to think it's bloody rude to send your DC to a birthday party with NO card or present for the birthday child?

[ScaredyKnickers]

This has happened a few times now with different parties for my DC where one or two of the invitees have turned without even a card. On one occasion, the parent had not even replied, DC just turned up empty handed. These parents have never struck me as struggling for money and card can cost only 50p anyway. I would never send my DCs to a birthday celebration without a card and a present. Smacks of 'can't be bothered' to me and complete arrogance.

AIBU?

[Whydobabiescry]

YANBU IMO when you go to a party it is traditional to wish the birthday child a happy birthday with at least a card. Its up to you whether you send a card and pressie or just a card is up to you but it's bad manners not to give something.

[hamdangle]

Yes, you should turn up with a box or malteasers and a homemade card so that everyone can know what a pov you are and they can give you that head tilt and feel good about how they're giving your kid a lovely day out. Have you ever thought that maybe not bringing anything is a way of looking like you've forgotten so it doesn't draw attention to the fact you have no money.

This is the sort of thing I would have done with DS1. Not just because I was skint, which I was, but also because I was run ragged working 30 hours a week in a bar whilst studying full time, writing essays at 5am and raising a kid on my own. I practically didn't know what day of the week it was and might turn up to a party empty handed. None of my friends would have cared, or even noted this fact. And I wouldn't have cared about any parents who did.

A (now ex) friend of mine had a party for he DD and when she opened the presents (herself not DD!) one mother had given three boxes of cake mix obviously taken out of her cupboard. (Ex) friend found it hilarious and showed everyone. She was obviously a twat but there are some parents who would scoff at a handmade card and chocolate bar.

Did your child even notice, or care, that they didn't have a card? I don't think mine even read the ones he did get at that age.

[CloudsAndTrees]

Children don't really want pictures drawn by other people, but they do love being given a drawing that has been made by their friends. I work with young children, they are forever making things or doing pictures for each other. It's nice, and it's their little child like way of showing each other that they are friends.

And children do like to see the windowsill or shelf all full up with cards after they've had a party or a birthday, so actually, it does make a difference whether they have been given a picture/card or not.

[CloudsAndTrees]

Hamdangle, it doesn't look like you have forgotten when you can remember to actually take your child to the party on time at the right place. It looks rude.

[thezebrawearspurple]

I'd rather have everyone turn up with few presents rather than have children stay away because they have nothing to give. I don't remember any of the presents kids brought to my parties but I remember the parties and the fun we had. That's the experience that's important to your child.

[Thumbwitch]

I think re card, YANB that U. Even if it's a hand-drawn one, it's the thought that counts there.
Re. present - YABU.

[ScaredyKnickers]

Ok then. It seems IABU! Must be projecting my standards onto others!

One recent situation that sticks out was when we had a lunchtime party in a bowling alley. Child arrived without a card/present and was quite quiet and down unusually and it was hard work trying to get her to join in. Her parents were sat in the bar drinking while the party went on so obviously had some cash to spare! I would never say anything to the child or make them feel bad about it but I think she did and I thought the parents had a bloody cheek!

Also recently had a small party where we provided an evening meal, cinema trip and did all pick ups and drop offs. 2 DC turned up with nothing (one we did not know was coming). I just found it breath taking rudeness and yes, probably a bit jealous of the parents gall.

We are not talking young DC here but between 8 and 10 year olds so they are aware. It's not their fault at all but it seems their parents can't be bothered and these are generally 'comfortable' families as well.

[GetOrf]

That said I wouldn't have dreamed of sending dd to a party without a gift. I would assume that it would be noticed and commented upon. So even when on the bones of my arse and eating admiral pies because they were a quid I would buy something for a fiver or so. Which is mad really.

