AIBU to tell my boss to stuff it and become a SAHM?

[CuppaTeaComfort]

My work is a nightmare. My boss ignores basic employment law and it is making me miserable. He has no respect and treats me appallingly. I am meant to be in a senior position but don't get consulted on basic things that affect my role (he used to). I am meant to work 3 days / week but the last few I've had to do 40 hours just to get the job done. When I approached him about work load he said that I was a better employee before I became a Mum because I never questioned doing (unpaid) overtime and that if I don't want the job anymore then there are plenty of others who would bite his hand off for it. On my days off he just forwards things to my personal email and has told people to call my personal mobile number.

I'm miserable. I cry all the time when I'm not at work because I'm so stressed and worried about it.

I know he is being unreasonable.

My lovely supportive DH says to just quit. Be a SAHM. We want another DC and plan to start trying in the summer (our first DC is 8 months old, I went back when she was 3 months old due to blackmail pressure from my boss).

We would struggle but just about scrape by financially.

I just feel it would be unreasonable of me to do this!

Why?

Your husband is right. Quit. You can look for another job but if you are in the fortunate position of being able to quit (albeit meaning that you will just about manage) then why the hell continue to put yourself through this?

you'll end up a wreck. No job is worth that.

In your shoes I would quit, and have that baby and enjoy my bloody life rather than being so miserable I cried all the time!

xx

I'd haul his arse over the coals via a tribunal.

And then quit on the proceeds.

I second Numberlock. If you're thinking you'll leave eitherway you've nothing to lose by dragging him through HR...

I'd stick it out, get pregnant again and get your maternity leave (that'll piss him off anyway), then leave after your full year off

I'd also stop working unpaid overtime, get a new mobile with a new number and give the number to anyone but him. Cancel your email address too so all his emails to you when you're not on work time bounce back to him.

Quit, your boss is exploiting you and you are letting him do so! Stand up for yourself, look after yourself and your DC and look for another better job when you are feeling better.

Yes, quit.
I'm all for staying there, taking it through HR, then quitting, but if its wearing you down that much then just quit and put in a complaint for constructive dismissal.
If you can afford to leave but want to work, theres nothing stopping you looking for new work while at home.

Tell you what though, I found out I was pregnant with Ds2 literally three days after handing my notice in after being due back aft mat leave from Ds1. Wish I'd had the second lot of mat pay

Leave and take him to a tribunal for constructive dismissal. He needs to be made aware that what he is doing is illegal, so don't just quit and walk away.

Contact an employment lawyer and ask for some non-committal advice, but it sounds to me like you'd have a very good claim.

Get pregnant and openly document everything :P

I second what somethingtothinkabout said. Get pregnant, get your second maternity leave and don't go back after the year.

I've been in a similar situation recently, unfortunately not planning another baby so couldn't go down the maternity leave route

I handed my notice in and haven't looked back. It's not worth it making you miserable. It's a shame cos I was great at my job but they were taking the piss.

I'm planning on having a year out being a SAHM then start looking for a new job.

I'm happy again, you can be too.

Good luck :)

if you want to understand the law, you need an employment law professional - not MN, however well meaning.

ACAS have a really good free helpline.

YABU. Do nothing in haste or anger. Take legal advice, sue for constructive dismissal and take your skills & intelligence to one of the many more modern, family-friendly, law-abiding companies that would appreciate you. No point cutting off your nose to spite your face.

It sounds horrific but don't let him force you out, try and sit it out for the mat leave (if your organisation's policy is worth it) and meanwhile document everything, file the emails sent on days off, log the calls & have a conversation with hr so there is an official record of your complaints/concerns and in the first instance contact acas helpline - cheaper than a solicitor until you've made your mind up what to do.

Hope things improve for u soon xx

Second contacting ACAS. Also consider a visit to your GP. If this is making you ill - which it sounds like it is, then maybe you need to be signed off for a few weeks.

This will give you some breathing space to really think about what you would like to do.

And seriously, start to document stuff. Write down the stuff he is asking you to do, how he is asking. If you feel he is being rude/unreasonable turn it back on him. Repeat back what he said and say "I am not sure what you meant by this - please would you explain".

m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2042

Hi

Your situation sounds so similar to one I was in. I was (am) pregnant and the job was just more and more demanding getting calls in the middle of the night at the weekend etc, no support from the Senior Management or HR.

OH and I worked out finances if I quit, as a plan B, but try and hang on for maternity leave. Things got worse and the stress was making me sick and affecting bump, and one day things came to a head and I just handed my notice in - at which point they all rallied round "oh what can we do", but by then it was too late and I had, had a gut full.

Since I left sickness has stopped, bump is happier and so am I OH is happier to have me at home as we have so much that needs doing I've got time to sort it out. As soon as a recruitment agency found I had left they offered me some temp work, which is great as whilst I enjoy working some days of the week there is no responsibility - I'm just a solider as I call it.

Think carefully about a tribunal, seek independent legal advise as whilst 9 times out of 10 companies do settle out of court, if they don't it is not a nice experience in court - I suppose compensation vs aggravation (plus will this tribunal stick on you for the future of job seeking should you decide to go back to work after your next baby).

Good luck in whatever you do

P

Thanks.

I spoke to ACAS who said I would have an excellent claim against the company but ... compensation may not be a significant sum. Is the stress, aggravation and blot on my employment history worth it.

I'm so down and stressed I just don't feel I can continue to work for the company, it is seeping into every minute of the day.

I wouldn't be letting him get away with it tbh.

I had something similar when I worked. After dd1 was born I went back to work 3 days a week. It was really hard work. I still had the same number of projects to manage as when I was full time. I didn't have a job share so I used to get really stressed and work at home on my days off. The emails didn't stop coming and there were things I was supposed to action before I was due back at work again. I was miserable. In the end, dh and I sat down and went through the finances and we were spending £500 a month on child care and an extra £200 a month on car, petrol, etc, we decided I'd become a SAHM. I think it was the right decision for me, but I do sometimes feel that I left under a bit of a cloud and it has eaten away at my confidence for some years. I don't know what the answers are, but I've certainly felt less stressed being able to concentrate on the dcs and not having to panic about not being able to go to work when they are sick, etc. Just do what feels right for you.

i would also get pg!

and, easy to say....be more assertive...try it

show him a bar graph with

salary before
salary after

he is paying you LESS now, so he gets less hours

bullying twatarse

please PLEASE try and assert yourself before you leave, you dont have much to lose by the sound of it

you need to be calm, not confrontational buit tell him they buy less of you, ask him is he trying to make u leave???

Get another job, then quit.

In this economy 'just scrape by' can become 'on the bones of your arse' very quickly.

If you don't want to go down the Tribunal route - and I wouldn't blame you for being hesitant (been there, done that, still bear the scars!) - then at the very least leave some ACAS info lying around along with the name of an employment lawyer! Give the miserable fucker something to think about! Have some fun with him!