to not want to escuse dc's poor behaviour with "its age appropriate behaviour

[nothingbyhalves]

my dc's are 3 (twins) and being a bit naughty at the moment. Usual naughty behaviour includes hitting me when they don't get their own way and throwing food on floor if its not what they want (and demanding something else). Now I do realise that this is "age appropriate behaviour" but am getting fed up with other family members telling me its normal and not to give dc a telling off for it. How else will they understand that it is naughty unless told?

PS any advice on how to deal with this behaviour will be gratefully accepted. Naughty step is frequently used!

sorry about typos!

No advice but hope that it will pass, my son is the same fingers crossed

I think they're confused.

Just because it's age appropriate, doesn't mean it shouldn't be tackled.

You are absolutely right, of course you need to tell them what is unacceptable behaviour. It isn't right to hit anyone (you, each other or friends) and you can't just throw you food on the floor.

My advice is to be consistent with your discipline. You sound like you're doing a great job!

Of course it's age appropriate behaviour but that doesn't mean it doesn't warrant a telling off. Otherwise you're right, how will they learn.
I don't know about the hitting but as to the food I'd tell them if they do that they get nothing else until the next mealtime, and stick to it.

You are right OP.
Be confident in that.

YANBU: it needs to be tackled from the outset. It is normal for preschoolers to experiment with all sorts of behaviour. It is the job of the parent/caregiver to steer them towards an acceptable range.

With very small children, I'm afraid, you need to keep your expectations nice and low in terms of how many times you'll have to tell them exactly the same thing over and over until they finally get it.

If the naughty step works (even if only briefly), stick with it. Chopping and changing probably won't help. Predictability probably will.

Of course it's normal but so it doesn't develop into something not normal, you have to steer and guide your children's behaviour.

You are being neither U nor NU.

Just because something is normal behaviour doesn't mean it can be left unchallenged.

YANBU

you need to set consequences fort both good and bad behaviour and follow through.

of course it's age-appropriate behaviour!! It's the age when they start to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them, and that they can do things that aren't desired, as well as things that are.
they are learning what they do has real, proper reactions, and they need to learn how far they can push their boundaries.

YANBU it may be normal but its not acceptable and it doesnt take that long to correct most bad behavious, they are testing the boundries to see what they can get away with imo!

To be fair, your family are just probably trying to make you feel better and reassure you it's normal behaviour. And, sometimes, a parent telling their children off can seem a little harsh to the casual observer. But then the casual observer probably hasn't seen how much the child has misbehaved all day/week/etc

But, yes, kids need to be told off when they're being naughty. Just as long as the size of the telling off is relative to the 'crime' and not to the frustration of the parent.

What Worra said. They may be acting their age. That doesn't mean it's okay to do.

Agree with others who have said behaviour should still be tackled. It is part of learning right from wrong. My dd is 19 months and this morning she tipped the cats water bowl all over the kitchen floor. Age appropriate? Yes of course. However, I still picked her up, moved her away from the bowl and told her firmly that she must not tip up the cats bowl. She cried because she was told no, after I cleaned it up I gave her a cuddle and a kiss and she went into her daddy saying 'dd made a mess, mummy said no'. She understands she shouldnt do it. and I know she will probably do it again, but I will still tackle her when she does.

If you don't make it clear to them what's acceptable or not they'll have to work it out for themselves, which too big an ask for 3 year old. So you're NBU

I think it's ok to recognise a behaviour as being in the normal range for the age but you don't mean you have to ignore it so Yanbu :)

YANBU DD2 bit me yesterday, she's just turned 1. Age appropriate, yes. The right thing to do? Nope and I dealt with it. You're right, although I agree people are probably trying to reassure you, it still needs tackling.

i have a3 yr old ad with my children i find between 3 and 4 the hardest,theres no terrible 2s in this house its the terrible 3s.

i try to make sure they get plenty of attention,eat and sleep well,and that seems to keep most bad behaviour at bay.i dont do naughty step,i just explain why what they have done isnt nice and tell them what i expect them to do in future.i have a 4 and 5 yr old now,and they are lovely,so not doing the naughty step hasnt done them any harm,i think its hormones or something.

I have twins and I did not tolerate this sort of behaviour. It does need tackling and it's important to do this earlier rather than later because you are outnumbered by them! I was quite strict and now my DDs are 21 all is well and they are charming and lovely people and we all are really close.

Agree with you. It is age appropriate now, but part of being 3 is learning the behaviour that is not appropriate at 4. How will they learn this if no one points it out to them.

yes it is an age thing but doesnt mean you cant tell them off , when they hit you march them somewhere for a time out say they can ask you for 'whatever' and ignore them get them to pick up the food they throw , I do think consequence to actions is the way to go, but you have 2 of them can't be easy when they gang up on you, but be consistent and mean what you say

ask for whatever when they decide not to hit mummy*