To expect people to take there shoes off? Sorry rant ahead!

[Damash12]

We've recently had a new carpet and it's not f@@;ing rocket science to see we have added a shoe rack near the back door but why do people look at you with a put out expression when they ask the question "do I need to take my shoes off?" and you reply "yes". And what's worse is those that know but still choose to walk in and just not bother or the best one, those that keep their shoes on and bloody tip toe around the place, like that makes it ok. I've actually had 1 visitor roll there eyes when I've asked them to come round the back, it's about 5 yards FFS!! Rant over!

I love these threads-they turn up with regularity! They are rather pointless because no one ever changes their mind. I don't find it in RL, but MN seems to be full of the carpet worshippers!
I certainly don't want people tramping around my house in bare feet! I assume that they know if their shoes are dirty and would take them off if they were.
I don't like taking mine off, but will do so if asked BUT the one thing I won't do is wear the dire 'house slippers'.

DH tried to tell me this was about where people lived - he grew up in the countryside and so was required to remove his shoes. But my mum grew up on a farm and didn't take off her shoes. So I reckon it's more to do with class/houseproudness.

I completely understand asking children/teens to remove muddy shoes.

I regularly sit on the ground outside and would have no qualms about then sitting on sofas.

Oh, and DS was a baby who put everything in his mouth so it was safer for guests NOT to remove their shoes as once they were off he'd make a bee line for them and chew them

It's very rude to expect guests to remove shoes. If they want to take them off, that's fine, but if they don't, it's rude.

It's cold, it's grim (shared athlete's foot anyone) and it can be embarrassing (smelly feet, holey socks, etc).

It's also terribly common. You don't see queenie getting people to toddle around Balmoral in their socks, do you?

Now I've seen OP's response.. even as someone who removes shoes, YABU for installing cream carpet immediately inside the front door. If you have a house where the front door leads directly into the living area (which it sounds as if you do) that first area inside the door will become dirty much quicker than the rest of the carpet.

Even with shoes-off in our old house, the front hall carpet (we rented, I'd not have had the carpet) beyond the mat I had inside the front door was quite dirty by the time I cleaned the carpets when we moved out.

The carpet salesperson should have advised against it. :(

The front door in our old house opened from the street to the living room. One of our neighbours, a germphobic freak whose children were ill all the time because they had no immune system was so rigorously shoes-off that you basically had to remove them in the street.

This is a situation that divides many many places, not just the UK.

I used to belong to a US based site where threads about this would go for, literally, 1,000s of posts of heated argument on this issue.

I don't get it and I never will. Even my step-mother, who had whole rooms no one was allowed to go into, even her, due to 'keeping them nice' (apparently to look at as they certainly weren't for sitting) would relax her rules when she had guests. Isn't your guests' comfort the most important thing?

Just to point out that NO ONE has clean shoes unless they're fresh out of the box! I don't want to go into the bacteria on dog mess (not able to be seen by the human eye) that could be traipsed into someone's house but asides from that it is good manners to take your shoes off. In most other countries, people take their shoes off outside the house. In fairness, many of these places don't have the sewage/drainage facilities we have but at the same time, why would you want to bring anything from on the floor/outside into your home, especially if you have kids crawling around and sticking their fingers in their mouths all the time?I think it's pretty disgusting to not take your shoes off. YANBU.

Tee a guest's comfort is important but how is it so bad to ask them to take their shoes off? If they are the sort of person to mind, why not keep a pair of those hotel slippers for them to put on? My children's comfort is the most important thing to me and knowing that I have a clean (but not spotless or clinically clean) home.

A MN perennial!

But, yes, YABU

I don't expect people to remove their shoes. I think it's rude to ask and I hate it when people ask me.

Cream carpet straight from the street? I think yu're fighting a losing battle there shoes or no shoes. (I think I'm one of the few on these threads who doesn't care whether shoes are on or off)

Carpet in my home was a HUGE expense. I CAN'T afford to replace it. Therefore, it's shoes off. For everybody. No exceptions. NOBODY, not even the queen, is getting past my downstairs hallway with shoes on, unless they are willing to stump up for a new carpet!!

I can't afford laminate, I've only just finished paying back a loan that took me 5 years to pay off to pay for the bloody carpet.

Poorer people like me HAVE to make their carpets last, and the easiest way to do so is to make it a no-shoes house.

Plus our hovers aren't that good either, AND there's no way we can afford a vax or anything like that...

I would imagine that bare feeet in summer, with all their oils and sweat, will damage a carpet far more than a pair of well-wiped shoes.

