So I'm prepared to get my face kicked off...how do I get rid of DM on Mother's DaY?

[Corygal]

I'm skint. No job paying at the mo. In the past month I have bought 2 godchildren bday presents and both my elderly parents expensive birthday presents, had them over for pricy lunch, etc.

Easter, when the gift bonanza begins again, is in under 2 weeks.

For Xmas and my birthday this year, I got nothing to unwrap. (Except a fine Jaeger silk shirt from Lalalonglegs).

Mother's Day is on Sunday. I just don't want to entertain my Mum. Neither parent has helped financially at all during this very rough patch - they did help my brother considerably when he was stuck.

I am sick to the back teeth of losing every penny I have on other people. How do I get out of it - kindly?

Just give her a card. There is no point telling her you are skint because she just doesn't care.

Just get her a card and explain that you're skint. Or make her something- then you can be justifiably upset if she is not fully appreciative of your efforts

Yes, go to Oxfam and buy a naff brooch then take it round, all wrapped up, and tell her proudly you made it specially for her at your jewelry making class!

You sound like a very generous person regarding buying people presents, perhaps it's time to stop.
A few years ago myself and dh told his sisters we couldn't afford to keep buying them&their ds presents so we all decided to stop.
If you can't afford to entertain her you can't do it.
Be truthful or you will never get it sorted out.

I second the D&V / norovirus suggestions for this weekend

In the longer term, I would also advise the backing down on present buying for after this. Having had a drop in family income we have had to do this and it feels bad if you like giving presents (assuming of course people appreciate them in return) but the best way is just to be honest and say to people that things are very tight and either you can't afford a present at all or it will have to be a very small one (most people then tell you, sincerely, there's no need).

Thanks all. Ummm, my dad's just rung up and invited themselves both over for Sun lunch.

I've stalled them temporarily. Tbh I'm also very tired, not at all well, and I sorely need some peace and quiet time.

How old are you? And how old is your mum?

I can't understand why so many women on mumsnet are so 'in awe' of their parents, surely you are all adults? Can't you just say to your Dad. 'I am not very well, I need some peace and quiet, let's get together another time' and put the phone down.

Agree with snazzy - you need to stop buying so many presents, you talk about the 'gift bonanza' at Easter, if you don't want to buy gifts, let people know you will not be exchanging gifts this year. I've never heard of gifts at Easter (well, only on Mumsnet ); I can understand giving a couple of £1 Easter Eggs, but nothing else.

You need to grow a backbone I think .

Not wishing to kick you Cory, but you are responsible for this. At some point you really do need to start saying no, otherwise they will continue to take the piss forever.

Bite the bullet, ring them up and say you cannot do Sunday - it would help you enormously if you came clean with them about how you feel. Someone sulking is really not the end of the world.

Sorry, how did they manage to invite themselves over? And how did you stall? Surely if its not convenient you can just say "That time isn't convenient for me, can we do another day? I know it's mothers day but it's a bit of a daft hallmark holiday isn't it!"

I know its hard standing up to parents who dominate but you need to do it.

Ragwort Fri 08-Mar-13 16:58:42
Agree with snazzy - you need to stop buying so many presents, you talk about the 'gift bonanza' at Easter, if you don't want to buy gifts, let people know you will not be exchanging gifts this year. I've never heard of gifts at Easter (well, only on Mumsnet ); I can understand giving a couple of £1 Easter Eggs, but nothing else

Agree with the above. You said you've bought expensive presents for your parents and a pricey lunch.

Why are you making yourself broke buying presents for people?

Or just say "Sorry, I'm not well, lets do another day, OK?" To which I know my Dad would reply "But it's mother's day, and Stepmum will be SO disappointed not to see you/get a card/gift whatever". I'd have to reply sort of as I suggested above, with "I show her I love her all the time, I can get a card as lip service if you like?". I KNOW I'd be met with strops and sulks but they do get over them, honest!

Call your dad first thing, you have been throwing up all night and not left the toilet. Cancel.

At Easter, do you mean you have another round of birthdays afterwards/at that time of year (I have a load from end of March to start of May, it does seem to be in some families birthdays seem grouped) or you buy a lot of gifts at easter? If the latter, this year, buttons eggs for a pound each for everyone. Anyone who complains, say "yes, I've got no money, finding the cash for that was hard. I thought you'd be upset if you thought I was getting myself in debt in order to buy you gifts." no one who can still complain at that is worth spending time with, even if they are a blood relation.

I'd just send a card and phone her on the day and get on with other stuff. My kids frequently forget mothers day. It often sounds as though the more obsessed a mother is about having a perfect mothers day the crapper a mother she is because it all sounds a bit self obsessed and good parenting isn't about that.

Gift bonanza? At Easter? Surely it's an egg at most. Tesco do them 2 for £5, which is what the dc are gettng. I certainly don't do gifts at easter - in fact i don't do gifts for adults at all, not christmas,not birthdays, not any other time. I can't affordit and most of the time the gift would be something the giftee can easily get for themselves.

Man up and tell your parents that you could do lunch but it'll be shepherds pie (or other mince dish) and apple crumble. And no gifts at easter, bar a card.

If you have made an effort for their birthdays only recently, ring back explain you aren't well, times are tight, you treated them to lunch pretty recently so instead they are welcome to come round for a cup of tea/coffee and cake mid-afternoon.

What happened ?

I had them round! They bought the food! The TV was broken (thank you, Universe) and so they stumped off again after a couple of hours. Job done, phew... and thank you all for your support.

I presented DM with nice presents, which I got as bargains, another relief.