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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To teach dd that the world doesn't revolve around her?

25 replies

Mosschops30 · 09/03/2013 09:16

She's 17, works on a Saturday and expects me and Dh to take and pick up.
Dh has taken ds1 to football this morning, I have worked all week and am doing an agency shift later for extra cash.
I told her last night that she would have to cycle in today.
She is now storming round the house saying that if we all died in a fire she wouldn't care
On top of this she won't put her clothes in the wash, this week I refuses to do it and left her stuff in a pile. Randomly washed her work hat which is now wet and she has been screaming and crying over that

So AIBU to let her cycle to work and stay in bed with ds2 because I am working 6 bloody days this week?
When I was her age I lived on my own, made my way to college and work every week

OP posts:

fairylightsinthesnow · 09/03/2013 09:19

YANBU but I'm sure you know that

MrsWooster · 09/03/2013 09:19

You are absolutely right. Stick to your duvet guns.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 09/03/2013 09:20

Stick to your guns, her teenaged stropping will pass eventually

sarahtigh · 09/03/2013 09:20

personally she does not deserve stuff washed because
a.) she could do her own and
b.) a 7 year old can put stuff in a laundry basket not in basket not washed simples

she was warned she needed to cycle but I think over time you have probably being facilitating the entitled attitude hence fireworks when the bank/ taxi firm of mum and dad stops working

coffeeismywine · 09/03/2013 09:20

YABU

It's not fair. Jane's mum would do it. You're so unfair. No one else's mum would expect them to cycle. It's not fair. Your're so unfair. No one understands and the world hates her.

and it's all your fault anyway.

Cherriesarelovely · 09/03/2013 09:22

no yanbu. It sounds as if you work bloody hard and have enough on your plate. In her defence I was a bit stroppy about stuff like that at her age. I always had jobs and paid my way etc but was a bit teenagey about stuff till I actually moved out.

livinginwonderland · 09/03/2013 09:26

yanbu, but if you've always taken her, i'm not totally surprised she's a bit stroppy - she's 17 and most 17 year olds get stroppy about that kind of thing. i worked sundays at that age and remember getting irritated because i couldn't get a lift into work one week because my dad was using our car.

let her strop, and leave her clothes unwashed. at 17, she's perfectly capable of doing laundry herself, and if she's not, i suggest you teach her sharpish!

Original poster

Mosschops30 · 09/03/2013 09:28

Phew I did feel really mean because she was crying, and I hold my hands up that we have done lots for her, but it's getting too much.
We both work full time, have 3 dcs, she wants to be taken places 3-4 times a week and it's too much

OP posts:

Flojobunny · 09/03/2013 09:30

YANBU but if you've always done her washing and given her lifts then you have only yourself to blame. It's time for some tough love.

Flojobunny · 09/03/2013 09:32

Feel mean because she was crying you clearly spoil her then.
I would have been furious that at 17 she was being such a selfish brat not felt mean. You need to get a grip on this, you DD doesn't sound very nice.

RobotHamster · 09/03/2013 09:34

Can she learn to drive herself?

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 09/03/2013 09:38

she cried because she needs to make her own way into work for once? sounds like she needs to grow up... a lot!!

HerLordship · 09/03/2013 09:38

She's screaming and crying? At 17?? Jeez, I'd be videoing her doing it, and then putting it on FB and tagging her so all her friends could see!

I agree with Flojo, she does sound like she has been spoilt, but it sounds like you are doing the right thing in trying to sort it now

coffeeismywine · 09/03/2013 09:39

I don't think she sounds "not very nice", I think she sounds 17

HerLordship · 09/03/2013 09:41

I didn't act like that at 17, I can't remember any of my friends doing that, and none of my neighbours' 16/17 year olds act like it either

By 17 a teenager should be past lots of the Kevin-style behaviour

livinginwonderland · 09/03/2013 09:42

You need to get a grip on this, you DD doesn't sound very nice.

she's seventeen having a teenage strop. she'll get over it in a couple of hours. i remember saying plenty of things like "you and dad don't care" when i was her age. i always got over it in a couple of hours. i'm a perfectly decent person, i was just a teenager with a lot of hormones who had probably been a bit spoilt by my parents. that doesn't make her not very nice

LingDiLong · 09/03/2013 09:42

YANBU! Sounds like this is well overdue.

Montybojangles · 09/03/2013 09:43

I had weekend jobs from the age of 14 and always had to cycle to them. Tell her to be grateful that she has got away with it for so long!!

Whoknowswhocares · 09/03/2013 09:47

You would be unreasonable NOT to teach it to her! Part of becoming an adult is doing things for yourself and to learn that she has to stand on her own 2 feet. To not cut off her never ending supply of 'favours' which she sees as her right is cruel becuse it gives her no preparation for her adult life

Yanbu

BoundandRebound · 09/03/2013 09:48

She's like that because you didn't start saying no when she was much much younger

I bet your other children will benefit from this mistake

Short sharp lesson for her though

Enjoy your bed

specialsubject · 09/03/2013 10:32

sounds like she has been spoilt for far too long. Time to change - better late than never.

Flojobunny · 09/03/2013 10:44

Not very nice - she wouldn't care if her parents died in a fire.

Teenagers have strops but to say this. Not nice at all and as her parents its time to stop feeling 'mean' and teach her to appreciate what she has.
Even my 4 yo gets told when she strops about wanting food, that their are children in Africa with nothing and to quit the dramatics.

livinginwonderland · 09/03/2013 10:47

Not very nice - she wouldn't care if her parents died in a fire.

she doesn't mean it. she's a teenager who is used to getting her own way and is saying whatever she can think of to get her own way again. she's trying to guilt trip because she's not used to being told no, which is a direct result of how her parents raised her.

Flojobunny · 09/03/2013 10:50

I know this, but by OP realising she has raised someone who isn't very nice, she might stop feeling mean and grow a back bone and deal with her.
If my DC said this I wouldn't feel mean, I'd be flippin livid.

seriouscakeeater · 09/03/2013 10:58

YANBU....lol my DD was like this when she started her first weekend job at 16. I wouldnt pick her up once as me and DH were getting ready to go out so she got a bloody taxi and expected us to pay for it! There is bus stop out side work to practically our front door!

They do grow out of it, you stay in bed and dont give in!

Flip