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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

not to want to organise the date of a christening around somebody's puppy?

44 replies

DonkeyDaddy · 10/03/2013 21:39

I've never had a dog, so I need some advice about something I don't know about. My wife and I are organising a christening and important guests would prefer us to delay from our preferred date because they most likely will have a very young puppy (that won't have had its vaccinations). I would have thought they could just bring it along for a day trip. There won't be other dogs. But apparently not. What do you think?

OP posts:
Toadinthehole · 11/03/2013 05:12

Perfectly reasonable for them to ask - perfectly reasonable for you not to want to rearrange.

Doesn't sound like anyone is being unreasonable.

Why should anyone assume that these important guests expect the christening date to be altered just for them? All they have done is express their preference.

Toadinthehole · 11/03/2013 05:16

I think this is about accommodation, not rights. Clearly these purple would like to come if possible.

Tricycletops · 11/03/2013 06:29

It's the same as the age-old children at weddings debate.

Um, no it's not. Because it's a dog.

OP YADNBU.

TheRealFellatio · 11/03/2013 06:36

So they are godparents or grandparents or something, I'm guessing. I would not recommend they bring the puppy at all - if it's too young for vaccinations then it won't be fully housetrained yet, and it will have to stay locked up somewhere unfamiliar while the service goes ahead. If I were them I'd just find someone to look after it for the day, a neighbour or a friend can just go in and let it into the garden to go to the loo - it shouldn't be that hard. It really won't die if it stays alone just for the day - it's not human!

PromQueenWithin · 11/03/2013 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livinginwonderland · 11/03/2013 07:50

my friend got a puppy recently and it hasn't had all it's vaccinations yet, and she won't take it out anywhere until it is. if they can't find someone to look after it at their home, they're being very reasonable by saying they can't come.

you can't take a new puppy (not toilet-trained, no vaccinations) out like that for the day, unfortunately. new puppies are a big commitment.

saintlyjimjams · 11/03/2013 08:02

We couldn't have taken our puppy in the car for 2 hours because he used to crap everywhere then spin in it (nice for a christening). By the time he was nearly a year old we could (and did) take him from one end of the country to the other by car, but not before house training. We couldn't have left him either because he would cry (annoy the neighbours) and again poo and spin.

JollyYellowGiant · 11/03/2013 08:04

And if they did take him, he would have nowhere to poo or wee as unvaxed puppies can't be anywhere other dogs have been.

ChasedByBees · 11/03/2013 08:21

You may think its daft - I did until I read some of the other replies - but it's important to them and they have a right to refuse an invitation on any grounds. So if you want them there, you'll have to consider the dog and whether you think it's a PFB dog reason or not is irrelevant.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 11/03/2013 08:26

Yanbu but neither are they.

I have a 7 month old pup and whilst I wouldn't have asked anyone to change a date when he was really little, I would have felt no guilt at bowing out of what is a social occaision. I took on a puppy, it is my responsibilty to ensure it is cared for properly. I have turned down lots of meet ups since I got him and feel no guilt.

He may be just a dog butI chose to take him on and therefore have a responsibilty to do the right thing by him.

flow4 · 11/03/2013 08:33

Can they delay getting the puppy by a few days? Most pups are taken from their mothers too very young anyway; if the christening is just after the date they were due to get it, it would almost certainly benefit from having an extra few days/week with its mum.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 11/03/2013 09:08

Arranging a christening around someone's puppy? Now I've heard everything.

Of course YANBU! They should get a pet sitter.

StanleyLambchop · 11/03/2013 09:18

You say in your OP that they will 'most likely' have the puppy by then, which suggests they are not 100% sure. So what if you re-arrange the christening, then find out that there were delays with the puppy and it is still not vaccinated/toilet trained/ needing constant attention on the new date? It seems like there are a lot of uncertainties with your froiends situation, I would be careful that you don't end up changing it so many times that other guests start to drop out.

Merrylegs · 11/03/2013 09:22

About a week after we got our puppy we had to attend a family funeral a two hour drive away.

Of course we couldn't take the pup so a kind friend had him for the day. He was perfectly fine.

I cannot believe they won't be able to find someone to pup-sit.

This will be a good lesson for them in the responsibility of dog ownership. Your christening will only be the first of many occasions when they will have to organize their lives around the dog, so it will do them no harm to start now.

I wouldn't dream of asking someone to rearrange a big event - my puppy, my problem.

babybythesea · 11/03/2013 09:29

I also think they are fine just to ask. They took on a puppy and with that comes responsibility. Sounds to me like they are taking it seriously.
For the poster who said someone could pop round and let it out to wee - that's what you do with an older dog who is used to being left and can hold on. An untrained puppy won't know it needs to wait until it's let into the garden. Dogs become flexible and adaptable as they get bigger, but you have a settling in period first. Like kids really - you have a bit where you give yourself time to let things settle down and then it gets easier and you can start getting on with stuff again.
It's not human, no, but it is an animal with the ability to feel fear and distress and if you choose to take it on, then you have a responsibility towards it. If you don't take this stuff seriously, then you end up with problem dogs who don't behave, won't settle, get anxious and chew things, bark and howl when they are left, and everyone says "Well why didn't you look after it properly - taking a dog on is a big responsibility you know."

They are clearly planning ahead, and knowing that the christening is being planned too and that there might be a problem, they've started to try and think about a way round it. There might not be anyone who can come and puppy sit - same way as some people don't have anyone to babysit. This time next year it probably wouldn't have been a problem - it is the fact the puppy is so young. Leaving it in the car will probably result in a car covered in crap and vomit.

For what it's worth, I planned the time of year I got my puppy, so I had the time to get her settled in and sorted, gave myself a few months of letting her adjust (quick trips out without her to start with, followed by slightly longer trips etc) and now she is the most laid back, chilled out hound ever, who is dead easy to be around, and easy to leave if I need to attend things. It won't stop them doing stuff forever - they just have a critical period to get through first.

So they've asked. You can say no, or work with them to come up with another idea. If the date is important to you then you might have to live with them not being there but it sounds as though they are important to you, so talk to them and see if they've come up with any other ideas. (If you've had time to go away and think about it then chances are so have they - they've responded the way I probably would to begin with, but then after coming off the phone my mind would start going over it - what are the ways round this? They might have more ideas now they've had some time to mull things over.)

TheRealFellatio · 11/03/2013 11:37

Prom I was not advocating leaving it alone for the whole day - I did say they should get a friend or neighbour to go in and see it.

PromQueenWithin · 11/03/2013 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dorris83 · 11/03/2013 19:52

Agree with babybythesea and promqueen. A puppy is a big responsibility and needs to be taken seriously. Sounds like your friends are being very sensible. Those who think a puppy can just be left or taken two hours in a car to a destination without their vaccinations simply doesn't understand.

fallon8 · 12/03/2013 17:38

They don't want to come,like me,they would prefer to stay with the puppy,,just accept it,it's easier to be at home with a young puppy

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