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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with DH's friend and want to avoid him this morning?

13 replies

IShallCallYouSquishy · 10/03/2013 07:46

DH's best friend stayed with us this weekend, I'll call him X. He's in a long term relationship (6 years) and his partner has a little girl whose dad sadly died, and although she knows about her dad, he is daddy to her.

They went out last night (I happily sat on sofa with a bar of choc and DVD) and DH got home at about 1. He. Doesn't seen hungover today as he was warned he better not be a grump on my first Mother's Day Wink I'm not long up with the baby and DH said he thinks X has only just in. A bit bemused I then figured out it means he went back with a woman last night. He's away from his partner and child for 2 nights and spends one of then having sex with another woman. I'm pretty appalled by this and from what I've gleaned from my DH he has form for sleeping with other women behind her back.

I dont really want to speak to or engage in conversation with him this morning, and luckily he is on an earlyish train home. His partner is a lovely lady and there's a little girl involved. To top it off he was only saying on Friday they are planning to get married and think about a baby.

What a dick. I know what he's done but what the hell can I do about it?

OP posts:
readysteady · 10/03/2013 07:53

I would be very vocal and challenge him when you see him, I would then not have him back in the house and if you are friends with his partner I would tell her if you know for sure this happened, why is your DH friends with someone like this? I would be horrified! Sorry you have to be witness to this.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy · 10/03/2013 07:55

You do nothing.

What a wanker.

LittleChickpea · 10/03/2013 07:56

Disgusting...... YANBU. I found myself in a similar situation with DP friend, using our home as an alibi for cheating. I told him straight in front of DP. I told him, I didn't agree with it, I didn't appreciate my home been used in such an applauing and disrespectful way and I would not lie to his DP for him. Told him if she ever so much as mentioned this or asked me about his trustworthiness I would tell her the truth.

To say the least he has never stepped foot in my door again and avoids me like the plague. DP knows me and supported my position on this. DP and his friend are still friends.

Kick him out of your home!

msrisotto · 10/03/2013 08:00

I agree with ready steady, I would NOT be happy to be complicit in his nasty affair. How disgusting to involve you two, how insulting to his partner. Eugh.

Hopeforever · 10/03/2013 08:00

Trouble is you only have this information from your DH, what does he think of the situation and how would he react if you asked this man to leave and not return?

This guys behaviour is unacceptable but you have to consider your relationship with your child's father too

You can refuse to have him to stay again without fear

OhDearieDearieMe · 10/03/2013 08:10

If he's guilty then YANBU but do you not think it might be wiser to be absolutely sure before going off on one?

ColaConkie · 10/03/2013 08:17

You are only guessing this is what happened. I'd find out the truth first

Icelollycraving · 10/03/2013 08:25

If he comes down looking sheepish, I would say that you thought he'd gone home & that's what you'd told his partner when she called.
When he goes pale & starts panicking,tell him you know where he was & that whilst you haven't told her yet he better piss off home & count his blessings.

Original poster
IShallCallYouSquishy · 10/03/2013 09:08

Little update...

While sorting baby I heard him tell DH he got back to ours about hour after DH did in the end. So I'm guessing he didn't cheat but had thought about it. He has definitely cheated in the past though.

I'm not what you would call friends with his partner, they live a couple hundred miles away, but we get on when we all meet up once a year or so. DH and X have been friends since secondary school, so 25 years or so.

DH doesn't agree with anyone cheating, but seems to make an exception for X. I'm glad nothing happened while staying at ours but still don't know how he can plan to marry a woman he has cheated on more than once.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 10/03/2013 10:09

I'd ban this guy from my home and be perfectly happy to tell him exactly why. Vile man.

I'd also be pretty unhappy to discover my husband is the kind of man who ignores and enables affairs :(

qazxc · 10/03/2013 12:06

I'd have a word with DP after the mate has left and explain that you aren't happy with having him stay over as you don't want to enabling or complicit in his cheating.
I know that he didn't cheat this time, but what about next time?
What about the awkward position it puts you in when you spend time with his mate's DP?
But other than that i don't think there's anything you can do. If you confront the mate he will only deny and run home with a story so that she won't believe if you spill the beans. If you tell her, you have no proof, he'll deny it and make you out to be a crazy shit stirrer.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2013 12:09

I was going to ask how you managed to 'figure' out he had cheated? Confused

XiCi · 10/03/2013 13:28

So you don't actually know that he cheated? He just happened to stay out an hour longer than your DH. So he could of just fancied another drink or been chatting to someone or gone for some food?

You sound like one hell of a drama queen

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