/2013 12:34

I think that you are not being unreasonable. I think he sounds like trouble.
ok, fair enough, we all have insecure moments. If my husband 'liked' a photo of a beautiful half naked woman on fb I would probably want to cry Blush and I may take out my insecurities on him by getting angry. How would you feel if your husband had 'liked' a photo of a scantily clad woman on FB?

But what you describe goes way beyond normal green eyed monster and unreasonableness due to insecurity and is worrying.

It's the sort of behaviour that is likely to get worse, not better.

HorryIsUpduffed · 18/03/2013 12:46

No, midwives don't do relationship counselling, but they do need to know if their patients are at risk in abusive or potentially abusive relationships, and can arrange referrals to other agencies if necessary/helpful. And talking to someone you already have a trusting relationship with IYSWIM can often feel like a safe place to start.

sooperdooper · 18/03/2013 12:48

He sounds about 12 years old, I'd laugh at my DH if he said something like this, he's being an idiot

AdoraBell · 18/03/2013 12:51

Sounds very controlling to me.

MsAkimbo · 18/03/2013 13:13

YANBU. Agree, he sounds like a 12 year old.

honey86 · 18/03/2013 14:34

weve been arguing all day. this time he put the phone down on me cos i said my kids family ( on their dads side... their dad died ages ago) would be kindof related to the baby due to my kids being blood related to them, u know, genetic links n all that family tree malarky... now im confused x

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