to expect holidaying xh to ring the children?

[daffsarecomingup]

xh, with whom I share care, is on a week's holiday with his gf. he has been away 5 days, due back on Fri. the Dcs (9 and 6) are missing him - they have never gone more than 2 or 3 days without contact with him. I am cross that he hasn't rung them, but AIBU? he is, after all, entitled to a holiday. however, it's the dcs that I'm thinking about.
I'm thinking of dropping him a text to ask that he rings them tonight, but it would be to his gf's phone, as he has no signal where he is.
wwyd?

I think I'd keep my head down. dcs are old enough to understand that daddy's in a place with no signal for a few more days but will ring them the moment he's back.

Posted too soon... I think you might look a bit bonkers texting GF - if she's a serious GF your children will have a relationship with her to maintain and you need to have a sort of distant civility relationship with her. If she was the OW I can understand you being cross with her but if she's a GF who's come along since split, think how you'd feel if your OH's ex texted you about something not life-threatening while you were on holiday.

Betty, yes, I understand your point. the DCs haven't met her though, xh keeps her very separate from them (I'm not sure they even know he's on holiday WITH her).
I'm not cross with her - I know her and she's lovely! I'm really trying to see it from the dc's PoV. they're just not used to not having any contact with dad.
I think you're probably right though. I won't text.

i'd say leave him to his holiday and explain to your children what is happening.
texting the GF would be a big no no for me and probably make you look a bit barmy and needy in GF's (and ex H's) eyes.

Your children are well old enough to be able to understand "Daddy is on holiday for a week and will ring you when he gets back"

Are XH (and maybe GF) going to look after dcs sometime so YOU can have a break? - in which case you could use this as an opportunity to help them realise that although mummy and daddy love them, there's going to be times when they're out of immediate reach. Handy life lesson as the overnight school trips approach for elder dc.

yes, Betty, I went away for four days last year (I rang them once to check on the dcs). maybe i am being over-protective.

When my ex or I are away from the kids alot of the time we are in places with no mobile signal. The kids have been brought up to realise that if someone is on holiday then you see them when they get back. If I'm somewhere with internet access I'll send them facebook messages (they're teenagers now).
I'd just reassure them that their dad is on holiday and will see them when he gets back.

Could you let the children send a text to their daddy from your phone saying they are missing him and hope he's having a lovely holiday?

That way they might feel better for having contacted him and it might give him a prompt to ring them.

I wouldn't let them text their dad. Firstly, he doesn't have a phone with a signal - so his GF's won't either, presumably? If the text doesn't get through, the children won't get a reply or a call anyway and they'll be expecting one. They need to have their expectations managed and a week is really not a long time. Did their dad not explain to them that he would be away for a week?

It's a finite period of time and he will be in touch with them when he returns after the week. Tell them that and leave it. That's what I would do anyway. Just because you called during your holiday doesn't mean that your ex should too.

I'm not expecting him to have my standards, but this is a man who, when the dcs are with me, will ring every couple of days, and often 'pop' in when passing. the dcs are used to a high level of contact from their Dad, and suddenly there is nothing.
but, i think most people are right here. i won't initiate contact, and the dc will see him on Friday as arranged.

Sounds like he's a pretty 'hands on' dad then, daffs, so whilst the children are missing him, they can be sure in themselves that he's missing them and will see them as arranged. Standards are immaterial really, not higher or lower graded - it's just down to different ways of doing things and different perspectives.

I think, seeing as he is usually very good at contacting them, he should be left alone. I can understand the kids are missing him, before the dawn of mobiles, many children went from one contact to another with no communication, so it won't hurt!

I have to remind the ex when he is away to call ds

recently I have not bothered and ds has asked his dad why he did not call. he has no excuse really

with modern technology it allows us more contact either you use it and keep to that or you do not being on holiday does not stop you being a responsible parent

"they are used to a high level of contact" - just tell them he is on holiday FFS. What do you think people did before they were surgically attached to their mobile phones??

I look after a 5 year old child who's mother goes away alot. he managesquite well not to speak to her for days / weeks and has done so since aged 2. They'll be fine.

They are old enough to understand he is on holiday and he is back in 2 days anyway. I wouldn't ring or text.

I wouldn't expect my ex to call my DD is he was on holiday. Not unless he was away for weeks and weeks, same as I wouldn't call her dad if we were on holiday.

He is on holiday, and will no doubt ring them when he gets home. The children are surely old enough to understand that he is away and will not contact them for a few days.

My DP would always try and call his kids while we were away on holiday, but sometimes it was difficult. (In Africa for example...)
I wouldn't text the GF and I think your kids are old enough to understand that Daddy is away for the week, but if you have a good relationship with your ex (and it sounds like you do) perhaps you could speak with him about this when he comes back so you both have the same expectations and are telling the kids the same. He may not have thought that the kids would miss him while he is away.