Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel completely miffed that men are not more respectful of us women

38 replies

stella10 · 13/03/2013 21:52

I don't really know where this is all coming from but since having my most recent baby I've been feeling unappreciated by dp. I'm not saying he should be in awe of his partner for giving him his latest child but surely if u see someone going through THAT to bring your child into the world it deserves a certain level of respect. And I feel I should be his priority in life me and his children isn't that what life is about? Then I read things on here and it really depresses me that women are being treated like shit by their partners who should worship them I'm sorry but thats how I feel. Same goes other way I appreciate what dp does for us but maybe not enough?? Maybe I should work on that. I just wonder if I'm odd for letting all these things get to me also the woman who was gang raped and died in India haunts me. Do those men have no mothers:/sisters? I just don't get it?how anyone can get like that.... Maybe I'm heading for some kind of mid life crisis I'm 32 and all the dreams I had are fading and realisation is hitting that this is it....my life as it may well be and there is no adoring partner and things to look forward to. Gorgeous kids but life is very hard is this normal? The theme of women being dis respected keeps appearing in my life and I feel devalued I'm not sure why or what wound make me feel better? Am I crazy?

OP posts:
DeliciousIrony · 13/03/2013 23:18

Yes, women often are not treated with respect.

I'm not sure why we should be worshipped, though?

aldiwhore · 13/03/2013 23:24

Most men I know personally are respectful and respected, appreciated and appreciative. In my life experience NOW, I do not look around and see despair.

However, I have been in places in my life where your OP is the norm.

MN also (especially AIBU) tends to have more horror stories than romances because good news doesn't require much help to unravel does it? I do find ocassionally that much as I like this forum, I have to step back ocassionally to remind myself that actually it's unfair to believe all men are shits, and all women should be treated as dieties.

In YOUR circumstances, I think you need to have a heart to heart. Chances are he DOES appreciate you, but sometimes life gets in the way of showing it, especially if finances are tight, or your child isn't easy, or just general everyday bollocks leaves you both feeling drained and sorry for youselves.

You're 32. You're not even half way through your life yet. Don't look to outside influences to find your value, look inside, you MUST still have dreams, and even if you can't attain them fully, you can gain a lot from trying, adjusting, pursuing them.

thebody · 13/03/2013 23:37

You are a bit daft and bad at maths to describe yourself as middle aged at 32!

I have 4 kids and have never felt the need to be worshiped. Get a grip!!

However,

treated with mutual respect, love and friendship,, yes me and dh do that.

The gang rape and murder of the girl isn't comparable. So don't.

Darkesteyes · 13/03/2013 23:52

Its usually certain men who consider women to be old at 32. Hmm

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/03/2013 23:56

Hmm, I don't know. Certainly DH respects and admires me for what I went through giving us DD. I don't think he worships me. I like not being on a pedestal, reality suits me.

However, there are people in this world who hate women, hurt them and are scum.

I wonder, if it is all tangled up for you, if your MH is OK at the moment. DO you think you are depressed?

Darkesteyes · 13/03/2013 23:56

I think what Stella is saying is that women expect men to worship them Isnt that right "Stella"

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2013 00:03

You are so cynical Darkesteyes if you are saying what I think...

MsTakenidentity · 14/03/2013 01:46

I'm rather rubbish at giving advice, but your post, OP, really does give food for thought Sad

MsTakenidentity · 14/03/2013 01:48

Btw.. [imho] OP's main focus was on atrocities abroad rather than lack of attention/worship at home?

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 14/03/2013 01:56

Eeeek. The MN Sherlock Holmes society is out. Apropos pretty much of nothing, the OP has been outed as a man Hmm

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2013 02:05

There's a surprise. Bored or malicious? Do we know?

teatrolley · 14/03/2013 02:05

Perhaps the fact that there's been organised trolling from another board over the last few days and this is the OP's first post? It could be a total coincidence but suspicion is understandable at the moment.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2013 02:09

Who is it? The ARRSEholes or the petrol sniffers?

Darkesteyes · 14/03/2013 02:13

The ARRSEholes.

teatrolley · 14/03/2013 02:13

The former recently.

teatrolley · 14/03/2013 02:14

Anyway, benefit of the doubt and all that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2013 02:18

Everyone needs a hobby. .

TotallyBursar · 14/03/2013 02:22

Well then....?

On face value

  1. Welcome to the world, there is a lot of work still to do to gain equality for women. This varies by subject and region to greater or lesser degrees. This is a much greater issue than:
  2. feeling dissatisfaction within your relationship and life. I understand the desire to feel cherished - feeling loved and nutured by your partner is important and reciprocal; it is also different to being worshiped. While you can expect your dh to be proud of your achievement with birth, and cosseting of mum & baby one way of showing that, it doesn't mean we can suddenly walk on water. If you have fallen into a mutual unappreciation of each other then you can solve this, this is not a case of a woman being given the shitty end of the stick. You both need to pull together harder. Communicate, get it all on the table. This would be a feminist issue if he wanted you barefoot & pregnant or was not parenting etc because he was the man and you should be getting on with the women's work.

Really only you can decide what the score is but 'the themes of disrespect to women keep appearing' is a bit of a vague one tbh . Equally how recent was your birth? It seems your ideas are not clear - maybe a frank chat with the gp is in order. If life is hard it can be very helpful to speak to a counselor or you may find things are seeming so hard due to depression. Having a neutral third party to talk to can really help & you don't need to be depressed to seek support & help get things into perspective.

TotallyBursar · 14/03/2013 02:29

I will feel all yuck in the morning if I've been an enabler of the hairy handed.

I suppose I'd rather feel a gullible twat because my judgement of them is not always right.

You lot...still this is the least exciting thing I've done that I'll come to regret in the morning!

teatrolley · 14/03/2013 02:34

[frog pills]

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2013 02:35

Grin This is a Pratchetty thread...

garlicbrain · 14/03/2013 02:37

I feel I should be his priority in life, me and his children

If your partner seems to be relegating you and DC to the back bench, that's a relationship issue not a generic problem with "men" and "us women".

I do seem to recall a rather goady Stella of yore, but would in no way assume you are connected with goadiness, OP. I may as well advise you that most mumsnetters realise male and female persons are individuals, so lumping them into two predictable masses doesn't work.

Neither does expecting to be worshipped. Do you expect to be worshipped, or to be treated as the most significant human being in your partner's life? There's a difference.

garlicbrain · 14/03/2013 02:38

I want frog pills!

.

.

What are frog pills?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2013 02:41

Dried frog pills. See down the page.

teatrolley · 14/03/2013 02:41

The Bursar's treatment.

Swipe left for the next trending thread