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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu or is he?

26 replies

Twattybollocks · 12/03/2013 20:34

6wo dc3. 2 older very messy kids (working on that) , 6yo and 8yo. Been out all day visiting my horse for the first time in 6weeks. Picked kids up from school, came home, ds did his homework, made tea including dh's favourite pudding, he comes in from gym training, initially in a good mood, but within half an hour was angry with kids for not eating their tea, and had a major rant at me about the state of the house which was, I grant you a mess.
Appreciate my job right now is to look after the kids, see that they get to school on time, in clean clothes, and tidy the house, I'm managing the former excellently, but the latter is a real struggle with an ebf baby who won't be put down for more than 5 minutes when asleep or she cries. Also trying to nap through the day to catch up on previous nights lack of sleep. Aibu to think he needs to accept that the house is going to be messy and that it's difficult even with a sling to get it looking something like. The house is huge, and all this means is that the mess just expands to fit the available space. Result of his foul temper is that kids are upset, I feel like a total failure, and I've thrown his pudding on the floor and told him I hope he fucking chokes on it, because he's made me feel like shit and totally out of order. Aibu or is he being a right twat? am gutted as was looking forward to a lovely evening, feeling fairly on top of things (aside from the mess) and had made his Fave pudding as a treat as he has been a bit neglected last few weeks.

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 12/03/2013 20:40

He needs to step up and help.

I struggle keeping up with the housework in a tiny house!! When I was a SAHM my primary job was childcare, I did the basics houseworks wise, but on a Thursday night, DH and I would both BLITZ the house.

I do find now though that once blitzed if I keep on top of it then it doesn't get into that awful state where you just want to cry.

From his PoV, he works, he's been to the gym, he doesn't make the mess, and the house is a bombsite and he cannot understand WHY.

It's hard to see a solution... can you express? If so, express enough for a 'normal day's work' and leave your DH in charge of all 3 children and see how he copes. Do not suggest this, do it.

dopeysheep · 12/03/2013 20:50

Even if he doesn't understand why , which I think is unlikely given that he must be aware of the mess kids and everyday life make, he is still a tool for ranting.
You have a 6 week old baby he should be bloody grateful you made him anything to eat at all, and are still conscious when he gets home.
Well done for pudding gate, he deserved it.
Am sick of ranty men not appreciating their wives atm so.may be projecting slightly.

dopeysheep · 12/03/2013 20:51

How was your horse btw?

Lucyellensmum95 · 12/03/2013 20:53

Yes you are right - your job just now is to take care of the children - NOT to be a skivvy in the house though!

WhatsTheBuzz · 12/03/2013 20:59

FFS if he's that bothered about it, why doesn't he skip the gym training and fucking well do it himself?

Scrubber · 12/03/2013 21:00

Yanbu! With a child that young any housework is a bonus. Good on you for flinging the pudding too. If was being a total fanny.

Scrubber · 12/03/2013 21:01

He not if!

MortifiedAdams · 12/03/2013 21:02

Tell.him to stop being a tool.and help the fuck out.

HamAlive · 12/03/2013 21:08

Blimey, I only have one and when he was 6w I counted it as a success if I managed to eat breakfast. YANBU. You have three children and one is a newborn. The house will be messy. If it bothers him that much then HE can tidy it.

Original poster

Twattybollocks · 12/03/2013 21:15

Horse was lovely, I miss him :0(
I don't expect him to do the house, he is running his own business and also trying to keep on top of rental properties so he is rushed off his feet all day and stressed out to buggery. Ive never been a whizz at housework so I can see his frustration, but I'm frustrated aswell, it's getting to me and I'd like to have a day to blitz it but I'm lucky if I manage half an hour where she's asleep, not in my arms or attached to my breast.

OP posts:

dopeysheep · 12/03/2013 21:20

Could you afford a cleaner for a few hours a week? Until things settle down a bit, sounds like you both have a lot on.

HollyBerryBush · 12/03/2013 21:23

Where did I read this week that the average amount of housework is now 12 hours per week. That's an hour and a quarter per day.

You need to get the kids to do their part, don't care how old they are, they can put shoes away, hang up towels and put things in the link, lay the table etc. All those little niggle jobs.

HollyBerryBush · 12/03/2013 21:24

*hour 3/4's

FelicityWasCold · 12/03/2013 21:26

Where did I read this week that the average amount of housework is now 12 hours per week. That's an hour and a quarter per day.

I don't know where you read it, but I certainly wasn't surveyed- that would have brought the average down a bit a lot

fififrog · 12/03/2013 21:27

Oh yeah get a cleaner if you can. I'm not houseproud but it stopped me feeling stressed about the state of the house. Ours is a standard 3 bed only but I get one in for an hour every 2 weeks and they Hoover and clean the bathroom.

YANBU, I second that DH should do the cleaning as his workout if it bothers him so much.

However... You are all exhausted. Perhaps he just snapped and didn't really mean it. We were all in floods of tears for about three months (me, DH and the baby) we were so tired.

DeadWomanWalking · 12/03/2013 21:29

I can never understand men who come home from work and moan about the state of the house. Unless it looks like something from Life of Grime what on earth is the problem? The kids are fed and clean, you'd made his favourite pudding, and this is how he says thank you! You've just had a baby FFS! He hasn't been neglected you're still recovering from giving birth, it takes time to get back into a routine, and to get on top of things. He needs to stop thinking you're his mother and realise you're his wife, his equal partner! If he doesn't like the state of the house he should get off his fucking backside and sort it out himself!

Catchingmockingbirds · 12/03/2013 21:53

You were being reasonable up until this point; "him I hope he fucking chokes on it"

Catchingmockingbirds · 12/03/2013 21:54

* "I've thrown his pudding on the floor and told him I hope he fucking chokes on it"

ChairmanWow · 12/03/2013 22:00

Very helpful mockingbirds. I think that just showed how totally stressed OP is. Not especially constructive to slag her for it after the event.

FelicityWasCold · 12/03/2013 22:04

OP I'd ignore catching, this is the second time (I've seen) today of her deliberately taking an opposing view and having a go at the OP.

If past form is anything to go by she'll be back in a minute calling me a bully and saying I'm personally attacking her.

For the record, I'm not, I'm just trying to ensure you, the OP, doesn't get unnecessarily goaded.

dopeysheep · 12/03/2013 22:05

Anyway he can't choke on it cos it's on the floor.
Unless he channels his inner hound and woofs it up off the lino.

Catchingmockingbirds · 12/03/2013 22:06

The op asked for opinions, I gave her it.

If past form is anything to go by she'll be back in a minute calling me a bully and saying I'm personally attacking her.

Wtf?

Catchingmockingbirds · 12/03/2013 22:09

I've never accused anyone here if bullying me?

Original poster

Twattybollocks · 12/03/2013 22:23

Thankyou ladies, I think I would have been unreasonable if I had thrown the pudding at him, as it was he beat the dog to it, shovelled it into a bowl and is going to eat it for breakfast. I may have commented under my breath that the house isn't that sodding dirty if he will eat food that's hit the floor, or my pudding is exceptionally good. Anyhow, we have both now apologised, him for being a ranty twat and me for throwing the pudding.

OP posts:

cjel · 12/03/2013 22:38

glad you kissed and made up!!

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