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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to delete these photos on Facebook?

40 replies

ArielRedHead · 15/03/2013 00:22

I've been with my partner now for just over a year and we have been living together for the last two months.

Last night he asked me would I delete the photos of my ex and I on Facebook. I was slightly surprised as I had no idea what he was really referring to.

Anyway I went on my account today, and looked back through my old albums and old profile photos and there are photos of me and ex partner. I had kind of forgotten about the photos to be honest.

I probably will delete them as there is no point arguing over it. However to me I just don't put that much emphasis on Facebook and by deleting these photos it's almost like deleting the past and pretending it never happened.

I'll never get back with my ex or even want to but he's a part of my past which I'm not ashamed about and I don't hold any resent towards him.

Aibu? Or is my partner?

Would like some opinions.

OP posts:

CooEeeEldridge · 15/03/2013 10:03

Dearie- no printed pictures, pics on memory stick, pics in folder on PC are totally different in my opinion. The concept of FB if that your sharing pics with wider community. I wouldn't get cosy pics of me and ex out at dinner party to show new partners friends! To want to keep the pics is perfectly normal, they are our memories, but to display them is a bit odd. This must happen a lot though nowadays, as FB is so entrenched in our lives- can see it might be a pain to go back and edit!

I can't get away from reversing this (sorry). Imagine if woman posted on here that new partner was refusing to delete pics of him and ex from FB. They'd be getting a load of support saying that they should be deleted and it was form of control / EA to not delete them!

SunnyD123 · 15/03/2013 10:32

Yabu - remove the pictures, it's not nice for your partner and his friends to see you with your ex, unnecessary to keep them there and you should have known to remove them without any prompt. How would you feel seeing pictures of him all loved up with his ex?

TroublesomeEx · 15/03/2013 11:30

I have a box of photos that are for my eyes only. But that's the point. They are for my eyes only.

I wouldn't put them out there for the rest of the world to see. I have family photo albums in the house of my life with my husband and children, and that wouldn't change if I ever had a relationship or lived with someone else. But that's not quite the same as displaying them publically.

I would remove them. Even if I didn't really want to. I think it would be inconsiderate to my new partner not to. I completely understand the not letting someone else control your life aspect, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be sensitive to someone else's feelings.

I agree.

TroublesomeEx · 15/03/2013 11:30

publicly obviously

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/03/2013 11:30

If I posted saying I was bothered by photos on fb that were uploaded ages ago when I didnt have the same relationships I.e the photos were there before I came on the scene,

I would expect a flaming I would expect to be told that it is controlling behaviour that I have no right to do,that I should be grown up enough to not expect to wipe out my partners history. And was I going to start ordering him to unfriend people I did not approve of or obsessively reading every post on his page just to see if I could twist it a bit to offend me or consider it inappropriate.

Once something is done in the past I don't get to chose to try and undo it if it did not involve me or was not anything to do with me,

whimsicalmess · 15/03/2013 11:43

Unless the photo's are risque in some way or you too eating each other alive I would understand that to some extent.

but its just happy photos than I would feel its controlling.

Original poster

ArielRedHead · 15/03/2013 15:17

you should have known to remove them without any prompt

I should have?

When I get into a new relationship, I'm generally just thinking about that person and the excitement of it all. It doesn't pop into my head - quick I should go on Facebook and delete all evidence that an ex ever existed.

There aren't a lot of albums, it's things like ... when we travelled to Thailand or my sister wedding. Happy memories to me that I look back on fondly.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2013 15:46

Do you have photos of your Ex up in your house?
Do you have photo albums etc with photos of your Ex?

The first, I wouldn't have thought so. The second, perfectly reasonable. To me, Facebook is more like the first as so many people can look when they visit, which they wouldn't do with a photo album in your home.

MooMooSkit · 15/03/2013 15:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

StuntGirl · 15/03/2013 16:50

I wouldn't delete them. Especially if they're photos of an event or something where he just happened to be in it. Deleting pictures of my sisters wedding? No way.

I just asked my partner if he would ask me to do this and he said "No. Sounds more like he's worried she'll find out something about him so he's projecting".

TobyLerone · 15/03/2013 16:56

YANBU. Don't delete them! You will just be giving in to what is odd, controlling behaviour.

Trills · 15/03/2013 17:04

I probably will delete them as there is no point arguing over it.

You shouldn't have to.

These pictures are not "all over Facebook", he will only see them if he goes looking for them.

ihearsounds · 15/03/2013 17:16

Adults shouldn't have to tell other adults what to do. If I was told to remove pics of ex and myself, and I would tell the other person to do one. If he cannot deal with seeing pics of you and your ex then that is his problem, and he needs to deal with insecurities. And so what if his mates and families also see the pics, are these people that childish and immature to not realise people have pasts..If other people have a problem with my pics, then quite simply they can remove them self as a friend of mine.

I probably will delete them as there is no point arguing over it.
What about when he doesn't like your friends. Or certain people in your family. How you dress. You work etc.. You just going to give in because there is no point in arguing.. The knowledge that this would create an argument shows that there are other issues.

Original poster

ArielRedHead · 15/03/2013 17:31

These pictures are not "all over Facebook", he will only see them if he goes looking for them.

Yes exactly ... they aren't photos that I have just uploaded, so you would have to go looking for them.

That's why I don't really understand comments like this - it's not nice for your partner and his friends to see you with your ex

What do his friends have to do with it? I like his friend, they all seem nice and I enjoy their company.

I have a couple of them on Facebook but I've never felt the urge to go looking through their old photo albums. And anyway what business is it of theirs?

OP posts:

youllneedthisfish · 15/03/2013 17:38

You shouldn't need to delete them! what if they were of an event that you attended with other dear friends! what if it was an important event in your life regardless of partner at the time. Facebook is here to stay but our attitudes will change to it.

Any album can be made available to whoever you want - you may choose to make it only visible to yourself for the moment, or just to you and your oldest friends, or to everyone except your partner and his friends. This is not 'hiding' stuff' - its tact - just like you wouldn't parade a real life photo album of a previous partner in front of him - but wouldn't destroy it either.

In the future I think it will become a lot more taboo to mess around in other people's Facebook - and I wouldn't let my DP into my FB - even though I pretty much let all my friends see most things and its not complicated in our family (except the divorced in-laws - who I have to make sure aren't both seeing on the same album of their DGCs)

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