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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for baby clothes back?

21 replies

dimplebum · 17/03/2013 20:28

A few months ago, I gave an old friend some baby clothes. They were all really good quality and I gave her 2 big black sacks full. She asked when I gave them to her if I was planning on having any more little ones and did I want them back or should she send them to charity shop once grown out of. I said I wasn't planning on any more but to send them back rather than charity shop as a couple of my friends have recently found out they are pregnant and I'm sure could make use of them.

Well today, I have seen many of the items I gave her (free of charge!!!) on her fb page for sale. As of yet, she has made £47 from clothes that she said she would return!

I think what has annoyed me more is that one of my friends could really make use of these as her DH has recently lost his job.

AIBU to ask for these clothes back for my friend?

OP posts:

kinkyfuckery · 17/03/2013 20:29

If you made it clear at the time that they were on loan, then of course YANBU to ask for them back!

girlsyearapart · 17/03/2013 20:30

Yanbu. And if she sells them the money should go to you!
If she actually bothered asking you what you wanted done with them then she should listen to the reply!

Original poster

dimplebum · 17/03/2013 20:32

Yes I made it perfectly clear. It was actually on message via fb and I have just checked my old messages to make sure.

OP posts:

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 17/03/2013 20:33

Not at all. I'd be calling her and saying "You know those clothes I loaned you? Remember when you asked if I wanted them back and I said send them back rather than charity shop them because I have other friends who could make use of them? Are you able to drop them off or shall I collect them?"

I think it's best to start off with a recap of the original conversation so she can't counter with claiming she didn't know you wanted them back.

UniqueAndAmazing · 17/03/2013 20:33

yanbu.

sibu
she should return them to you and give you the money she's "earned" (but the latter is unlikely to happen)
she's taken.the piss monumentally as you made it clear from the outset.

firawla · 17/03/2013 20:34

yes ask for them back then, you didnt give it for her to sell that is really rude

breatheslowly · 17/03/2013 20:34

YANBU - you need to act now to get them back or she will have sold them all!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 17/03/2013 20:34

oh, x post. Even better. You can simply c&p the whole conversation if she claims to not remember!

loubielou31 · 17/03/2013 20:35

I think she's BVU, We have been given so many things for our babies and in turn when we've outgrown them they've been handed on to others. That's our cot and changing table as well as lots of clothes. We could have sold them and made a bit of money but they were given to us and so I felt we should pass them on to someone else.
I would ask for your things back and I would not be handing down anything else in that direction.

Smartiepants79 · 17/03/2013 20:35

This is just downright rude!
A form of theft in fact.
I agree with telling her you need them for another friend. Give her a really good sob story about how much they need them. Make her feel guilty.

UniqueAndAmazing · 17/03/2013 20:36

ps, if you've done it via fb pm, then you have proof that she's stolen from you

CloudsAndTrees · 17/03/2013 20:36

Keep a screenshot of the conversation in case she deletes it. I'm not sure if she deleted it that it would disappear at your end too, but just in case.

SPBInDisguise · 17/03/2013 20:36

Yanbu

Areyoumadorisitme · 17/03/2013 20:43

YANBU as you specifically said you'd like them back. I'd message her along the lines of, I see you're done with the clothes, can I have them for my friend now then please.

MumOfTheMoos · 17/03/2013 20:51

Outrageous!

NandH · 17/03/2013 20:56

Dam that's really cheeky!! Do not hesitate to ask for them back ...and the £47!! How rude, and if she makes a deal of it or accuses you of causing a scene...link her to this thread!!!

MidniteScribbler · 17/03/2013 21:01

Go in to where she has them listed on facebook and put in the comments "Gee, aren't these the clothes that I lent to you, and you were going to return to me? I don't recall you selling them for a profit to be any part of our arrangement."

Publicly shame her. How RUDE!!

HollyBerryBush · 17/03/2013 21:02

Does she need the money though?

ginmakesitallok · 17/03/2013 21:04

I'e been watching The Lady Vanishes and have reas this whole thread in a plummy English accent - try it. It's quite entertaining.

LilyAmaryllis · 17/03/2013 21:10

I agree, her selling them is a bit of a shock. I think you are completely entitled to object.

BUT in general... I think it is better if, when people pass things on, they just pass them on with no conditions. I found it stressful trying to remember which clothes "belonged" to the one person who gave me babyclothes but wanted them back (everyone else just gave them). Also stressful wondering if she would notice the absence of the ones that got ruined.

Ditto with toys, really problematic and guilt-inducing if you lose an annoying small piece of a set or something breaks.

Please everyone, if you give something away, please do the person you're giving them to a favour and don't give it with conditions.

loubielou31 · 17/03/2013 23:36

I have handed stuff down to my brother with the condition that once he's done with it he GIVES it to someone who needs it. He is not to sell it. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. And I think the OP is most cross that the clothes are being sold not that she isn't getting them back.

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