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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Marital woes

9 replies

Emma102 · 11/03/2013 07:36

Ok, this is a bit long and complicated, so I will try and write a concise version. My husband has become increasingly verbally abusive in recent months, not jus calling me awful things but also telling our DD, who is 9, that I am these things. Like most verbally abusive people, he can be lovely and charming but switches very quickly. Then last night, the situation escalated and he said we needed to 'separate our lives more' and he now intends to 'move' his salary out of out joint account and I will have to pay all the bills out of mine.

The thing is , I have worked from home as a freelancer for the past 10 years and, as any freelance writer will tell you, it's really hard to make a good living at the moment. I could only pay a fraction of our fixed outgoings out of my salary alone. To make matters worse, we signed all the paperwork last month to buy our own place. I'm just feeling really vulnerable and scared, terrified that I am going to be left in a shockingly bad financial situation and that my poor DD will also get dragged into it.

To complicate matters even further, we live outside the EU and have work permits that are linked to his contracted job, so if he divorces me, I will lose my right to live here and he will, as a result, almost certainly be given custody of our DD, which would break my heart - not least because I wouldn't even be able to live in the same country as her anymore.I haven't lived here very long and don't have any close friends because I work from home and feel so sad and lonely today. Any advice would be much appreciated because I'm crazy with worry and have no-one to turn to. And sorry this didn't end up being very concise!

OP posts:
Altinkum · 11/03/2013 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NandH · 11/03/2013 07:55

HE'S LEAVING YOU anyway...I'm almost 100% sure! why would he do these things if he wasn't!

you need to take dd home, where ever that may be! do it! don't loose everything you have and do not allow your dd to be taken from your care in put solely in the care of an abusive twunt!!

WheresMrMonkey · 11/03/2013 07:57

Please just go home

Reality · 11/03/2013 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotTreadingGrapes · 11/03/2013 08:05

Don't leave the country with the children without his permission or you can be charged with abducting them. And if he is the arsewit you say he is, then presumably he would go down that path.

Get legal advice in real life. Now.

Emma102 · 11/03/2013 08:07

Hi NotTreadingGrapes,

I couldn't agree more. I wouldn't just take her because he is certainly capable of using that against me. Whatever action I take, I must do it calmly from here.
Besides, 'home' is here now. I wouldn't know where else to go.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 11/03/2013 08:10

Seek legal advice, NOW.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Thanks

WafflyVersatile · 11/03/2013 08:44

Legal advice. Are you both British and only there in his work visa? That might not be quite so bad.

At 'best' he is moving onto financial abuse. It's probably a move to split up tho.

LessMissAbs · 11/03/2013 08:50

You sound as though you're in shock right now, because this is all quite recent. I would suspect another woman. But what you must concentrate on now is you.

I think you need to find out more about his intentions and what has brought it on. Therefore you need to question him and stand up to him. Its not going to make things worse, and you need information before you proceed.

It sounds as though you should pull out of the house purchase. If you're that far down the line, you will have lawyers acting for you in the purchase. A way of getting quick, free legal advice would be to give them a ring, explain the circumstances and ask what they think you should do.

I echo that you should be planning around moving back home and leaving him. You sound as though you are scared to rock the boat too much, but you certainly don't want to be in the same or a similar situation in a year's time.

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