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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not relaly an aibu more what should she do? dd two invites on same day

23 replies

youfhearted · 07/03/2013 19:49

birthday party, in a few months' time, friend been tlaking about for ages

and on the same evening tickets to a concert, a birthday celebration with anotehr friend, the other friend reckons she has no other friends apart from dd

OP posts:
Original poster
youfhearted · 07/03/2013 19:49

initailly i said, oh you must go to birthday party but then i thought, wait a mo, a concert is quite a big deal, and it is a big band.

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 07/03/2013 19:50

Which came first? Or is it possible to do both?

livinginwonderland · 07/03/2013 19:52

i would say go to the concert, as presumably the ticket has been paid for, and the party presumably has plenty of other guests aside from DD.

Original poster
youfhearted · 07/03/2013 19:52

the birthday party she has been nagged told to keep free for a long time, and not possible to do both, concert is 2+ hours away

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 07/03/2013 20:01

Sorry, the birthday party invite came first, but very difficult.

HollyBerryBush · 07/03/2013 20:03

How old are the children involved?

Original poster
youfhearted · 07/03/2013 20:06

they will be 16

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 07/03/2013 20:10

Has she already said that she would go to the party?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 07/03/2013 20:11

Altough re reading your OP party girl doesn't sound particularly nice with that comment.

Imnotaslimjim · 07/03/2013 20:14

I'd take the concert, even if she had been asked "to keep it free" anyone can have a party, a concert is a big deal

INeverSaidThat · 07/03/2013 20:26

Ohh, that is really awkward.

What does your DD think?

She should go to the party.

INeverSaidThat · 07/03/2013 20:28

Sorry didn't finish.... Blush

I meant to say, she should go to the party but there could be lots of kids at it and she could not be missed. It really depends. Could you arrange something extra special for you DD to bribe do with party girl instead of going to the party?

MarianForrester · 07/03/2013 20:29

If she's accepted first invitation must honour that.

CocacolaMum · 07/03/2013 20:46

Tell her to go to the concert and be honest with party girl. At least this way party girl isn't wasting her time with people who don't want to be a good friend to her. 15 or not, it really doesn't sounds very nice at all..

HildaOgden · 07/03/2013 20:52

Agree she should honour the first invitation she accepted (the party).

Dumping that friend on her long-awaited birthday because a more exciting offer came along would be a pretty shitty thing to do,in my book.

CloudsAndTrees · 07/03/2013 21:00

Are the to friends all friends with ech other? Which one is the closest most genuine friend? Is the party friend a good friend, or is it just that she's throwing a big party and 'everyone' is going? Did concert friend ask if your dd would be free that night before she booked the tickets? Which dies your dd actually want o do the most?

Sorry OP, I need more details!

Jenny70 · 07/03/2013 21:11

Unfortunately, I think I'd be pushing the party angle - she's been asked to keep it free and obviously didn't realise when concert idea came up, but to turn down the party for the concert smacks of "I've had a better offer".

If party girl was happy to change date/do seperate celebration with your DD then that would be different. Party girl has been clear that her celebration depends on DD being there and arranged a date to suit... your DD should honour that commitment.

It's a PIA when two things clash, but switching to the best offer (even if some time before) is a slippery slope to becoming very self entitled, in my opinion.

Original poster
youfhearted · 07/03/2013 22:18

yes, i agree the date of the concert should have been checked first, and I believe she is equally friends with both. but the concert girl has no other friends.
hmm, i definately agree the party should be stuck to - otoh a concert is a big deal, i told herearlier several mnetters suggested the concert, and she is now wavering towards the party!
as the party is obviously the right thing to do.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 07/03/2013 22:20

At 16 it's up top your daughter to make her own arrangements and make her own apologies/excuses.

CocacolaMum · 07/03/2013 22:28

if shes got NO other friends then hows she having a party?

Picturesinthefirelight · 07/03/2013 22:31

Did she actually accept the party invite. It's not always possible to keep a date free for a long time.

If she accepted then yes it should be the party - if not the concert.

annh · 07/03/2013 22:34

Youfhearted, if the girl going to the concert has no other friends it would have been wise to check with her ONE friend (your dd) before buying tix. To be honest, at 16 I think you can advise your daughter on what you would do but ultimately the decision is hers as she is the one who will have to deal with any fall-out afterwards.

Floggingmolly · 08/03/2013 10:37

If they're all friends with each other, why are the two birthday girls organising different parties on the same day?

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