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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want more than a half-hearted apology?

17 replies

WorriedMummy73 · 15/03/2013 17:02

My son is in Year 3 (he was 8 in Jan) and today he was playing quite happily with his best friend when I bunch of Year 5 boys ran up (about 6-8 of them, aged 9-10) and without a word started basically kicking the crap out of my son and his friend! I've been told the story by my son, DD (in Year 6, 11, very mature and responsible) and her friend (boy, Year 6) who tried to break it up when he saw what was going on. My son and his friend were punched repeatedly, kicked and picked up and thrown against the metal climbing frame. He's said he doesn't know why the boys picked on them and that he and his friend were both very scared and upset.

Eventually, a TA noticed what was going on and waded in. The older boys were pulled away and my son and his friend taken to first aid. Obviously, I'm beyond angry about this situation and the fact that no one from school has bothered to speak to me about this (not even an accident slip!). What annoys me most is that the older boys were told to apologise and sent back to class.

Discipline at the school is dire (we've just come out of Special Measures at a scrape and discipline was one of the things they mentioned) and I will be going in on Monday morning to find out exactly what happened and what punishments have/will be put in place for this. AIBU to think the boys should get more than a 'say sorry to the kids you hurt' for this?

OP posts:

kitchenidiots · 15/03/2013 17:43

I'm a teacher and I do think it's poor that no-one phoned you from the school to let you know. However, if it happened today and if it's a school that have a lot of behaviour problems it may be that the problem (the boys) will be dealt with in time. My priority, if I see something like this, is to ensure that the injured party is ok and feels safe. When that has been dealt with I can then seek out the perps(!) and deal with them. If a child has to go and see someone for their injuries then there would be no way I'd let them go home without phoning the parents first to let them know what happened and reassure them that everything is under control. I think you're right to go in and try to find out what happened and what the consequences will be.

NotADragonOfSoup · 15/03/2013 17:46

Do you know that "say sorry" is all the boys had to do?

At DDs primary an apology would be the start and they would then have to sit outside the head's office for a number of break/lunch times.

Pancakeflipper · 15/03/2013 17:52

That would have been a behavioural incident at our primary and the Head or Deputy would be speaking to the children involved/ witnesses and on the phone to all parents. Reports would be done and consequences dished out to those who did this.

If you feel the leadership team at your school aren't taking it seriously then contact the Chair of Governors.

I hope your son and his mate are ok. That's a nasty experience.

Original poster

WorriedMummy73 · 15/03/2013 17:55

I'm hoping that there is/was more involved than just saying sorry, as I think Year 5 are more than old enough to understand about not beating up younger kids! As I said, I will be going in on Monday morning to get the full story from the TA involved.

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 15/03/2013 17:56

Forgot to say look on the school website for policies on behaviour and bullying. They have to have them. Print them out and wave them at the leadership team on Monday and tell them to get this sorted and improve how they deal with issues like this for the future

Original poster

WorriedMummy73 · 15/03/2013 17:59

Bullying policy? At our school? What.a.joke! My friend's daughter has been the victim of severe bullying since BEFORE last summer! The girl doing the bullying has not been excluded once since then, despite the bullying being quite violent. Two weeks ago my friend's daughter was BITTEN by the other girl! She's 10. Still in school. Apparently, victim has to keep a diary, as per bullying policy. She has been doing this since Autumn term - still being bullied...

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 15/03/2013 18:00

I will be going in on Monday morning to find out exactly what happened and what punishments have/will be put in place for this. AIBU to think the boys should get more than a 'say sorry to the kids you hurt' for this?

they can't tell you I'm afraid - child protection issues at force there. A school will never tell you XYZ has been sanctioned or excluded and frankly, if it did I'd be pulling my child out PDQ.

As I said, I will be going in on Monday morning to get the full story from the TA involved.

You cannot compromise a TA in that way, nor her job by interrogating her. That is unfair and possibly causing her to be disciplined if she speaks out of turn or lets something slip.

But you are right to be annoyed, although there is probably a full investigation going on.

Pancakeflipper · 15/03/2013 18:04

That is really crap WM73.

I think you should gather in the parents who have children being bullied to write to the Chair of Gov saying nothing is sorted and it needs to be. If they shrug it off then on Ofsted there's a Parent View site - put your comments on that.

Original poster

WorriedMummy73 · 15/03/2013 18:05

Holly, sorry, didn't mean it to sound like I was going in to interrogate! I mean, I'm going in to find out what happened. I know the TA in question - she's lovely and I wouldn't want her to get into any trouble. From what I can gather she gave the older boys a right royal bollocking!

Knowing our HT, and his fear of any kind of confrontation with parents or otherwise, I doubt very much that he is even remotely aware of the incident.

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 15/03/2013 18:10

phew< I'm always cautious after high profile stories like the MDS who was sacked for telling a parent her child was being systematically bullied, and the school wasn't addressing the issue.

It's so easy to use a good relationship you have with a member of staff done it myself to your advantage.

Rule of thumb, if the staff member isn't someone you can generally book an appointment with - see someone senior

Original poster

WorriedMummy73 · 15/03/2013 18:15

I think I'll probably see the Deputy HT - she's very hands-on and I have a great relationship with her so I know she'll take me seriously. I've messaged the Mum of DS's friend to see what she wants to do. Will report back duly on Monday!

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 15/03/2013 18:17

If any child is 10 or over, I'd be threatening the school with getting the police involved - if (and only if) they fail to do anything about this.

Pancakeflipper · 15/03/2013 18:18

Lots of luck. And hope your son is ok and has a chilled out weekend.

MunchkinsMumof2 · 15/03/2013 18:52

10 is the age of criminal responsibility in England so I would definitely mention that to the DHT, along with asking for a comprehensive bullying procedure review and involve the Governors. I'm sorry your Ds was hurt and I hope it doesn't scar him.

kitchenidiots · 15/03/2013 20:10

The bottom line is that your child should be safe and feel safe at school. If that's not happening then something needs to be done. Surely no one can disagree with that?

cansu · 15/03/2013 20:14

I think you should perhaps give them time to deal with incident. If it happened at lunchtime and afternoon was spent teaching it will take time to talk to all the children concerned and decide whether any punishment is appropriate.

MidniteScribbler · 15/03/2013 20:47

The school cannot tell you what punishment has been given to the other children, only that they are dealing with it. You don't know what is going on behind the scenes.

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