Germs are normal. Even if you take off your shoes and your guests shoes and spray them all with bleach and make everyone wear special slippers and boiler suits, you won't be able to prevent some contamination.

I would always take my shoes off if asked or if entering a room that has ridiculously impractical white carpets. The only two houses I visit like this ate my SIL and one of my neighbours both of whom bought new houses where the developers installed the carpets. Why you would actually choose carpets like that downstairs is beyond me.

I hate it though. I remember the moment of panic when I had on ballet flats and had a horrible fungal nail infection and verrucas. Thankfully they are gone now, but even so when wearing ballet flats, the soles of my feet get dirty anyway.

The world divides into those who think it reasonable to ask for shoes off and those who don't, and ne'er the twain shall meet. FWIW I have never asked anyone to do so and if am honest don't love it when asked to do so.

So there'll always be a divide. What I find strange though OP is taking it personally when people don't want to do it. It's nothing against you whatsoever. And what I find really absurd is OP huffing and puffing that she has worked bloody hard to buy that carpet and seeming to take it as personal attack that people are trying to ruin something for her! That seems to be deliberate looking for a way in which offence can be taken.

In none of my posts did I say it was a cream carpet and it would have been silly to have purchased one with us coming straight off the street, but I did choose a lovely thick pile that looks fab with lines in when hoovered and even better with no crap all over it!! ;-)Dread to think some of the replies I'll get to having banned husband from balancing his glass of red wine on it (coaster on table, please). Oh, and as much as I love Ds aged 4 he can eat his banana and other sticky snacks at the kitchen table not near my carpet or sofa Thank you very much!! Surely that can't instigate me be hung for child cruelty???
I know a carpet and sofa are going to get wear and tear and I'm not stupid to not know having children means your fighting a losing battle but surely just trying to keep things nice/clean for as long as possible is not a crime.
May,I just also add the worst culprits for not taking there shoes off are the ones that know and those who even suggested it. Ie my bloody step dad said before we had the carpet "ya want to lock the front door and make them cone round the back and take there shoes off" low and behold if he tries the handle or knocks at the front door every time he comes and then he comes in and sits down and looks put out when Ds (well trained) says "grandad you haven't taken your shoes off". To be fair most guests/friends usually have manners and ask if they need to take their shoes off and it's family who think the rules don't apply to them.

I grew up in a shoes on house, never thought much about it, was just what everyone seemed to do. Moved to Asia and everyone leaves their shoes at the front door, everyone. Go to a nice party and there is a pile of shoes outside. Don't think I'll ever think that wearing shoes in someone's house is Ok, even now back living in the UK, it just seems so gross. also where some of my family live you can hardly walk for dog shit, there's no way you wouldn't be carrying some of it on your shoes.

Wouldn't ask guests in the UK to remove shoes unless it was obvious that they were filthy, but it just doesn't make sense to wear outdoor shoes inside your home. Most people I know just remove their shoes anyway.

I love the picture you are giving of your home, Damash. You should be a character in a sitcom. Actually keeping the front door locked so people are made to go round the back is way beyond the normal lower-middle class shoes off fussiness. As is hoovering your carpet in such a way it makes stripes. Bless you for giving me such a laugh.

A house is not a home if you cannot relax.

Constantly worrying about the sofa and carpet would eff me right off.

You will be giving DH his wine in a sippy cup next.

It is ridiculous and inhospitable to ask grown-ups to stand or sit around in their socks. Muddy trainers from the garden are taken off at the door, but normal house-shoes stay on. Your guests matter more than your carpet.

I only looked at this to see how long it took for a pedant to tell you it was their instead of there Amazed its rude of you to ask someone to take of their shoes but not rude to correct someones grammar, weird old world.

I think its fair enough, I would be surprised if someone told me to but its not a problem (except I generally have a hole in one or the other big toe - I think they must be diamond tipped they way they cut through socks)

We were obviously not brought up to take our shoes off so it is a habit I am trying to get in to, the children wouldnt dream of wearing shoes in anyones house as they have taken them off since they were small.

We have tiles in the hall but a pale carpet in the living room and i'd rather people took their shoes off. Personally, if they dont come to that decison for themselves, then wouldnt to ask them. I just get George out and give it a going over every few weeks.

I was once asked to take my shoes off at the door of a friend's house. Looked down and her carpet clearly needed hoovering - the soles of my shoes were actually cleaner than her floor, the dirty mare!

I've noticed a lot of people have said guests' feelings come before carpet but who are these people that would be offended by taking their outdoor shoes off inside? Why would it bother someone that their host didn't want outside stuff inside? Is it because it is taken as a subtle way of saying they think you are dirty?

perhaps this may be a wise investment,OP?