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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to give DB lodgings?

8 replies

unebagpipe · 15/03/2013 10:02

Quite a long backstory which I will try and summarise:

-DB 3 yrs older than me. Degree educated but never stuck out a job longer than a couple of years. Always leaving or getting laid off.

  • About 3 yrs ago moved to the Far East- lived with my parents. They have more money than sense and bought him a business which he folded.
  • Married a woman from that country.
  • Has been laid off again from a recent pub job out there.
  • He's now talking about moving back to the UK and retraining (at my parent's expense).

... Undoubtedly we will get a call in the next couple of months from either my DB or my folks asking if he can stay at my house here in the uk (with me, my DH and DS).

WIBU to say no?

Just to also back this up to say about 5 years ago this also happened... He moved in, for 2 weeks. 6 months later he was still here. I got him a job at my office, he slept his way round the company and I often found a colleague I didn't like, having breakfast in my kitchen! He also got paralytic one night, smashed his face on the kerb and me and DH had to take him to a&e.

I feel I have very little patience and am finding his general lack of purpose and responsibility wearing. I'm also annoyed that he sponges off my folks- but know its their money to throw down the pan.

WlBU to not let him stay with or without his new wife? I know I'll be guilt tripped by my family, and be told that I'm always down on him. We have also had a lot from my folks but are in a repayment plan with interest!!

Also, tips needed on how to say no and stand my ground.

(First Aibu- please go easy on me!)

OP posts:
MrsMushroom · 15/03/2013 10:04

Yanbu....he's an adult and if they want to enable him in his failures, that's up to them. They can pay for a flat. Otherwise he can manage like the rest of us!

If you have borrowed from your parents that has nothing to do with your brother! Just say no....and repeat. "no. We don';t want a lodger." "No we don't have space." No it's not up for discussion...not happening."

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 15/03/2013 10:24

Your paying them back, why should you have your lazy brother live in your house, tell him to find his own, hes a grown man.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/03/2013 11:17

Would his wife be happy to move in to another woman's house? Might she steer them into having their own place?

oscarwilde · 15/03/2013 11:38

Assuming you don't have a west wing free in your house, then you should gently point out to your parents that:
he greatly overstayed his welcome the last time and was quite an unpleasant houseguest.
you would like to remain on good terms with your only brother, and so if asked, the answer will be NO, so please don't put you in that position.

To your brother - " I hear you are thinking of moving back to the UK. It will be lovely to see you and your wife more frequently. Where are you going to live/base yourself?

AMumInScotland · 15/03/2013 12:03

"No. We did that before and it didn't work for us." Repeat as required.

Lueji · 15/03/2013 12:06

YANBU

Been there, done that, never again.

Sugarice · 15/03/2013 12:11

God no, Yanbu!

If your Parents are loaded, suggest they rent a property for him.

You have a child now and don't need the disruption he might bring with him.

Stand firm and don't be bullied into it.

unebagpipe · 15/03/2013 12:18

Thanks all. My resolve has been strengthened!... I just know my family- the 'it'll only be for a few weeks until he's settled' mantra. Like the suggestions on here as to how to stand up to everyone.

Think I'm also bitter as he gets a lot for nothing- but i need to get over that!!

OP posts:
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