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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let DD (12) dye her hair?

67 replies

2kidsintow · 09/03/2013 21:31

I'm having mixed feelings, personally.
Lots of her friends the same age have already done it. She's bought a non-permanent kit from asda that says it washes out after a few weeks. She's chosen a shade that will work well with her hair (naturally a lovely mid-dark brown - she's chosed a reddish shade that isn't too brash).

Part of me is happy to let her do it. I'm sure I was using non permanent dyes at her age or a year or so older.

Part of me doesn't want to. The packs now say that it 'isn't intended for use on the under 16s'.

OP posts:

anonymosity · 09/03/2013 22:26

Do it!
My mum let me have a bright red streak through the front in the early 80s, very new wave - I was 13 or 14 and it made me very happy indeed. No problems and full academic achievements ensued!

Fallenangle · 09/03/2013 22:28

The instructions say 'not recommended for under 16 s' for a reason OP and its not to spoil the kids' fun.

ihavenonameonhere · 09/03/2013 22:30

Get her some sun in ;) I spent every summer desperatly trying to get my hair to go blonde using that stuff

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2013 22:35

Didn't they ban Sun In at one point?

I'm almost sure it was too high in peroxide to be left in the hair?

Might have dreamt that though...

sukysue · 09/03/2013 22:41

she only wants to experiment and be like her friends.

mummymeister · 09/03/2013 22:47

2 dd's 13 and 15 and i wouldnt let either tbh. school say it has to be a natural colour but i am worried about the damage it does to their skin and hair especially if they start this young. we too have the "so and so's mum lets her do it" If she is going to dye her hair then you need to supervise it, be comfortable with it and also do it at Easter in case it goes the wrong colour or all falls out. tread carefully but ultimately it is down to you and how you like to parent.

Lavendersbluedillydilly1969 · 09/03/2013 22:53

Don't let her near the Sun-in, that stuff turned my hair carrot coloured in the eighties and I had to let it grow out (took forever). DD1 is having blond highlights I for her 12th birthday this summer. I coloured my hair T same age and still passed my exams and have a very happy marriage, not sure what the big deal is really as long as its done properly and safely and too wild a colour.

PolterGoose · 09/03/2013 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jengnr · 09/03/2013 23:23

She'll do it anyway.

And I have no idea (as a woman who dyed my hair a lot in my teens/twenties but haven't dyed more than maybe every four years since) why teenagers shouldn't dye their hair.

It's not something they're stuck with forever after all. They might look ridiculous but that's pretty much what being a teenager is all about.

Original poster

2kidsintow · 09/03/2013 23:39

Thanks for all the opinions.

I'm glad she's asking about it, instead of just doing it herself (which is what I'm sure I did myself).

Have done a patch test. Will see what happens. I like the idea of waiting til the easter hols (2 more weeks here) and she's pretty sensible, so I think she'll have no problems with that.

Her school website says plenty about makeup and jewelry but nothing about hair colour. It has a line about not being too outrageous, but a slightly darker and redder version of her own natural colour isn't going to be outrageous. (At least I hope not!)

OP posts:

TotallyBursar · 10/03/2013 00:24

I'm not sure I can give any kind of useful answer to this thread considering my hair is tri layered pink to violet but anyway. I don't think she is too young to be allowed to experiment, many people have no issues with DC asking for blonde for example. Personally I would have no issue with an 'alternative' colour apart from it being against school rules. I think it is a great and fun method of self expression and having fun with, and enjoying, your appearance. There will be years enough that employment places restrictions on her.

School - a check of their policy hasn't been very useful has it! But as a 'natural' colour rather than a solid bright (basically a red tone that gives a hint in the light?) then I can't see why it would fall foul of uniform regs. Easter hols aren't far off though.

Dye - rather than using a henna based colour she could get much kinder results by using a vegetable dye, a wash out semi. Something like Directions by La Riche, Manic Panic (although I wouldn't waste my money) or Special effects to name a few. I would always, always prefer my DC to use these rather than the horrible supermarket kits. Much nicer and much safer. When she's old enough to/if she ever wants to get a lift then they are much better for her hair after bleaching than the kits. Adore dyes also come in 'natural' colours, they are a veg semi and have some gorgeous shades. They will wash out in 6-8 washes/few weeks, depending on her hair/the dye colour, but don't have the nasties in them. I wouldn't let my DC's use the kits due to the ingredients.
The adore dyes are here and you can see all the other dyes too to see what reds they have. If it something she's interested in then they have a good forum there too - lots of experienced hair dyers that will give peer advice and she can see how to be safe with kits, bleach etc rather than finding out by having an injury/mishap, be kind to her hair and also get lovely results that mean she doesn't end up looking like I did that fateful summer in '96! Seeing what it takes to do certain styles properly and the results of being impatient or not following the advice may also prevent any hair disasters.
Considering some of the horrifying things some hairdressers do to hair when colouring I tend to do it myself. After seeing more than one crack out the 40 vol and a hairdryer I tend to steer clear.

catlady1 · 10/03/2013 00:34

Remember that a non-permanent dye can't make hair any lighter than it already is - so if she's naturally brunette, a non-permanent red dye could not possibly turn out unnaturally bright red. The most it will do on dark hair is give it a bit of a reddish tint. If she was blonde, I'd say don't do it, purely because I made the same mistake as a teenager and was walking around with bright orange hair for weeks before it totally washed out, but as a brunette she should be fine. Maybe do it at the start of the holidays though so she can see what it looks like and how it washes out without knowing she has to go to school with it the next day? She can always do it again if she likes it.

freddiefrog · 10/03/2013 00:41

I'd wait until the start of the easter holidays too.

