...to expect her to replace the coat?

[dilys4trevor]

So at DS1's nursery, my son and another child have the exact same coat (M&S, warm, but quite bog standard), except my son's is a different size (bigger). I bought it a few weeks ago in the sale.

Last week the other kid's parent took home my DS's coat in error. Today she brings it back in. It is filthy and the fabric is ripped beyond repair. Clearly, a parent has struggled with the zip and lost their rag, ripping the coat completely.

Parent blamed it on the child (must be a very strong 2 year old!) and tried to give the coat back (according to the staff). Staff said that the coat was ruined and so other mum said it cost 16 quid and so she will bring that money in tomorrow for me.

If it were me, I would a) be mortified and b) offer to go out and buy a replacement coat. If that coat was no longer available (and it won't be - it was a sale item) then I would take the potential hit of buying similar coat for more money elsewhere. Or if I really couldn't spare the time, I would offer say 30 quid for a replacement.

It was the other parent's mistake (and mistakes happen) but then the coat was ruined, so why should I be the person traipsing back to the shops two weeks after I bought it, to probably not find the same coat for the same money and end up spending more? It isn't about the money though, more about time I don't have.

I have asked the staff to ask the mum (not seen her and don't know who she is) to ask her to replace the coat. AIBU?

I really must be sad to be so bothered about this.

YANBU. What a bare faced cheek really. She needs to replace it.

What's with the not paying £30 for a coat thing? £30 isn't expensive for one at all.

She needs to give you the full cost of the coat. Unless she can get yours repaired.

It doesn't matter what was originally paid for the coat; the replacement value is circa £30 so that's what the other mum owes you. She, however, may not see it that way.

I would rather be able to choose the replacment myself, so, no I wouldn't expect her to go shopping on your behalf. I think her offering £16 is very reasonable, tbh - anyone who sends a child to Nursery in a coat costing more than that is taking the chance themselves. It's not sensible, it's a risk.

M&S have some sale coats online now?
Failing that, Mothercare have got some nice ones left in the sale too...
Hope you find something for your DS... I'd be upset too!

No, there's a risk the coat may get torn at nursery, or that it may get covered in paint or mud, or that the child may break the zip themselves. But that's not what happened. OP may feel completely differently if one of those things happened. But we shouldn't have to plan for the risk of an adult pulling a zip too hard and tearing a coat whether it cost £5 or £50.

Yabu. Take the £16 and buy another online, there's bound to still be some bargains.

I would just be grateful they had owned up, ime people just deny all knowledge!!

Take the money and look on eBay?

Marks and Spencers have still got cheap coats online just now. You might get one there.

YANBU to want the full value of the coat..."like for like".

I cannot believe that people really think £30 is a lot to pay for a coat. I think that's perfectly reasonable.

Get used to it, ds2's stuff in particular has been repeatedly trashed. It's part of life around kids I'm afraid.

I wouldn't send a £30 coat into nursery tbh - well not unless I didn't mind losing a £30 coat

Thanks all. Yep, coat was only 16 quid in the sale. It isn't the cash. It is the effort I'll now need to go to (with full time work and a big new biz pitch on). Coat taken Thurs and not returned until today. Oh and her own child's coat was on his peg the whole time, so she had seen a similar coat and just grabbed it off a random peg.

Good point on the replacement thing. Maybe best to ask for full price but then I don't actually know what the full price was (assume about 25 quid).

I'll probably just get a new coat myself and be done. Maybe I am too polite and OTT but I'd have written a note saying 'God, I'm v sorry about the ruined coat. I could replace it or give you the cash. What do you want me to do?'

ANYWAY. I'm working too hard, clearly and should just forget it.

To be clear, I didn't pay 30, I paid 16 in the sale, just like her. My mention of the 30 quid in my original post was to make the point that I would have offered that or a similar ballpark as a gesture given the coat had been trashed (full price of coat would have been in that region i reckon).

But I agree that 30 quid is not expensive anyway. Isn't that what most kids' coats cost when not in a sale? There aren't sales on 365 days a year.

I personally wouldn't ask for the full price I would ask her for what you paid.

Lands End still have the boys's squall parka in the online sale - £19.95 down from £65 and it's a fab coat, it even has growing arms so lasts ages. Got one for DS a few weeks ago and am really pleased with it at that price.

Thanks Kindle. In my indignation I am forgetting about the thing I am on right now called 'the internet.'
Will check it out.

You could phone m&s customer service, ask them what the original cost was, and then ask for that exact amount from the woman. She doesn't know that you got it on sale, the fact that she got era on sale is irrelevant. I wouldn't let on, tell her that the full price amount is what you want back from her.

Have bought a 16 quid coat from M&S online (coincidentally all their Sale coats seem to be 16 quid) and paid a couple of quid delivery. It looks quite nice. I'll tell nursery to just take the 16 quid and be done. And remind myself not to invite mother of 'Zayn' on any of our nursery mum piss ups. Sure she'll be gutted!
Thanks all.

I really hope that's not his real name. If it is you should report your post and YABU.

Am still amazed that anyone thinks it's ordinary to pay £30 for a child's nursery coat.

No time to shop but plenty of time for nursery mum piss ups. Oh well.

YABU

She is bringing in the amount of money of equal value to what you have paid for the coat. That is very reasonable.

Why would you want her to go out and choose a new coat for your son? It may be the wrong colour/size/style/shop/price. Far more sensible for her to give you the money to buy a new one.

Last year, DD2 had a quite unusual anorak and another girl had an identical one. They became best friends and I got to be friends with the girl's mum.
Anyway, coat was outgrown and I ebayed it as it was in great condition. Fast forward 6 months and other mum just told me she'd been sorting out her DD1's clothes for DD2 and discovered the coat ...with my DD's name written in it! Ooops! Neither of us had realised the mix up. Luckily she assured me it wasn't a problem but I was a bit at having ebayed it! Her DD's name wasn't in the other coat and I didn't think anything of it.

Anyway, OP, YANBU to expect an apology and money to buy a new coat. I would have written a grovelly note with a cheque at the least. But, yep, mix-ups and clothes disasters do happen at nursery. Glad you found a nice replacement.

Thanks Loopy.
Got cash from nursery mum and that is the end of it.

I's be glad she'd offered the cash. YABU.

You're lucky to get the coat back tbh.
It's all a muddle in nursery iirc and mostly when things go missing, they've gone. Sometimes minders collect, and don't really care as much as a parent would... It's poo when something is gone, so you're right to feel upset, esp as its so cold, and your DS needs his coat!

Just take the money and put a badge or MASSIVE name tag on the new dcs clothes.
Glad you got it sorted. Now personalise his coat!