To have left him?

[VanitasVanitatum]

Will try to cut a long story short! I had been with ex DP for 6 years,he is 11 years older than me, divorced with two amazing DDs, my DSDs, who I love.

We had always talked about getting married and having kids, I was unsure at first because of the age gap, and whether it would be fair to his DDs if he had another family. He was always sure it would happen, we would grow old together whatever happened.

Fast forward to last summer, when I started talking about when we should think about marriage /kids. He jokingly said he thought he was past that now; several serious discussions later, we established that he doesn't want more kids. He would have kids, for me, but he doesn't want them.

I do not think it would be right or fair to home, to the kids, or to me, to have babies.

So I have moved out, moved in with a friend. He didn't want me to go.

I am so sad, lonely, even when my friends are all round me, miss him so so badly.

Did I make a mistake? I'm scared I've left it too late to meet someone else and have kids, I'm 29 next month..

Sorry it's so long, and sorry if this is the wrong thread, I just want aibu type answers..

My DP and I had briefly talked about children but assumed we had ages before it became pressing, until I had some tests and found out I was virtually eggless at 31. He was 27 and totally not ready, which under pressure turned into 'i never want kids'.

I was convinced it was all over and I'd have to leave him and go through ivf alone, but gave him a date to decide by, which may seem silly but at the time I had no idea what else to do asI knew I would forever resent him if we stayed together but never tried to have a child.

The date came after an awful count down and he just said 'of course we'll do it, I want you and I love you'.

I'm now pregnant and due in 2 weeks and he's surprised himself with how excited he is - so he's gone from an outright no to being all about babies.

Not that I'm saying forcing men to choose is the right thing, but people sometimes think the time isn't right until the time is upon them

Don't give up!

Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with this man? If so, you need to talk to him. Fair enough, he may not 'want' more kids because he already has two daughters, but the fact that he would have them with you shows the depth of his feelings for you. And if he loves you that much, he will love your child.

I think it would be so hard to deny someone you love the chance to be a parent, especially when you are. Can you not compromise on 'one' child as opposed to maybe two or three. My friend did this, she always wanted a large family but fell in love with a divorced older man with grown up children. They have one loved son and although reluctant and only doing it for her, he is a devoted dad

I think it might help you both to go and talk this through with a counsellor. To lose someone you love,someone who is willing to have kids seems a waste. Maybe you need a safe space for you to talk about your fear of resentment, and he'll be able to work out in more detail how he does feel. I can't imagine any decent chap who agreed to have kids would love them any less just because he would have been equally happy at the start not to have them. Once the kid arrives life and love just take over.

I agree Voice, I'm facing motherhood alone as I jus haven't met that "someone" - people do have babies well into their 30s and beyond of course but after 35 it can be trickier.

My husband didn't want any of our kids before they arrived. He adore them all and would never change the fact we had them. If your mad is willing to discuss a baby then he Will probably be the sake and adore any kids you have together.

I know he'd love our dc totally, even though he wasn't sure about having them, I just didn't think I had the right to push him down a path he didn't want, but after posting this I think I will definitely try and re open the conversation. Maybe I should have considered more, he just seemed pretty certain about what he wanted. Thanks so much for all the replies, mumsnetters are awesome!