AIBU not to visit my father ? Ever again?

[mrsgregorypeck]

Parents divorced when I was 11. Since then have been to my father's house only once, last year. He is now in his eighties and I am mid-fifties. He finally explained that his wife hadn't wanted me to visit in case I had "caused trouble" and that she had been very upset and nervous before my (one ) visit. They are both very inflexible and make it clear that visitors upset their routine. My offers to take them out for dinner or for Sunday lunch were firmly turned down because that's " not what they do". Consequently my three day visit felt like an eternity. They live seven hours away by train. My father (astonishingly) said he hoped I would come down again this year but my heart sinks at the prospect. What would you do?

They are old, they have extended the olive branch, they haven't realistically got much time left in this world.

So unless there has been a monumental fall out, I'd suck it up - maybe stay in a hotel and make a week of it - but not necessarily tell them you were staying a week, and have a proper break, but not in their house

What 'trouble'?

So when did you see him when you were a child?

Jengnr: I have no idea what "trouble" she predicted. I think she perhaps felt guilt since she was the OW in my parents' marriage.

I hardly ever saw him after the divorce and only when my grandmother invited me if when she was expecting him to visit. He was always polite but distant on these occasions. I was never invited to visit.

Sounds like my dad. I don't talk to him now, it's no loss.
Why make someone a priority when they only make you an option?