to think it's bloody rude to send your DC to a birthday party with NO card or present for the birthday child?

[ScaredyKnickers]

This has happened a few times now with different parties for my DC where one or two of the invitees have turned without even a card. On one occasion, the parent had not even replied, DC just turned up empty handed. These parents have never struck me as struggling for money and card can cost only 50p anyway. I would never send my DCs to a birthday celebration without a card and a present. Smacks of 'can't be bothered' to me and complete arrogance.

AIBU?

[lynniep]

I find it a bit rude too actually especially if its in conjunction with no response to the invite.
One child turned up to DS1s party with 'just' a homemade card. I'm making sure that is mentioned in his thank you letters specifically because she'd done such a beautiful job. No need for presents.

[mollymole]

To not reply to the invite and then still send the child is rude. You should not
EXPECT cards and gifts -

[DoTheStrand]

YABU, most children have tons of stuff already and it won't hurt not to get even more. Unless the birthday child comes from a tiny family and is unlikely to get any other presents I don't really see it's an issue. And no the parent shouldn't have to explain, as one poster suggested - how humiliating could that be?

I am sure some parents are disorganised or tightfisted (that is after all often how well off people remain well off ), but you never know how much money people have, even close friends. There have been times we have been absolutely skint (divorce, redundancy, maintenance etc) but I know everyone around us thought we were loaded. Also there will be occasions where invitations get lost until the last minute, or someone other than the parents is looking after them. I remember when DSS1 and 2 were small, we lived in the middle of nowhere (think 12 mile round trip to the shop). Party got sprung on us on DH's weekend, v last minute and at that stage neither of us had even thought about having a stash of cards and gifts for this kind of eventuality. I'm not sure if the birthday child got anything from us that day.

For DS2's birthday party recently we stipulated no presents as we have so much stuff already. Different to the OP's scenario as he was only 1 but it worked v well and I have wondered about doing it for DS1 later this year. We found that lots of people still bring something but it makes it more acceptable in their eyes to bring a small token present eg sweets (and DS1 still has no idea about the cost or value of things).

I get much more angry about people not replying to invitations.

[BarbarianMum]

Well, for example, my broadband comes in a package with my phone line rental and the cost of calls. My computer is 9 years old and worth £0.

So if I got rid of my broadband I would save about £5 month. Couldn't even sell computer for scrap. On the other hand I would have cost myself over £20 - instead of searching for and applying for jobs on line I'd have to buy papers, subscribe to specialist magazines where jobs are advertised of cough up ££ for the bus fair to the library or job centre where I could get online for free.

So in order to break even at all I'd have to get rid of landline and phone too - just use my PAYG mobile. And I'd be better off by the princely sum of about £4 a month which would still not feed my kids or cover petrol costs. Although it would buy a small birthday gift and card for a child.

[trixymalixy]

I hate bought cards too and would be a bit relieved at one less present. If its a genuine case of really not having the money then I'd hate for someone to be using their last pennies to buy something.

[Wallison]

You pay £4 a monh for internet, phone line and calls? That sounds like a pretty good deal.

I know plenty of people who don't have a computer or broadband or Sky. That's because they can't afford it.

[trixymalixy]

One of DS's classmates brought a lovely homemade card that made me smile for DS, it had cut out photos of him on it. I much prefer homemade cards.

[MuddlingMackem]

pigletmania Fri 08-Mar-13 12:33:39

My dad had a good job and owned their own house so were not poor

[Lucyellensmum95]

barbarianmum please don't justify yourself to someone who clearly lives in cloud cuckoo land and is deliberately misreading your posts.

Williamson - you blether on about manners but then you don't have the manners to keep personal comments to yourself about someone;s circumstances.

[Sugarice]

Wallison you're posting in a goady manner and it's not relevant to the OP.

[Lucyellensmum95]

Another point of view is - as the parent of the birthday girl, i would often prefer LESS presents thankyou very much. HAve done whole class parties in the first few years of school and thankfully now its winding down as DD is 8 next birthday. I just remember cringingly inwardly with all the gifts tatt that DD received. Yes, its all very nice etc but there are only so many colouring sets you can have.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Can't be bothered to read the thread so shoot me. DD1 has just had her birthday party. We invited children that she wanted to play with, we didn't rate them in order of wealth or judge their presents on the door. The only reason I have a list of what everyone brought was in order to do thank you letters. Otherwise I couldn't give a shiny shite if every child came empty handed. That isn't the object of the exercise.

[Wallison]

[shrug] If someone doesn't want their personal circumstances to be commented on, they could always try not putting them on a public forum. I don't see what is 'cloud cuckoo land' about saying that someone who can afford a phone/telly/broadband package is either a) not poor; or b) not prioritising properly if they really can't afford to feed their kids. Most of these packages work out at around £30 a month, minimum. They aren't cheap and neither are they a necessity.

[lottieandmia]

Internet is not a luxury - children need internet access to do their homework. I use mine for all my banking and shopping (everything is cheaper on Amazon for example)

[Wallison]

There are plenty of children who manage to do their homework without access to the internet. There are plenty of people who look for jobs without access to the internet. And I would bet you any money you like that your savings by shopping on Amazon do not equate to £30 a month.

[mummabug]

Hello? phone/telly/broadband is plenty necessary to many people. Keeping in contact with friends and family to avoid debilitating feelings of isolation for some single mothers, broadband again for communication, job hunting, generally being in the world? The amount of things you can 'only do online' these days, it is a necessity. And people that have these packages can definitely be poor, but being connected to the world is up there in their list of priorities. Christ some people are ignorant.

[VictorTango]

I really couldn't give a shit who what child turns up with which piece of tat.

I want my dc to have a fun party with friends.

How grabby are you OP?

[dashoflime]

Turning up without a present= not rude

Turning up without RSVP= rude

[Wallison]

If I had to choose between feeding my kids and pissing around on mumsnet, I know what I would do.

[Sallystyle]

This is one of the reasons I don't like children's parties.

I hate how so many people think it is expected to bring a gift. I personally would at least get my child to make a card but it is not U to not bring a gift.

I thought parties were for fun, not for the child to get more presents.

[Hullygully]

I would think it odd if a child turned up without even a card, simply because it is so not the done thing (yet).

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

the birthday child will just be pleased they had a nice party with playmates who "bothered" to come along.

the party presents get too much IMO, I'ld love to say "no presents" on invites but according to MN that would be a massive faux pas!

• its only parents who care either way, not the kids! they just enjoy the celebrations!!

[Sugarice]

Wallison

If I had to choose between feeding my kids and pissing around on mumsnet, I know what I would do.

what's this got to do with the thread?

[Wallison]

Sorry, Sugarice and OP - didn't mean to derail. Just got a bit of a bee in my bonnet at people spending money on luxuries while their kids go hungry.

[lottieandmia]

Wallison - your approach is black and white. There are very, very few homes who do not have internet these days. My dd gets homework which specifically tells her to google things most nights.

But what is your point? The someone should not have internet and buy a birthday present instead?