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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that maybe you shouldn't text people at midnight?

51 replies

Sallystyle · 15/03/2013 14:43

This really isn't a big deal but I wondered how many people happily texts someone late at night.

My son belongs to a football team and the manager always sends out a text a couple of days before to let us know if it is still on and any other information we might need to know. Every week he texts us all around midnight without fail. Personally, it doesn't bother me as I don't sleep well but I imagine it could be annoying for others.

I have my mobile on all night in case of emergencies (and it's my alarm clock) and I assume that most people do as well now plenty of people no longer have landlines. I treat texting like I would a phone call, I wouldn't call anyone at midnight and neither would I send a text that late.

So what about you? would you mind getting a text at midnight for something that could wait for a reasonable time? and do you ever send text messages that late?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sallystyle · 15/03/2013 16:03

Like I said, it doesn't personally bother me. Insomnia is lonely, it's quite nice to know someone else is awake Grin

OP posts:
drjohnsonscat · 15/03/2013 16:04

I think the whole world needs to go on a "how to use new means of communication thoughtfully" training course. If it's not ok by previous means it's not ok by the new means - as a general rule of thumb.

No texting at anti-social hours
No phone/social media use when with other people unless in an emergency (those people who stop their conversation with you to text some random person back because the texting person is so much more important than the present person)
No phone use / social media use when at the table with others
No using text to break bad news, do a last minute cancellation of an arrangement in order to avoid telling the person properly, break up with someone.

timidviper · 15/03/2013 16:10

My Blackberry has a "phone calls only" setting which I use at night. I think most emergencies would come to our landline but, as I have older DCs away from home, like to know the mobile would be answered if rung in a crisis but that setting means that texts, emails and instant messages don't trigger any light or vibration.

I need to change my phone and would be looking to find that or similar on a new one as I do like having it

Still18atheart · 15/03/2013 16:16

It depends

I'm normally still up at that time, but i don't start texting people after 10pm, unless urgent. If i get a text at midnight I will look at it but I won't necessarily reply. I decide whether or not it can wait till the next day.

NomDeOrdinateur · 15/03/2013 16:26

It has never occurred to me not to send texts late at night - I presumed that everybody who took their phone into their bedroom at night would switch off text alerts etc when they set their alarm. I have a "Day" and a "Night" profile that I switch between for that exact reason.

StuntGirl · 15/03/2013 16:29

I send texts at all hours - but then the people receiving them are up at all hours too. I wouldn't text my parents or someone I knew had a baby/early start or something.

MackerelOfFact · 15/03/2013 16:41

Used to annoy me but then I discovered I can set my iPhone to 'do not disturb' mode between specified times. So I do that.

TBH if you don't want to be disturbed by your phone, it needs to be silenced, regardless of the time. I've been woken up by foreign calls and spam texts at stupid o'clock too, it's not always the fault of the person calling/texting.

MackerelOfFact · 15/03/2013 16:42

The 'do not disturb' feature still rings if someone tries to call you twice in a minute or something. So emergency calls should get through.

BackforGood · 15/03/2013 16:56

I look at texts the same way as e-mails. They don't 'demand my attention' straight away like a ringing phone - they are sent to be read when the receiver is ready to read them, in my life (although I know that's not the same for all MNers, going by some threads on here complaining about people not answering their texts). Like many others, I turn off my phone at night once ds is in and dh has his on silent.

Gales · 15/03/2013 17:01

Presumably the manger is a volunteer, probably with a full-time job and a family.

The coaches at the other teams he needs to contact to confirm arrangements will be in a similar position.

I don't suppose he's thrilled to still be "working" at midnight for the benefit of your child, but if that's when he has an opportunity then that's how it is. Be grateful for it.

Personally I think it's ridiculous to have a sound alert on text messages. No text has ever been sent on a life or death matter.