My 11 year old is desperate for dip dye so I've got her some hair chalks to play with over the holidays. She's not asked for proper dye yet but I'm happy for her to faff about with it, it's just hair

Backtobedlam · 10/03/2013 08:25

My ds has been asking to have his hair dyed green and blue since he was 3yrs old. I have no problem with him experimenting or wanting to look a bit different. More recently he's asking for blonde highlights. The only reason I've said no so far is because his preschool and school have a 'no dye' policy, and I'm not sure about the chemical levels for children. Will read around it a but more I think.

ChristmasJubilee · 10/03/2013 08:40

I was going to say "thank goodness I have boys" and then I read Backtobedlam's post. I think 12 is too young.

TotallyBursar · 10/03/2013 08:54

I'm not being snippy or picky at all, just asking but:

If you think 12 is too young what is it they are too young for?
Is it health/chemical thing? Is it the start of changing their appearance? Would any colour or process be preferable?
For instance some are happy to have dye happen as long as it isn't alt colours so that discounts both reasons I can come up with.
Considering hair is transient and summer holidays are long/some colours are subtle I am just wondering why some parents aren't happy with it?

Rufus43 · 10/03/2013 10:52

I would be very careful with the dark hair dyes. My friends dc wanted to dye their hair so my friend followed the instructions, did the patch test and dc still ended up with a head swelled twice it's normal size, 2 nights in hospital and their hair shaved up. Its an allergic reaction, which also occurs with black henna tattoos and does not show up with a patch test. Obviously it's fairly rare but it might make sense to do it on a weekend morning and keep them home for a few hours just in case.

Remotecontrolduck · 10/03/2013 12:07

I think it's fine, it's only semi perm and not entirely different to her natural shade. It's natural to want to experiment with different looks growing up.

qazxc · 10/03/2013 12:18

Is the shade suitable for school? some school are funny about hair dye.
Make sure to do a patch test first.
Make it clear to her that you may be allowing this dyeing if the patch test turns out all right but that she must run any dyeing of hair by you first. My friends niece topped up her colour with a different hair dye and it went very, very wrong.
better than she do it in a controlled way than behind your back at a mates house (see above).
If you are unhappy with the semi permanent dye, could you compromise with a wash in/ wash out one that you both like? I used to use these when i was about your daughter's age and they aren't as hard on the hair (although beware getting caught in the rain)

youfhearted · 10/03/2013 12:28

i think the wash outs are fine, and would do my dd's, do do their hair in fact. although i often harp on about how I had to dye my hair myself when i was a teen.

SirBoobAlot · 10/03/2013 12:35

Do a skin test, if that's fine, then why not? I started dying mine at 13, it's been various shades of red ever since.

dondon33 · 10/03/2013 12:54

I'd probably let her although from my own experience I'd say - once she starts it'll possibly open the door to wanting to do it more, it did me.
I didn't ask anyone the first time I done it at 13 - I went blue, my mums face was a picture when I walked back through the door, having left a mousy brown/dark blonde colour some 4 hours before :)
The bollocking wasn't too bad so I continued changing colours every few months until I discovered 'Sun in', some full bottle and an hour with the hair dryer later - I wrecked my hair :( I had to get it all chopped short and a gentler darker blonde put on it at the hairdressers until I grew all of the damage out.
I'm 34 now and have never had my natural colour since I was 13, I'm black now and due to the nightmare of getting that colour out, I probably never will :(

pixi2 · 10/03/2013 12:57

I was dying my hair at 11yrs. Chestnut brown/red. Always wash in was out. Moved to semi permanent at 13 and was getting highlights at 16.

BackforGood · 10/03/2013 13:07

I wouldn't be too keen (have dds of 14 and 11, so am 'there' in life). I just think there are so many things to be trying out in life at this young age, without getting in to the whole thing of 'wanting to look a certain way'. Fortunately dd1 (and 2 at the moment, although she's not 12 yet) have more self esteem than to have to rely on changing their appearance with dyes.
The positive thing is that she's talking to you about it, rather than just doing it herself of course, but, as you say it says on the packet 'Not suitable for U16s' I think your answer is there.

OkayHazel · 10/03/2013 13:36

Been dying mine since 12, its fine. And its been dip dyed pink and purple too, so so much for the natural colours theory. Its actually bleach/peroxide that does the real damage.

And I'm also sure, whether she goes to school or not, that the shade she has chosen is natural and therefore suitable.

Let her!

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