About the time ds spends on computer games

[Barbarashop]

Ds1 is 10 and ds2 is 7. We have a system in place where they don't play computer games on school nights (find it harder to wind down, results in arguments etc) but on the weekend they are allowed 6 hours from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. They start of with 6 hours on a monday and lose time for bad behaviour etc. during the week so whatever is left on Friday is the time they have.

This has worked well in terms of managing their behaviour ( they aren't particularly naughty and usually lose a maximum of about half an hour during the week).

So, ds1 used most of his time last night and has now run out of time. He complained but is over it and has gone off to do something else.

DH says he doesn't think 6 hours is long enough and that I am being unfair. I think it's more than enough but then, as DH pointed out, I don't play computer games and don't know 'what it's like'. So, AIBU? Should I allow them more time than this? I honestly don't know who is right.

You are right. COMPLETELY right. 6 hours is plenty.

Stick to your guns. No doubt loads of people will come on saying it doesn't do their DCs any harm, but as a teacher I can say that it certainly does in my experience. I wish more parents were like you!!

I game, as does DH. 6 hours is massive. Don't listen to DH.

Thanks ScillyCow, I'm just doubting myself because DH is usually on the same page as me about most things but he also likes computer games ( not to excess but given half the chance will enjoy a few hours on the Xbox) and loves films and TV and doesn't really see the harm in any of it.

Mrs.Pratchett - see, now I'm thinking is it too much? I kind if thought a couple of hours Friday night after a long week at school, two hours spread out over the whole of Saturday day and evening and same Sunday. They don't usually have all the hours bunched together and it may be half an hour here and there. Last night, I was late home and we were busy so I admit, they probably stayed on it longer than I am comfortable with for one sitting.

I allow my DC a maximum of 2 hours at a stretch during weekends. He usually end up playing a couple of hours on a Sunday morning when the adults are doing the supermarket shop and then lunch, and a couple of hours in the evening, when dinner is being prepared (providing homework has been done and school bag packed).

So I don't see 6 hours total as being too.much screen time. However, allowing more than 2 hours at a stretch IMO just encourages kids to become obsessive about gaming.

I think I'd agree with you groupie, I think maybe we've caused the problem because we allowed them on for too long last night and now they've run out of time. If we'd stopped them last night, I could have told him to come off now but he'd at least know he could have a bit of time tomorrow. Not sure how I persuade DH that 6 hours total is enough though.

My 15 yr old SD has 2 lots of 1 hour on a weekend day. She did have 3 lots of 1 hour but I found out she had been going on the Internet when she was supposed to be asleep so she had it reduced, her grades were slipping too. She was allowed 2 lots of 30 mins maximum on a school night,depending on homework but that's been cut back too.

She is a nightmare when it comes to computer stuff, she gets obsessed with things and then everything else is forgotten about. I have tried allowing her longer, but the longer she is on it the worse her behaviour so she has ruined it for herself.

Completely up to you and you're not at all BU but I think it is on the strict side (but hey, the strict side is often the best!), my cousins growing up had an hour a night and I remember pitying them

Have you used a less rigid system in the past? As a youngster I was allowed as much as I wanted within reason as long as homework was done to the best of my ability, I helped around the house, was well behaved, went to bed on time etc, it would limit screen time a lot and encourage them to put real life activity first, then leisure (as you have to in real life), without getting into arguments over hard limits. But then, like your DH, both my parents played games.

Obviously, your family is different to mine and your DCs different to me so that might be useless to you.

If they don't like using it all up, they will learn. They are old enough to think that they might want to 'save' a couple of hours.

Sorry, been out, thanks for replies. Will have a think and a chat with DH and see where/if we can compromise in any way.

The time spent isn't the issue its what they do when they aren't gaming, arguably watching TV on their own is far less stimulating for the brain. 6 hours isn't much per week especially when it's all at the weekend, why not reward good behaviour during the week, very good behaviour obviously!

I don't have game playing age DCs but to me 6 hours especially over just the weekend sounds like LOADS. What else do they spend 6 hours doing?!

My mum used to limit the amount of TV I watched as a kid and the time the TV went on (never before 4pm, no TV in my room) and in hindsight I'm really glad she did that. I don't have fond childhood memories of watching TV or playing computer games TBH but I have loads of playing outside, making up my own games, riding my bike, reading my favourite books and doing arts and crafts.

They do karate, swimming lessons, Beavers, both on football teams, both love reading, we spend a lot of time with family and friends and they are love imaginative play ( a bit less with the 10 year old nowadays) so I'm not really worries about the time they don't spend on games as I do think in general they are well rounded, happy and healthy.
It's so hard to get the balance right though, particularly with the oldest as a lot of his friends don't seem to be regulated with their game playing and they all like to meet up online to Minecraft. With the youngest, he doesn't always use up all his time anyway.
I don't want to be too strict but I also don't think it's healthy to hours and hours sat in front of a computer screen. The Xbox/ computer are in the family room and neither has a tv in their bedroom.
As you can see from the replies, there are quite wide ranging opinions about how much is too much and the problem really is that DH and I are on such different pages about it.

Sorry, shocking amount of typos in that last post!

Mine have very similar quotas, hold firm!!

Do you allow extra time in school hols (I do, another 6-8 hrs/week)?

That said, 13yo now has an iPad which he games on freely, and I don't moderate DSi time either. But games expensive on DSi's so we haven't had such addictive behaviour on them as on the 'poota.

2 hours a day during the week, 1 in the morning and 1 after school. 4 hours a day at the weekend, but DS1 plays a lot of computer chess.

It sounds like you have a great balance already, why upset it?

Alternatively could your ds1 earn an extra hour by doing extra chores?

Yes, I'm don't object to him earning extra, he does chores for pocket money already but he can sometimes be a real help with the little ones, especially when DH is working away and I think maybe on those occasions he could be rewarded with a little extra time. They do get extra time in school holidays but we haven't used this system whilst they've been off school yet so DH and I will have to agree how much extra they can have. Thanks for all your thoughts. I think as a compromise, I'll suggest to DH that we reward extra for good behaviour.