I feel a lot of anger to my mother atm. I have always known that my childhood was horrible and she treated me very badly, emotionally and physically. With counselling I am finally accepting how bad it was and how it has shaped me as an adult and it is hard. I have had to stop myself phoning her on many occasions and screaming at her 'do you realise what you did to me'. I have previously confronted her but she denies it. As an adult, we have been OK but only on her terms.
I have made excuses for her about how hard her life was etc but having my own teenage DD going through a tough time and being horrible at home and realising how much I show her I love her, when my mother only showed me hatred and I was quiet and subservient, that does not wash anymore. I have also had it massively harder than her in terms of loss, finances and lack of support but I have never blamed my DCs for us having a hard life, nor would I ever pick on one DC and turn their siblings against them like she did to me.
I previously felt a massive amount of love and protection towards my mum and would do anything for her but now I feel nothing but revulsion. I have not sent her anything for Mother's Day or her Birthday, both tomorrow, as I did not want to. I actually feel like I want to upset her 
so she can experience some of the horror and betrayal I felt as a child.
AIBU to feel awful that I did'nt send at least a card now that it's too late to do anything about it?