to think it's bloody rude to send your DC to a birthday party with NO card or present for the birthday child?

[ScaredyKnickers]

This has happened a few times now with different parties for my DC where one or two of the invitees have turned without even a card. On one occasion, the parent had not even replied, DC just turned up empty handed. These parents have never struck me as struggling for money and card can cost only 50p anyway. I would never send my DCs to a birthday celebration without a card and a present. Smacks of 'can't be bothered' to me and complete arrogance.

AIBU?

[Floggingmolly]

I think we're all in agreement that we don't give a toss whether our kids get more plastic crap at their parties or not. It doesn't stop it being odd.

[Tailtwister]

Tbh, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. Lots of people are struggling atm, whether they appear to be or not. They might actually not have had any spare cash at all, but thought it was better for their child to attend the party than not. After all, you invite a child because you actually want them there rather than the present they bring, right?

[Tailtwister]

Also, remember the economic climate we're living in. Even those in high paying jobs aren't immune and savings don't last forever. People get made redundant at the drop of a hat nowadays and it's not something you shout from the rooftops when it happens.

[TheNoodlesIncident]

It is a strange thing. I wouldn't send DS to a party without a card and a present, as it is presumably a child's birthday - but then when it's his turn to have a party I really genuinely don't care if an attendee doesn't bring a present/card.

I'd just be relieved pleased that they wanted to come to his party. And hopefully they would be pleased at being asked. (And fwiw I'd love it if a child brought a home-made card, because I'd find it cute. No idea what DS would think, but probably "how nice" rather than a 5 yo version of "WTF?")

Presents for DS are really very very low down our list of priorities, but I still would have to get something for another child's party. I couldn't not.

[KitchenandJumble]

YABU. You may not know the home circumstances of every child. Perhaps the parents can't afford a present or a card. Perhaps life has been extremely stressful (illness of the parents or another family member, unemployment, impending divorce, etc.). You never know. Of course, it's easier and perhaps more self-satisfying just to sit back and judge other people as rude or not living up to your standards.

[KitchenandJumble]

Sorry, my post was a bit garbled. I meant that stressful circumstances in the family may mean that the parents found it difficult to organise a present or even a homemade card. Maybe it was all they could manage to get their child to the party in the first place.

[Lucyellensmum95]

WHo the fuck has said anything about peoples children going hungry? Sorry Wallison but this thread isn't your soap box. STop hijacking the thread and do one, theres a dear

[Wallison]

^^WHo the fuck has said anything about peoples children going hungry?

StoicButStressed did. I was responding to her/him. I thought I had made that clear by quoting them, but obviously not.

[lottieandmia]

The tories have brainwashed everyone. Poor people are NOT allowed to have anything other than bread and water. Didn't you know?

[INeverSaidThat]

I think it is a bit odd a a bit cheeky. You don't even have to spend 50p as a child drawn card would be perfectly ok.

I think it does smack of 'can't be arsed' but it wouldn't stop me from inviting a non-present giving child in future. I don't think the DC's would care if they didn't receive a present from everyone.

My DCs have been given homemade and second hand things before which have shown thought.

So YANBU but it's not a biggie.

[mummabug]

To actually take the time to write a bitter post in AIBU shows how much OP does think of it as a biggie. And that is what I find so amazing.

[FrankWippery]

If I had to choose between feeding my kids and pissing around on mumsnet, I know what I would do.

It's a nobrainer, the kids would have to scavenge.

[Wallison]

FrankWippery.

[meddie]

Its rude to turn up without indicating you would be going but as for the card and present, you have no idea of that womens financial circumstances.

Its extremely embarrassing to not have the money for a present or card, and humiliating to have to explain that. I know I would never have been able to admit that, instead we refused a lot of parties, because it was just unaffordable at the time (recently divorced).

[Umlauf]

Cards are pricey. I make all mine, recycling bits from ones I've been given. Costs nothing. Even a lovely child's picture on folded paper. Yanbu about this.

Present on the other hand Yabu. For reasons mentioned already.

Not responding, very rude.

[BabyRoger]

I wouldn't be bothered if someone came to one of my DC's parties without a present. TBH, I probably wouldn;t notice at the time. If there was no card, I might possibly think that was slightly rude.

In saying that, I would never send DD or DS without a card and present to a party. It does seem pretty standard to attend a birthday party with a card/present.

[MechanicalTheatre]

No it's not rude. The parents could be skint, have mental health problems, have had a death in the family, be working all hours of the day, have a child with a severe disability or anything else.

You just do not know the circumstances others families are in.

Cards are pointless. I hate them. I don't want them cluttering up my house and I don't want to buy them for people. "Happy Birthday, here's a card that says exactly the same thing except it cost me £3. Put it on your mantlepiece for a few days, then throw it in the bin! Hurrah!" What is the point exactly?

[BeCool]

YABU - I invite DD's friends on her behalf. Yes she loves presents, but EVERYONE knows the most important things about parties is party bags and NOT presents.

Would your DC want their friends to not come to the party because their parent didn't sort out a present? Or a card?

And yes kids can make cards but how many do off their own back?? If they do great. If not should they then not come?

Cards are actually expensive landfill. And where oh where are these magical 50p cards cause I've never seen one? I guess I'd have to buy them in bulk, in advance and keep them stashed to drag out a cheap crappy card out should I need one at the last minute!!

We often make cards for people (Not because of money but because we can and its nice) but sometimes we just don't have the time. If I can't get to buying a card should DD then not go the the party?

OP you do sound as if you invite people to parties for presents. Why not focus on inviting your DC's friends for a party!! I'm sure you'll feel alot happier about things.

[BeCool]

I work FT and there are no children's shops around me - I find it bloody hard work to find presents sometimes. Frankly if it can't be ordered in advance off Amazon it's not happening!

[BeCool]

" I remember distinctly some frosty mothers pursing their lips at me because they thought the presents were not up to scratch."

You see this ^^ is just fucking horrible. Yes I'm sure GetOrf "survived", but this memory remains with her well into adulthood.

Hope your DC's friends don't catch you sucking teeth and doing the judgy face at them OP!

[Mintberry]

I agree that even if you're skint you can draw a card, some kids do that anyway.

But some people just don't care or see the point about cards, IME. My DP is like this. It isn't personal, and if they really couldn't be bothered they wouldn't show up.

[carabos]

dashoflime my sentiments exactly. Failing to RSVP is rude, failing to bring card/present isn't.

[BeCool]

everlong really? Why should your child miss out on a party just because you were skint? I find that a sad and strange attitude - pride before DC's fun and friends

Just so as you know your DC would be welcome at our parties card or no card.

[pigletmania]

No muddling. I asked my mum and she said mortgage was already paid, had not thought to give a present and now she felt it was very about it. She comes from Cyprus and in her time they did not do kids parties how tey do now