To think that this is unacceptable.

[3verything]

My DD is in Year Eight and came home yesterday to tell me that she had got 31 in her maths test.

Out of 60.

She is doing very well at school, but when I said I was disappointed in her she stormed off into her room, crying and saying it was because she did the higher paper. (Level 6-8)

I accept that maybe I was a it harsh on her but for a girl in Top set maths, with a 8A and 7A in other subjects under her belt aibu to get annoyed at her for making excuses about a test she did NO revision for.

I am PMS so I may be being U so I decided th emumsnet jury would be suitable.

At Year 8 I wouldn't have said I was disappointed, because it means nothing.

I would have passed comment about how she should have done more work if she wanted a better grade!

It's not the score, it's the fact she didn't try that I would be disappointed in. I would tell her that I didn't mind if she got 0 on a test so long as she had tried her best.

Do you think she's upset because she knows you're right? :)

I always say to mine that if they have done their absolute best then I will be proud of them whether they've got 100% or 0%. I am proudest of effort.

It sounds like you feel that she didn't put the effort in and that's why you're disappointed, not that you're just disappointed with the result.

If that's the case, then I think it's important that you make that clear to her.

She is probably disappointed in herself. I wouldn't' have made a big thing about it.

Did this conversation happen as soon as she got in, or later?

I think I would have asked how she felt about that (did she tell you, or did you ask?), then tell he what you thought about it

It sounds - the way you tell it- that you jumped on her a bit

Sounds like she is disappointed in herself.

Papers are designed to stretch the pupil. Would you have preferred a lesser paper so she could maintain her 100%?

I'm draconian when it comes to schooling. I expect 100% but I know that won't always produce 100% results. So there are times when I am disappointed with the result but depending on effort is the factor in whether I communicate that.

My children are fairly well old enough to manage their own schooling now. My conversations tend to go along the lines of "only you know if you want a temping job and to be stuffing letters in a pigeon hole when your mates are off to uni, and you still want to be stuffing letters when they come out of uni in three years and are off to pastures new. You can either go with them or be left behind".

I think your jumping to conclusions was unreasonable.

If my dd said she had 31 / 60 in a maths test, I'd have asked her about it - what was it on, what level was it, what sort of a maths test was it that produced what, for her would seem a low score, what other folk got (not meaning anyone in particular, just, if it was a very high level paper the teacher used for some reason, 31 might have been an excellent mark, if she reports back everyone else got 15 - 25, OTOH, 31 might be a disappointing mark if everyone else was getting 50+).
A 'number' or % tells you nothing without the rest of the information.

I don't think you were unreasonable, maybe add that if she got that without revising for it she'll score better if she does work for it.

If she did no revision for it was she expecting you to be over the moon? Very pleased/satisfied? Or relieved she got what she did? Really depends on how she told you.

Thanks for the replies. I am disappointed because I know she can do better. She told me about an hour after she got in, but I hadn't even known she was doing the test.I have to admit I do poor pressure on her to do well, but only because I expect highly of her. I didn't mention it after I saw she was upset, although I didn't apologise.

I think she had had a tough day with her friends (typical teenage argument kind of thing) which didn't help the situation.

Cut her some slack. She told you, you didn't have to drag it out of her - think about why she told you and go from there.

I sympathise. We all worry, but we should make it clear we're on their side

She said "Mum I got my Matthew test score back today. I did terribly. Etc." However sure said it in a 'fishing for compliments way' so when I said "that's dissapointing" she was a bit shocked. A girl doing the 5-7 paper in the same class as her got 48. :-\

What did you actually say to her? dd2 is generally high achieving, and my take on that result would not be"disappointed" but"how do you feel/what do you think of that"...

I'm very aware that 31/60 sounds dreadful, but if dd2 got that score it's would be worth finding out if actually it was the best she could do"because there was loads if algebra we haven't done yet", before launching into"well if you'd revised"... And I guess trying to raise independent learners it should be"could you have done better if you'd done more revision " sort of.

Dare I say it, but I think a bright child needs to learn how much revision they need to do/not do for each exam. actually , dropping a clanger in year 8 is fine, and hellos then tune the way they work.

But then again 13 yrs Olds can fly off into a strop about anything too! They do eventually grow it out of it....wish dd2 would though!

She might have said it in a "reassure me, don't tell me in brutally honest way when I'm feeling a bit fragile" sort of way.

Give her a break, have you never had a bad day?

A girl doing the 5-7 paper in the same class as her got 48.

The 5-7 paper being easier/less advanced? If this is so then you cannot compare that your DD got a lower score doing something harder can you? If your DD did the 5-7 paper then you could compare?

There's a lot of pressure coming from your posts, from how I'm reading them.

P.S. How do you know what other people got? Why do you care?

Thanks all. I think I was being a bit U. These: You seem to understand exactly what I meant. I will follow your advice through. :-)

disappointed for her not disappointed in her would have been better way to phrase it.
Sympathies, I have hyper-ambitious cocky over emotional DD too.

I think what you said was understandable. It is disappointing that she didn't do any revision and got less than she was capable of. In terms of handling her, you might want to talk to her about how you want her to put the effort in and that if she does, whatever the mark, you'll be content. It's about trying hard. What HollyBerryBush said is sensible too. It's up to her how much effort she puts in and it's she who will have to deal with the consequences if she coasts. You and the school can only do so much.

I think a completely different approach would have been better... 'Gosh 50% with no preparation is great Dd, just imagine how much better you'll do next time with some revision'.

YABVU and utterly bonkers pressuring your child to get 100% in completely irrelevant exams.