PeggyCarter · 15/03/2013 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sallystyle · 15/03/2013 17:07

I don't know if he volunteers. It costs a lot of money but whether or not it goes to him I do not know. I am grateful to him, he is a great coach but it just made me wonder what other people think and if they text late at night.

OP posts:
Gales · 15/03/2013 17:13

Well, in answer to that question, I have no problem at all with it because my texts don't beep, day or night. IMO having your bag beeping all day is BU!

Can't believe you've never considered that he's probably a volunteer. Who do you know who would be working at their "day job" and sending texts in relation to it at midnight?

Original poster
Sallystyle · 15/03/2013 17:47

I considered it, still don't know if he gets paid at all. I know I pay a fee but like I said, not sure who it goes too.

Would have been better to just ask for opinions about texting people late at night. The manager texting me late was the thing that prompted me to ask but certainly not an issue for me as I stated in my OP.

My phone beeps about twice a day usually. Always group messages from the school reminding me about something or other lol

OP posts:
MrsHoarder · 15/03/2013 18:00

What's distressing is someone texting the landline at 2am. Because the phone rings and the phone ringing at 2am to my mind means an emergency, leap out of bed and sprint to the phone. The brief "bleep" of a text otoh I happily ignore until morning.

Hassled · 15/03/2013 18:05

I have a friend who likes to catch up on texts very late at night - drives me insane. But I discovered my iPhone has a "do not disturb" function - it allows calls from Important People to get through but nothing else within a specified period - in my case 11 to 7.

blibblibs · 15/03/2013 18:14

I use my phone as my alarm clock and have only just realised after reading this that I can put it on silent and the alarm still works.

No more annoying late night texts Grin

Geeklover · 15/03/2013 18:24

My friend used to routinely text at 5am. Also treating it as an email something non urgent to be replied to later. It never bothered me but I did joke about it once and she said that if you have your phone on and beside your bed it's your fault if her early texts wake you up Grin she was being lighthearted and she did have a point. I rarely but sometimes get texts through the night sometimes I'm awake enough to reply sometimes it barely registers and you'll get a rey when I surface.

FierceBadIggi · 15/03/2013 18:33

I'm in the camp of assuming people who don't want to be disturbed turn their phone off. Alarms still work when the phone is off!
I view texts as a way of communicating that doesn't require the person's immediate attention, unlike a call, and would assume the recipient would read it at a convenient time.
Also, sometimes texts don't arrive at the time they were sent!

Naysa · 15/03/2013 18:34

If it was a friend I'd know whether they'd reply or if it could wait.

If was was something to do with work I'd do my beat to do it before 5 maybe 7 at a push if ot's not an emergency.

And if it was for a hobby, no later than 9

Turniphead1 · 15/03/2013 18:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

PureQuintessence · 15/03/2013 18:45

No, I dont text at midnight. But sometimes texts are several hours late.

I have noticed that especially when texting between Iphones. Sometimes, and I dont know why, it seems to send as data, rather than text, so will not actually send it until next time I walk into a hotspot, or get back home!!

TakingtheHobbitstoIsengard · 15/03/2013 19:06

I misread that as "text the Pope".

I thought, well, if you've got his number, what's the harm?

lurkerspeaks · 15/03/2013 19:12

I agree with those who say texting is not an immediate form of communication. I view a text like an e.mail - it can be replied to at leisure. If you don't want to be disturbed alter your phone settings.

I would't phone late but I would text late.

Ragwort · 16/03/2013 20:57

I think the more depressing thing is that the OP hasn't bothered to think about whether the football manager is a volunteer or not - have you really no idea about how the football club is run? My DS goes to a lot of sports club (and yes, we obviously pay fees to the sports organisations but none of this goes to the people who do the day to day running of the clubs) - there is a huge amount of paperwork/admin/support etc that a football manager will have to do, in addition to the actual coaching. Gets off soapbox as I also do a lot of volunteering with children and get fed up with some of the parents' attitudes towards it.

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