to find this quite tiresome, and quite insulting

[idontwantyoursperm]

To cut a long story short, have fertility problems and treatment being necessary, donor sperm is needed amongst others.

I haven't broadcast it from the rooftops but I haven't made a secret of it either, amongst fairly close friends at any rate and when people first found out what was at first a minor irritant is now really, really pissing me off. When I first told my friend that I'd need donor sperm she piped up with "HEY! You could have some of (her DHs)" The same friend today suggested my brother could give me some of his sperm, then fell about laughing when I gave her a disgusted look

I've also had 'friends' offer me some from their husbands or boyfriends. They aren't being serious - I think most of them would run away screaming if I said "oh go on then" but in a way, that's worse. It's like they don't take it, or me, seriously, and to be honest that hurts.

At first I thought it was just embarrassment - I've explained where the sperm comes from (in terms of banks, you understand) and that it is vetted and regulated and checked but I am just sick of contending with these childish pathetic comments.

Sorry - a rant rather than AIBU. I'm not being U! At least I don't think I am!

There's nothing more odious than really obvious jokes that everyone makes.

Oh, dear, you shouldn't have told them because people are childish and will exploit anything for the sake of a laugh

Don't try and explain yourself, just outright tell them that they're being rude and should shut up.

Oh YANBU at all!

How rude and horrid of them :( Are they very young?

Hidden; I have started to do so - not so much like that but have said "look, I don't like it when you do that as it feels like you're laughing at something that matters a great deal to me."

Then they usually insist they were being serious! at which point I always want to say I wouldn't want their DH's sperm anyway because he's a knob

Just reply - "fantastic, I've always wanted to fuck your husband, when will be convenient?"

That's bad. Are they embarrassed?

YADNBU obviously. You might have to get quite tough on them and close down these kind of jokes with a stern talk. It's a sensitive and difficult time for you and they are being very thoughtless.

Ali, not really! Mid thirties: old enough to know better!

Most people have been lovely but it's two or three people who clearly find it hilarious

YANBU. These comments are childish, insensitive and crass. And as for the 'friend' who suggested you use some of your own brothers sperm...well, if that is her idea of humour (esp in this situ) then I fear it's time for some new friends!

Dr love it! Haha!

I had one 'friend' who was going on and on and on about how she'd be happy for her boyfriend to donate if it was still anonymous because she didn't want him to get a "knock on the door" in 18 years time and it would damage the child when he wasn't interested. Since she's already got two children by a man who isn't interested in being a father to them i wanted to bite back with that being more damaging- but i didn't!

I think johnsonscat is right, I think they are embarrassed but I don't understand why!

YANBU!!

I think DrG has the right idea. What do you think they would say if you said ok then. I will take some of your husband's sperm. When can we arrange that?

And then when they bluster about it, it's the perfect time to say how pig sick you are of them making jokes about it. You are trying to have a child. It's not a joke. They are hurting you.

That would really piss me off.

YANBU and Dr Google has a brilliant idea!

It really just beggars belief that you have to explain this to adult women, doesn't it??

When they offer their husband or boyfriend, just say "No good, we've already tried but it didn't work."

Dj, there's any number of 'good' answers and comebacks, I guess what I find hurtful is this idea that my situation is something for a cheap laugh. I don't want to be over sensitive about it but honestly have had months of it now and I'm just getting really sick of it. I did tell a friend off earlier and I know I hurt her feelings as she looked really upset and i did feel bad as she didn't intend to hurt mine but it's just so frustrating. It's lonely enough facing fertility treatment and a kind word of encouragement would mean so much instead of stupid comments!

Do you think it's that awkward pause, where they don't know what to say, so say the first stupid thought that pops into their head?

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time

It does, Idont, it really does.

You wouldn't have thought they would be so unthinking.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such comments.

It's lonely enough facing fertility treatment and a kind word of encouragement would mean so much instead of stupid comments!

I think that would be a wonderful thing to say to them. it should really make them think.

Op, I've got three ch

Yanbu that is awful

Sorry-I've got three children conceived with donor sperm. I think you've been very unlucky itch your friends rew

Yeah, Ido, I think it is that. None of them are mean, horrible people but while I can excuse the odd stupid comment when you've said a bright "Ha ha! Well I'm not sure that's quite appropriate, are you?" six or seven times it gets so annoying. I've shown them the sperm donor banks, shown them what it involves and the difficult not to mention expensive process ahead.

Ooh sorry everyone! But it feels SO good to verbalise everything I've bottled up

Yanbu. They probably don't realise how hurtful they are being with their flippancy.

Aargh-trying to type whilst bf dd2 - not going well! The short of it is, I think they're being surprisingly ignorant of the trials you've been through to get to this point and I'm really sorry. Can you get counselling through the clinic? Really helped me to sort out everything on my head. Do feel free to pm me if you want to chat. Good luck. It's been so worth it forbid and although only a few in our circle know all of our story, I think you will find plenty of people who don't see fit to make jokes about sobering that has a pretty significant and painful journey to get to an amazing outcome.