AIBU to be really sad about my mothers attitude to my dc birthdays?

[Thatsinteresting]

Yesterday my dm called me to ask when I was celebrating dd birthday and was she invited as her and my dd would like to come. It's not until the summer and it's mid week do I hadn't thought about it but it turns out they've booked a holiday and suddenly realised it might clash. Looking at my calendar it probably would clash so my dm said not to worry she would phone the travel company and move it.
Today I have spoken to her about something unrelated and found out that they've booked another holiday that means they will be awayay both weekends either side of ds birthday. When I mentioned that my parents would miss his celebration she said 'well he's only going to be 2'.
They have been to all of dd's birthdays and parties. They are both retired so can holiday anytime. I KNOW he won't know any different but I will and I'm so sad that they favour one of my dc over the other.

Yabu.

2 year olds tend to have no idea when their birthdays are or who attended.

YABU

DD will be only 2 and couldn't care less. I am not planning to do anything for my DS's second birthday (other than going to the pub with close friends).

YABVU

YABVVVVU.

Really sad might be an overreaction but I don't think YABU to feel puzzled after their reaction to your DD's party date. You haven't stropped and you aren't demanding your parents shift their holiday. Out of interest, what is the age gap between your DS and DD? 'Favouring' sounds a bit strong, unless you frequently see other examples of this.

It's not about them not attending. If they stuck with their plans that would be ok. It's the fact that they booked 2 holidays but quite happy to move one (and probably incur a charge) for dd but not for ds.

As I said I know he won't know but I'm sad that they've attending all dd's birthdays even though it meant taking time off work and travelling but won't do the same for ds.

YABU

How old is DD? I'm guessing she's old enough to notice her GP's absence from her party where as DS wouldn't.

how old will DD be?

i still think you're being YABU regardless, though.

No, dd wouldn't question why they weren't there. I just wonder why of all the weeks in the year to go away they have choosen that one. It's not like they've got to book the time off or that's the only week they can afford.
I am possibly over reacting after last year when fil didn't come to dd's party as he forgot it was her birthday and swapped shifts so he worked that day.

Is DD their first grandchild sometimes GPs put a lot of effort into the first one and feel they've done their bit, nothing against your DS?

YABU

YANBU - because generally, grandparents being at birthday parties is for the GP's benefit, not the DCs, they are normally having more fun with their friends and playing games, GP's won't be missed from the 2 year old's party, but then they wouldn't be missed from your DD's either. (Although you haven't said how old your DD will be)

It's the fact they consider your DD's birthday an event they want to attend and will enjoy seeing her enjoy her birthday, but don't feel the same about your DS that's a bit - particularly if they made an effort with your DD's at the similar age.

There does often tend to be a sense that while parents are belittled for being abit 'PFB' - it often is more the extended family that really make a fuss about the first born of the grandchildren generation, then the 'novelty' has worn off by later babies. From what I've seen, it's grandparents/Aunts/Uncles who treat later DCs differently from first borns, not the parents themselves, but when the parents of the DCs point out that the extended family aren't behaving in the same way to all the DGC's/DN's, they get accused of being precious because the DCs won't notice. If the extended family hadn't made a fuss the first time round, the expectation wouldn't be there with later children.

Oh, and while DS might not notice who is and isn't there, your DD might well be old enough to start to notice that Granny and Grandad always comes to her parties, but not to her little brother's...

Grandparenting is another thing which has got weird recently IMO. When we were little, we saw ours twice a year and they gave us 50p each time. They would no more have dreamt of not going on a trip because it was one of our birthdays than they would have flown to the moon. My grandma sent me her usual tenner when I turned 21 and when I phoned to thank her she said "How old are you this year?"

YABU to expect your parents to rearrange their holidays around a child's birthday party

My ILs were booked to be away for the births of both my DCs, and are usually away for their birthdays.

This doesn't bother me - DC1 is old enough to want friends at his party, not family, and DC2 was simply transfixed by his cake.

But... they make a big deal about how they're missing out on sharing their Big Day. It baffles me. Their birthdays don't change from year to year; if they wanted to be here they could be. Make your mind up!

And yes, they're already planning to be away around my EDD for this pgy. I'm not going to argue; the one time they changed their plans for an EDD I had a horrendous traumatic mc, and got grief around the EDD that they should have been on holiday then.

YABU - neither set of grandparents were at my DDs 2nd birthday party and only one set were at her 1st birthday. My DHs parents were also on holiday for her birth. They have lives and do see her when they can and she knows they love her.
Get over it and enjoy your DCs birthdays instead of focusing on stuff that doesn't matter.

Yes but Ariel - at least that was consistant - if the OP's parents had not rearranged either trip, that wouldn't be an issue - but there's something really irriating when they'll make the effort for one yet decide attending birthdays is unimportant when it's the other one's birthday.

You either think DGC's birthdays are important or you don't, because by only making a fuss of one child, you are saying that only one child is important and the other isn't - that sort of thing will piss off most parents who think their DCs are equally important, even if they children involved are too young to notice.

YABVVU and a wee bit precious