[schoolchauffeur]

In my experience, kids not interested in the cards at all. Aged under about 7 or 8 had to practically forced to open them and look at them so waste of money. Have had parties where several children came without gifts and some where I wouldn't know as we had a table by the door where people left presents. Doesn't bother me in the least - the kids were invited to have a party. What's more important to me is that the kids have a nice time. For the last two kids parties we had ( aged about 8-9) we did a sort of unofficial "don't worry about gifts" which worked well as her real best/close friends still gave gifts and the rest of the girls who were classmates either came with nothing or very small tokens which was fine.

[Fakebook]

Can't say it would bother me. People may have difficulties that you dony know about. You don't have parties to gain presents, it's for getting together and having fun.

On another topic though, going to someone's house empty handed is rude IMO. If you've been invited around, it's always nice to take some flowers or chocolates.

[MarshaBrady]

Friends have turned up and said sorry I didn't have time to get a present, I have done the same. Doesn't bother me, so much stuff floating around already, so many new gifts for dc they don't even realise.

[KurriKurri]

I'm not sure - I would always give a present of some sort, but on the other hand you invite people to a party, they have made the effort to come and thus you have party guests (and a party with no or very few guests is more upsetting IMO for a child than lack of presents), so they have fulfilled their obligation. I don't think it would bother me particularly, but I would always personally take a gift.

What is more offensive is what happened when DS (aged about 13) went to the party of girl in his class at the village hall. Birthday girl stood in the doorway, took presents of people, opened them and if she wasn't impressed told them they couldn't come in - little baggage.

[midastouch]

I always send DC with card and a gift (size depends on whose birthday it is) but i wouldnt expect presents for my DCs thats not what a party is for, i would however think its polite to give a birthday card, they're not expensive!

[hamdangle]

Yes, Clouds, but maybe that person thought the OP wouldn't notice if they didn't bring anything but if they brought a chocolate bar and homemade card then it might just draw attention to their situation. If mum in my post had not brought boxes of cake mix no one would have noticed the missing present but as she did my twatty friend made fun of her.

Maybe the people in OP's post were just rude or arrogant or maybe they just forgot because they were in a rush but who cares and why would you even notice? I think people care so much about doing what is right or polite and forget about real people.

[lottieandmia]

I think YABU because personally, we invite people to parties because we want them to come. If a child came without a card or present I would not be at all bothered.

[Snazzynewyear]

KurriKurri That is breathtakingly rude of the girl! There are expectations on both sides and the expectation of the birthday girl or boy is that they are gracious about the gifts they get - anything less is unspeakably rude on their part. I can't believe her parents allowed that!

[lottieandmia]

I thought the whole point of parties is for the birthday child to have a good time and to reinforce friendships?

If presents are so important you may as well buy more instead of paying for the party imo.

[Sparklingbrook]

So are parties all about the presents? I know at least one Mum who invited the whole class as in her words 'think of all the presents'.

[KurriKurri]

Snazzy - because they were teenagers, I think the parents were not that much in evidence, (plus they were under the impression that their DD was perfect in every way ) and DS went on his own and only told me about when he got back.
It was rather typical behaviour from this particular girl, if I had been there I would have told her what I thought (and embarrassed DS so much he would never speak to me again )

[ohforfoxsake]

Yes it's rude.

If would not dream of turning up empty handed. DCs would make a card, or at the very least make a picture. Or not go.

I would say to you I'm skint (I have no pride ) but would love to give your DC a gift. I enjoy gift giving and that's the message I want to get across to my children. It's a privilege to be invited, and we should take a token of our appreciation.

I find the 'you are grabby' responses odd.

[Lucyellensmum95]

YABU - do you invite the children to get cheap tat presents or so your DS can have fun with his frieds.

Sometiems if we are really hard up i end up having to buy total crap presents - i am sure they would rahther have nothing tbh

[Sparklingbrook]

I agree it's odd. But not the end of the world and there's not much you can do. Apart from maybe put 'don't forget to bring a present' on the invitation.

[Alligatorpie]

I think it is rude. YANBU

[BarbarianMum]

Well we invite children to parties cause my kids like them and want some company celebrating their birthdays. I would be very sad if some didn't turn up because they couldn't afford a present and their mum didn't fancy explaining their family finances to me at length.