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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to accept this gift?

24 replies

NotMe2 · 09/03/2013 10:40

ds wants to invite the whole family to the restaurant for his dad's birthday. Which is a very very nice thing to do. And he really wants to do it. But....

ds is 9yo.
He would use all the money he has put aside for the last year or so.

So should I let him invite the whole family (DH, me and dc2) or should we say No?

OP posts:

ValenciaOrange · 09/03/2013 10:42

Could you afford to go if he didn't pay? I was thinking maybe you could let him pay for his dad and then you could pay for the rest of you. Oh and what a lovely son you have!

Bossybritches22 · 09/03/2013 10:45

What a sweetie. How about you say that he can buy the drinks and you will buy the meal so you "go halves" (evenif it isn't) Then have a quiet word with the staff & ask them to limit "his" bill to say £20 and quietly put the rest on your food bill?

That way he'll feel he has done his bit but it won't use all his savings.

Carrie37 · 09/03/2013 10:46

Maybe you could split the bill with him or up his pocket money so he isnt penniless for too long. I think I would let him. Last year Dd 7 wanted to give all her money to the charity Trocaire so I let her it was about £70 I explained the consequences and she still wanted to do it.

catgirl1976 · 09/03/2013 10:46

What a lovely boy :)

Could you arrange with the restaurant to give DS "the bill" but a fake one for a smaller amount so you pay the rest?

Original poster

NotMe2 · 09/03/2013 10:52

We have been to that restaurant before. A main course and a drink would costs about £50 in total (for all 4 of us) which is what he currently saving towards.

Trying to give him a 'smaller' bill whilst we pay the rest won't go unnoticed. I know he will be looking at the prices, doing the sums and we have already told him how much it roughly costed last time we went.

But we might be able to convince him to pay only DH part and we would pay the rest.

I suppose I am uncomfortable because for me, that pocket money is for him to bit and bobs that he likes, the sort of things I am not going to buy (eg some magazines, match attacks cards....) not for him to do such a big present for the whole family isywim.
I have to say, at his age, it would never have crossed my mind to do something like this.

OP posts:

Trills · 09/03/2013 10:53

Very sweet.

Can you let him buy DH's - as that's the "present" for the birthday, and then you pay the rest?

Grumpla · 09/03/2013 11:09

Awwww! What a sweetheart!

Could you create some opportunities for him to earn some of the money towards it? Eg extra jobs / chores, "babysitting" (he runs an activity for a baby / small child but you are hovering in the background?) that way it won't wipe out all of his savings.

But if he wants to do it I think you should let him. Make sure you take a camera so you can have photos taken!

catgirl1976 · 09/03/2013 11:16

I'm so touched by how sweet your DS is :)

It has given me a warm glow

Purple2012 · 09/03/2013 11:41

Let him do it, but like grumpla said give him the opportunity to earn some more money so he can have some extra to spend. It's a lovely thing he wants to do and he will feel so proud and grown up.

Also, at the restaurant ask the staff in advance to give him the bill and not you. He will feel so chuffed at that.

cheeseandchive · 09/03/2013 12:03

That is so touching, OP. What a lovely young man your son is.

I understand being unsure about letting him spend his money, but if he really wants to then I would let him. You could add 'value' to it by making a big fuss of the fact that he's treating you all, like mentioning it to the waiter/making sure the bill is given to him, like purple said.

bootsycollins · 09/03/2013 12:34

What a cutie! If he understands that his kind gesture might possibly take all of his savings and he understands and still wants to go ahead I'd let him, bless his cottons!.

That's made me feel all soppy now, what a lovely young chap you have

It's nice to be nice

monkeyfacegrace · 09/03/2013 12:41

Id be giving him jobs to earn money, so in effect you are paying but he doesnt see it that way

E.g. Hoover his bedroom, pay £5.
Fold and put away everyones clothes £5.
Empty dishwasher £3

That way he will rack up £20 or so from you quickly, meaning he doesnt lose out, and gets the pride of paying the whole bill.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/03/2013 13:32

A 9 year old

Bunbaker · 09/03/2013 13:36

How lovely. I assume the drinks will be non alcoholic, as it is illegal for a 9 year old to buy alcohol.

BrandiBroke · 09/03/2013 14:19

If he honestly understands how much it will cost, and he is saving specifically for this, then I would let him. It sounds like you would only upset and disappoint him if you stopped him. What a nice boy!

Fluffy1234 · 09/03/2013 14:30

I like the idea of him just paying for his dad's meal. So refreshing to hear of a truly generous person.

Floggingmolly · 09/03/2013 14:44

How lovely . Do what Bossybritches suggested; let him think he's covering the whole bill without clearing out his life savings completely.

Original poster

NotMe2 · 09/03/2013 15:05

Oh yes, drinks will be non alcoholic but that's a good point re him not being able to pay for those. I wouldn't have thought about it.

Also agree that he would be disappointed not to be able to do so. He decided to do that about 1.5 month ago and is still wanting to do it (and saving for DH b'day at the end of the month).
He knows what spending that money would mean. That's the sort of child who doesn't like spending, even he is playing on Binweevils!

OP posts:

MrsLouisTheroux · 09/03/2013 15:29

Love the idea! I agree that you could invent jobs for him and pay him well so that you are contributing!

MortifiedAdams · 09/03/2013 15:35

Ahh thats really sweet tell him you have to pay for the wine. Do they do a Happy Hour so itll be cheaper?

Earlybird · 09/03/2013 15:38

What if you let him take the family out (since he wants to do it - lovely!) and then give him birthday money in (approximately) the same amount he'll spend?

malteserzz · 09/03/2013 15:38

If he really wants to do it I'd let him , how lovely !

MrsLouisTheroux · 09/03/2013 15:39

Do you have tesco club card vouchers? £10 gets changed to £40 to eat out!

WafflyVersatile · 09/03/2013 15:47

Well that money is for him to spend as he chooses.

If you pay him a fiver to do a chore he'll want it every time!

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