Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To consider 4 weeks in another country from DS?

21 replies

StickEmWithThePointyEnd · 09/03/2013 20:59

I have an opportunity to spend three weeks studying in another country, to enable me to be "immersed" in a language I am passionate about and will be studying at university later this year. I really want to take this opportunity as it will help enormously with my studies.

However, I also have a trip in the calendar, in yet another country, to do with work. This trip will take place at around the same time as this study opportunity (dates unconfirmed but it will either clash with the three weeks study, in which case I won't go on the work trip, or it will take place in the week immediately after the studying.)

So, I will either spend 3 weeks away from ds or 4 weeks. Either way it's much longer than I've ever spent away from him before - which is 4 days for a work conference!

Is this a really bad idea? He will be three at the time. If I didn't have a child I would jump at the chance of both opportunities but leaving ds is making me worry that I shouldn't be going.

OP posts:

Keepsmilingsunshine · 09/03/2013 21:04

If this opportunity would benefit you and your son in the long run I would be inclined to go. There are plenty of ways to have regular contact; facetime, skype etc...

Only you know what is right for you and your family.

Who would DS be staying with?

Aworryingtrend · 09/03/2013 21:05

we need more information. who would be looking after Ds? how would his daily routine be affected? Whats his tempermant ie happy to be separate from you or not? How would you keep in touch whilat you were away?

MerylStrop · 09/03/2013 21:06

How old is DS?

MerylStrop · 09/03/2013 21:10

Oh sorry, just seen he would be 3.

Are you usually his main carer? Who will look after him?

BubblegumPie · 09/03/2013 21:10

Is there no way you could take him with you?

Original poster

StickEmWithThePointyEnd · 09/03/2013 21:10

He will be 3 when I go.

Dh will be at college at this time and would be looking after him. To cover any childcare gaps that might happen when dh is at class for example then my sister, brother, BILs (x2) or MIL would be on hand.

DS is very comfortable with all of them. He is fine when away from me normally, doesn't even cry when dh or I go to work anymore.

I think he would be fine, I'm just worried about the extended length of time I'd be away from him.

OP posts:

sarahtigh · 09/03/2013 21:12

OP says he is 3

if he is generally happy and content will probably be OK my DH has just been wroking away for 3 weeks my DD is also 3 and she has been fine, just doing normal stuff going to nursery etc, OK so it is slightly different as she spends most of her waking hours with me rather then DH she misses her Dad but says she loves him she is fine, however she does not really want to talk to him on the phone, not beecause she is cross but I think it is a bit weird for her

my advice is to try and go away for a night or two before then to see how it goes, make sure same person is doing caring for al 4 weeks not 1 week at your mums 1 week with MIL another with his father etc, he should if possible still go to nursery toddler groups etc

if and when you go do not get cross if he does not talk much or tell you what he is doing or says I'm too busy playing , if he is clingy I think it will be difficult

Original poster

StickEmWithThePointyEnd · 09/03/2013 21:16

I wouldn't be able to take him with me, as I have to stay on campus accomodation but I'm considering getting dh to get a hotel room and spend a weekend there, However I wonder if that may do more harm than good as we will have to say goodbye again.

I work full time anyway, so ds is very used to being looked after by dh during the day (dh currently works evenings so ds doesn't go to formal childcare).

OP posts:

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 09/03/2013 21:20

I went for 2 weeks when DS3 was a preschooler. DS was perfectly able to look after him but I was ready to come home to him after 10 days.
We prepared DS well. I left voice recordings of his bedtime stories and a special teddy who would be 'looking after' him till I got home. I phoned every day (this was pre-Skype). DH said DS was fine.

Would you be able to cut your trip short when you were out there if necessary?

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 09/03/2013 21:22

I wouldn't do the hotel thing tbh - too confusing for him.

MerylStrop · 09/03/2013 21:24

Is there any chance that the opportunity might arise again in a couple of years?

Or is it now or never?

RaspberryRuffle · 09/03/2013 21:26

He'll be fine, especially with the support network you have. The visit at the weekend sounds good, if it's a 3 week course I'd suggest the second weekend when you have only a week left (or the halfway point if your work trip is tagged on).
LetsFaceTheMusic has some good tips. It's important that you try not to weep and wail saying goodbye as that will unsettle DS (and DH!) more. Grab the opportunity, especially if you're going to study the language later.

Bitofagirl · 09/03/2013 22:15

My dh had to do a 3 week trip when ds was 6 months and then a 4 week trip when he was 1. You have fantastic support, do it!!

Skype didn't exist back then, or FaceTime!

Original poster

StickEmWithThePointyEnd · 09/03/2013 22:39

These three weeks are very close to the beginning of my university course (OU so I can take my uni work with me anyway ) and as I haven't study since I did my AS level 6 years ago, I really want to jog my memory as fast as possible.

I think it would be easier to do it this year, while ds is so young as he won't be in school yet so I won't risk disrupting that at all and I'm also hoping that he may not even remember in the long term. I think it would be harder to do it in a few years when dh's studies and (hopefully) work commitments start to ramp up.

It's reassuring to hear of others who have been away for similar lengths of time. If I'm still unsure about it then I won't go on the work trip. I think it may be the concept of being away for a whole month that is scaring me!

OP posts:

LittleEdie · 09/03/2013 22:47

Go.

Jinsei · 09/03/2013 23:13

I've never left dd for that long but DH has and it has always been fine. If you really want to do it, go!

Which language is it?

extremepie · 10/03/2013 00:02

I recently left DC's aged 5&4 for 4 months (with their Dad) so I could get a job in another part of the country.

It was hard but ultimately it was worth it :)

GreenEggsAndNichts · 10/03/2013 01:11

Go :)

NightmareSpoon · 10/03/2013 01:31

Go. He will be fine with his dad. Loads of dads go away for work for long periods and their kids are fine. I don't see why it would be any different.

my2centsis · 10/03/2013 01:38

I personally wouldn't go as I wouldn't WANT to be away for my small child for that long. BUT if you feel confident as does your husband and a great support network then you should Definately go

ErikNorseman · 10/03/2013 10:39

I've been away from DS for that long 3 times now and he has been fine every time. I'm going to see him at 6pm today after almost 5 weeks apart and I'm very excited!

Flip