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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS,13, wants to upload videos of himself on Youtube...

24 replies

GrimbleGrog · 17/03/2013 21:01

...and I've said no. He's not happy; "Muuuum, everyone's doing it" etc etc

He's made some short films with a friend, they've assumed fake identities. They're mucking about doing incomprehensible teenage stuff that makes them collapse into a heap with uncontrollable laughter and I don't get at all. You know the kind of thing, funny dancing, weird voices, all innocent and pretty funny really. They've filmed some in his bedroom, some outside the house.

He's put it on Youtube and linked to his FB account so his 10 trillion friends with their non-existent privacy settings can see it. I've asked him to take it down, he's very upset, says it took him hours and we're never going to let him do anything.

Can anyone link me to some "safety online" guidelines so I can check it out for myself? This is all new territory, he's our pfb, AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
GrimbleGrog · 17/03/2013 21:02

I've namechanged 'cos I'm super-paranoid :D

OP posts:
Phosphene · 17/03/2013 21:03

I really don't see the problem as long as he doesn't reveal his identity and his location. But then I am very 2013 and believe it social networking etc.

Original poster
GrimbleGrog · 17/03/2013 21:06

Hmmm, this is the problem, we don't want to say no to everything and we also believe in letting him learn how to be safe online. Banning everything won't work, in the longer term.

The thing is, since he's put it on facebook he's easily identifiable via his friends, iyswim

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/03/2013 21:10

I think the only thing I'd be concerned about in this situation, is that some Youtube comments are very cruel.

Would he brush them off if for example someone was horrible about his looks or his clothes or something? Or would he take them to heart?

Other than that, I'm not sure what's wrong with being particularly identifiable as long as he's not giving his details out?

Original poster
GrimbleGrog · 17/03/2013 21:16

Well, what I'm imagining is a 57yo pervy "friend" of a "friend" of a "friend" on fb seeing the video and becoming interested in the boys and identifying them via mutual "friends" who may give details out.. It wouldn't be that hard, would it?

Like I said, maybe I'm being ultra-paranoid. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
GrimbleGrog · 17/03/2013 21:17

He's pretty robust regarding cruel comments, he's always been happy to be different and has had 13 years-worth of brushing off comments. I take your point though, he'd need warning about that.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/03/2013 21:17

Yes I think you are Grin

I'm sure he knows not to give his detail to people he's never met and not to meet up with them.

Unless he's naked in the video, I really think you're over thinking this a tad Grin

MrsRandom78 · 17/03/2013 21:18

Watch the CEOP film 'consequences' on You Tube with him and see if he still feels the same...

Talkinpeace · 17/03/2013 21:19

When he sets up the account, sit with him going through all the security settings.
Get him to make the first videos non searchable : he'll have to send the link to his friends.
Get him to set comments to moderated, or even blocked initially.
He WILL do it, better to have him do it with you understanding and supporting him.

Original poster
GrimbleGrog · 17/03/2013 21:19

Thanks WL Grin.

He's a good boy and he shows us all the film before he publishes it, we don't want to slam doors and lose that trust.

There are guidelines for this kind of thing, aren't there? I think I need to get up to speed with it all. Can anyone link?

OP posts:
Original poster
GrimbleGrog · 17/03/2013 21:20

Ohh, x-post. Thanks mrs R and Tp.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/03/2013 21:27

That's a fantastic idea Talkin. I don't know anything about Youtube really but if comments can be blocked or moderated, that's great.

Grimble, there's probably a Youtube tutorial that will take you through security and all the other features.

Perhaps have a look for one?

livinginwonderland · 17/03/2013 21:30

unless he's doing something illegal or something that will impact his future (racism, sexism, etc.) then i don't see the harm :)

Talkinpeace · 17/03/2013 21:33

I manage my husband's youtube channel.
We get the odd nutter posting and messaging, but I delete and block.
The main thing your son has to realise that he should NOT overpromote his early videos - if they go viral, they will - but the people who say they can help that along are all sharks best avoided.

Kids are addicted to youtube. Most of what makes them laugh leaves me cold, but hey ho.

AmberLeaf · 17/03/2013 21:34

What livinginwonderland said.

If it is just general 13 yr old silliness, then I don't see the harm.

That CEOPs video isn't really relevant surely?

HollyBerryBush · 17/03/2013 21:34

The comments on you tube can be blocked.

So long as he uses an ID rather than his real name.

Every teenager between here and kingdom come is doing it.

thornrose · 17/03/2013 21:35

Is he prepared to be ridiculed by children from his school who may/will post vile comments?
He will need to be more than a little robust from what I've seen.

Talkinpeace · 17/03/2013 21:40

thornrose
do you have a YouTube channel?
do you know how the settings work?

the VAST majority of youtube videos are ONLY watched by their creator, close family and friends.
And yes, do NOT use real name or date of birth or twn in the ID : you can always change it later once you are a star

thornrose · 17/03/2013 21:45

If it's only being viewed by close family and friends why is OP worried about
"57 yo pervy friends of friends" and his "10 trillion friends with non existent privacy settings". I am replying to that scenario.

Talkinpeace · 17/03/2013 21:47

because chances are it will be posted on facebook
and again
OP needs to sit down with her son and run through the Facebook security settings and understand the implications of the different classes of post (friends / friends of friends / public) and who comments and shares are permitted by.

All of it can be managed, you just need to be methodical and aware.

Original poster
GrimbleGrog · 17/03/2013 21:47

Well now I feel as though there's an argument brewing and I'm not sure what about or who's involved!

OP posts:
thornrose · 17/03/2013 21:49

I know that Talkinpeace, why have you posted your comments solely to me?

Talkinpeace · 17/03/2013 21:51

OP
my DD has a youtube channel.
its wall to wall drivel, only of interest to her friends
I monitor it
thats the best approach

thebody · 17/03/2013 22:03

I am amazed he asked you to be honest.

Most 13 year olds just do this anyway.

Nice really that he asked you.

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