To think this was really insensitive of the school?

[muminthecity]

I'm genuinely not sure if I am being unreasonable about this.

My grandad died about 5 weeks ago. We were very close and it was very difficult for me, but even more difficult for my DD, who was very close to her great grandad. It was her first experience of death and she found it incredibly difficult to come to terms with. The school know this, she had time off for the funeral and has on several occasions become very upset in class, usually when there is any mention of families/grandparents.

It would have been grandad's birthday last Tuesday, and at the end of the day, DD's teacher spoke to me to let me know that DD had had a difficult day, had become upset and cried several times throughout the day.

So the school is well aware of the difficult time DD has had and how much she has struggled with her loss.

Anyway, this evening, DD and I sat down together to read her school reading book. The book is called Grandma's Smile and the very first sentence of the book is 'My Grandpa died yesterday..' It then goes on to talk about how sad this little girl is and how she wants to make her grandma smile again. DD got upset at the first sentence and we had to give up and put the book away.

So AIBU to think that this was very insensitive of the teacher, and do you think I should mention it to her tomorrow? I realise that I may be overreacting slightly due to my own grief so am interested to hear other opinions.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

I'm a teacher and as a PP has said, children often change their own reading books and don't even look at the title, they just shove it in their bag to read at home. Is it possible that this is what happened?

I would have thought it was deliberate, as she's clearly finding it difficult to cope if she's being over emotional in class?

Why not just read the book with her to see if it helps? I certainly wouldn't have assumed the teacher lacked sensitivity; I would have assumed they were trying to help.

I actually think that the teacher should have left well alone and read something else, it's not her place to read a book like that knowing what has happened.

Oh, so I understand it was in her book bag now.

The teacher probably thought it may help you.

The teacher was being kind here.

Firstly, sorry for your loss and sorry your DD is finding it so hard.

I have to agree with some previous posters that this could easily have happened without intent or malice (or even knowledge, really).

Both my children change their own books (Year 2 and Year 5). I learnt this when I sent a (slightly snotty) note saying DD kept getting the same book home and then refusing to read it - cheeky girl though she'd figured out a great wheeze to get out of school reading.

But also, I am sometimes asked to change the books at the school I work in. It is not my usual job, so I am not familiar with the titles. I change them for ninety children, and just put in the next book in the order the school has deemed. I could easily, easily have sent this book home (and I don't know around 45 of the 90 children, so could easily have been unaware of the loss too).

Don't read it though, if it is too upsetting. Just drop a short note to explain you'd like another book.

Hope you all start to feel as better as you can soon, losing a loved one is tough.

Have you read the book right until the end? I'm guessing that the family Si find things to smile about again. It may help.

I think it was done with the best intentions, and I think it is a good thing the school tried to help. If its affecting her at school then they should. But if you feel your dd isn't ready at the moment then tell them thank you but no thank you.

Before you go in all guns blazing, it's worth finding out if the students select their own books, or if it's put in their bags by a TA or parent helper.

I would also suggest that it might be worth addressing your daughters grief. She needs to be able to start processing his death as you cannot avoid any mention of death for an indefinite period of time. There are several organisations online with information that can help you.

Thank you again for your replies. DD gets 2 books to bring home, one 'free choice' book, chosen by her and one reading scheme book, chosen by the teacher, this one was the latter. However I do think it is quite possible that the teacher was unaware of the content of the book, so it may well have been accidental.

Having read the book to the end, I don't think it was put there deliberately now. I can't see anything in it that would help DD with her grief at all.

MidniteScribbler - I never had any intention of going in 'all guns blazing', as I explained above, I was planning to mention it politely, that is all.

I am addressing my daughter's grief. I am going to great lengths to address her grief, and to support her through it, in fact. But thank you for your input.

UPDATE:

Just thought I'd update you all on what happened. I didn't see DD's teacher yesterday so I spoke to the TA who apologised profusely and said she was sure the book wasn't given deliberately. She said she would change it and I thanked her, all very nice and friendly.

Today, DD's teacher came to see me after school, she was completely mortified about the book and couldn't apologise enough. I assured her that it was no problem, the book had been changed and I was perfectly happy. Again, all very friendly.

Thanks again to all who replied.

That's good muminthecity - hope you're ok.

fantastic! i love a happy update.