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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

482 replies

manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 18:51

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
freddiefrog · 10/03/2013 19:16

Sorry, but I think YABU too.

We're taking part in Rock Challenge. We would never expect a child to chose between spending mothers day with their mother and a dress rehearsal, if they can't make it, they can't make it, some of them come for part of the day and we work round them

Just because you don't see any importance in Mother's day, it doesn't mean other people don't want to spend the day together.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 10/03/2013 19:16

We're talking about a child missing a rehearsal for a school play, not a professional adult actor and a West End production fgs. Fair enough to stress that everyone should attend, but YABVVVU to kick him out for missing today because of family engagements on Mother's Day. At 13 years old the decision would have been his parents', not his. It's grossly unfair to punish him.

Wewereherefirst · 10/03/2013 19:17

Weddings- husband and I
Christmas- the family
Mothers day- ME ME ME ME

Grin
DonderandBlitzen · 10/03/2013 19:17

Well I think it was an oversight on your part to schedule the play so that the dress rehearsal would fall on mothers' day.

WilsonFrickett · 10/03/2013 19:17

YANBU. Rehearsal schedules are there for a reason and if it was clear at the beginning that attendance was compulsory, then that's that. 69 other children managed it. I think pp a over-reacting because its mothers day tbh. What if he'd missed the rehearsal for a football match, or a holiday, or a family BBQ? Would that have been ok too?

TidyDancer · 10/03/2013 19:17

I would add, I think you should reconsider on the basis of one last chance and that's it. It's really very unfair to punish the child for the parents decision.

Wewereherefirst · 10/03/2013 19:18

I take it the poor kids part has been taken over by someone else who was too afraid to say no

gwenniebee · 10/03/2013 19:18

YABU to hold it today and YABU to kick a 13 yo out when presumably he had no choice. I bet you've spoilt the day for both the child and the mother.

I used to work in a school where the twice termly Sunday Chapel often fell on Mothering Sunday and while as a staff we weren't happy when certain children didn't show up, we would never have taken it out on them as it isn't their decision at that age.

YA also BU to think that people don't think Mothering Sunday is that important. For me today, I have really enjoyed a beautiful church service where all the ladies where given bunches of flowers, and been highly amused and very touched by my DH baking a cake on behalf of my baby dd. It was a lovely way of showing that he (and she) appreciate me.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/03/2013 19:18

Yes, the show must go on. With 6 months notice and 70 kids who made it there, they all knew the rules.

It's that families responsibility for not checking the dates in advance - if the Sunday before the show is an all day rehearsal it's hardly a bloody surprise.

Taffeta · 10/03/2013 19:19

You need to check your calendar for next year, that's FoSho.

EmmelineGoulden · 10/03/2013 19:19

I'm amazed you only lost one kid. As a school I think you should have had more consideration for pupils and their families than to plan something that would require rehersal on Mother's day. I don't celebrate, but most people do.

As a school I think it's particularly arrogant to have scheduled it that way. Most parents will give up many things for their children - but you shouldn't be making it more awkward and costly than it needs to be, family life is important too. They may have had five months knowing about the rehearsal, but you set the schedule - why couldn't you have done it so the set got made earlier and the rehearsal got done on Saturday? Or the whole thing a week later?

Having timetabled it though YWNBU to kick him out for not making a mandatory rehearsal - otherwise it's not mandatory is it?

ivykaty44 · 10/03/2013 19:20

TBF there are only 52 Sundays in the year so the Op didn't have many to choice from - given that the dress rehersal needs to be just before the play that narrows it down to even less.

The parents read , signed and agreed to the boy going to the rehersal on that day - they knew for 5 months, why should they then back track on the commitment they gave and what message does it send to the pupil if his parents are allowed to sign an agreement and then back out of it and it is ok with the teachers, surely that would show that the agreement is worth diddly squat

Catchingmockingbirds · 10/03/2013 19:20

You may not think Mother's Day is important but obviously others do, including this boys family. You've no idea what's been going on within this family either. Yabu, you've already said you'd make exceptions under certain circumstances.

idshagphilspencer · 10/03/2013 19:20

So no compassion for a family who may have very difficult personal circumstances e.g. bereavement , terminal illness? Ok, right....

xxDebstarxx · 10/03/2013 19:20

YANBU...if it had been any other rehearsal then I would say you were being unreasonable but the dress rehearsal is the most important one of the lot and you had specified this at the start of the process.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 19:21

I've explained upthread why the rehearsal had to be today.

We haven't been preparing since Oct. We started auditioning in Oct and the consent forms were all signed before the children auditioned. We began rehearsing just before Christmas.

Actually he hasn't attended all the other rehearsals, he missed 2 last week and another couple earlier in the term. But that isn't relevant, those rehearsals aren't the reason he can't be in the play.

OP posts:
youmaycallmeSSP · 10/03/2013 19:21

Sorry, I think that's awful. Regardless of your own low opinion of today's celebration, a lot of families consider it important enough to want to spend it together as a family. Deliberately scheduling an all-day rehearsal for today was poorly thought out and inconsiderate and yes, it does sound like the organisers have lost all sense of perspective. The play could have been last week, or next week and it wouldn't matter. Mothering Sunday, much like Christmas and Easter, isn't generally shifted around to accommodate school plays.

So YABU for making such a poor scheduling choice in the first place.

Iamsparklyknickers · 10/03/2013 19:22

Actually reading the replies I think this boys parents AU.

They presumably know it's important to the boy, they're aware of the ground rules, yet they've made a decision that's lost him his role. OP is in a position of enforcing rules to coordinate 70 children, how often can you make exceptions without the whole thing going to pot.

There really aren't many circumstances that I could see them being unable to bend the rules for one day. They can bitch and moan if they want to, that's fine, but I personally think that it's cruel to knowingingly lose him his part.

Unless the boy himself has made that choice...

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2013 19:22

Another YABU. Just because you don't think Mothering Sunday is important... You do understand that different people have different feelings and opinions to yours, don't you? I'm an atheist but understand that religious holidays are important.

Poor kid, poor mother, poor 69 other kids and mothers who might have liked to spend the day together.

missmapp · 10/03/2013 19:22

YANBU if the consequences of missing a rehearsal was made clear at the beginning .

Ds1 has been at a football tournament all day, didnt spoil my mothers day.

idshagphilspencer · 10/03/2013 19:22

Op I hope you never need the compassion and flexibility of another human being.

DonderandBlitzen · 10/03/2013 19:22

I wonder if we will see an article in the Daily Mail with the boy and his mum doing sad faces about him losing his part because he was celebrating mothers' day.

CloudsAndTrees · 10/03/2013 19:23

While I would have let my child go to the rehearsal today, I think you were very harsh to kick him out of the show less than a week before it goes on stage if he's been committed to rehearsals since October.

Has he missed other rehearsals? If so, maybe you have good reason to have told him he can't be in the show, but if not, that's just plain mean. He's a child, and I guess you know little of his family circumstances that might make this a day that matters to that family more than most.

BellaVita · 10/03/2013 19:24

Agree with Taffeta.

exexpat · 10/03/2013 19:24

I'll just chip in a little YANBU since there are so many going the other way.

I don't know when mother's day started being such a huge deal in the UK, but it has bypassed my family. Wonky nursery-made cards are lovely, as would be a cup of tea, but why on earth does it have to be a whole day?

They had five months' notice and you were clear about the consequences from the start.

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