to feel worried

[missmarplestmarymead]

We used to have quite a bit of cash which for one reason or another we don't have anymore. We are trying to sell our mortgage free house for oiro 550,000, so that we can buy one for about 300,000 and keep the rest. We have a net income of 1,800, reserve of £12,000.Once all bills, except food have been paid, we have disposable income of about £750 a mth. No children.

I am waking up in a cold sweat many nights worrying that we will never sell the house and worrying if something goes wrong and we can't pay for replacement. I am constantly moaning to my dh about these worries and I can see that it is getting him down but I just can't help myself. I want to stop feeling so wretched but it is on my mind all the time even when I'm pretending it isn't.

Will you have to change your lifestyle? Are you worried about that?

I hope we are lucky too pigsmummy.

i have worked it out in my head (over and over until I'm fed up with it but can't leave it alone) and think we should be able to go for about three years, a bit less but then we will be at the wire with no safety net and i've been used to a safety net. All this whining because I have to join the real world. I must sound very stupid and selfish and i'm very glad that no one has felt the need to state that obvious fact. I am very glad that I plucked up the courage to post.

No, LucyEllensMum, I wouldn't like to be in the situation you describe and I wish you all the very very very best.

I don't think you sound stupid or self

I'm going to say your worries are not without foundation. I know it sounds a lot of money but the way you are living (I'd I read it correctly) you will drain it fast. Im guessing you have already drained a bulk of savings, income to match is drying up and you have lost faith in dp who manages it? I may be way off the mark.

You are being monumentally stupid to sell off an asset to free up £200k that will be used to supplement your income for 3 years and probably can't be replaced, and certainly isn't working for you.

Your household income providing disposable of £750 pcm (I assume you mean after bills? ) should be more than enough to live comfortably on. There is no need to dip into savings above and beyond that, you need to look at and cut your spending.

You are on the older end of the job scale (sorry) so need to be saving for retirement. It can be difficult adjusting your spend too a less wealthy lifestyle, more difficult than people who have always had to budget can know (obviously I realise never having money is far harder) but it can be done (been there)so I you make a start and then your anxiety may be more controlled.

I don't think you sound stupid or selfish at all op. You've got your safety net money and it's scary to break into it. I guess you've just got to try to remember that you saved it up to use in a situation like this.

Also if you do free up the £200k ffs invest it in something that will increase your monthly income eg rental property so rather than just taking from it to live on!

Sorry OP i didn't mean for my post to sound churlish. I suffer from terrible anxiety and at the moment THAT is my worry. Its a genuinely worrying situation but my anxiety magnifies it. If i idnt have this to worry about, id find something else!

Do you work? Could you get some voluntary work - keep your mind busy? I find that being busy helps me keep the anxiety at bay.

Your problem does seem like a non problem to me (just being honest) but i know how awful anxiety is so certainly woudlnt want to dismiss it. Anxiety is a physical thing and once you have it, its difficult to shift. I think it might help for you to see your doctor. I wonder if you struggle to get perspective and live in a world of what ifs? CBT might help you with this?

I'm struggling to see what could need replacing that costs more than £12,000. Then again my income/assets nowhere near match yours so I can't really get the appropriate perspective.

I second talking to your GP and maybe health in mind. You'll be alright

I'm a bit older than you, Miss Marple and I'm wondering if your anxiety is a symptom of the menopause. I take phyto soya and good multi vitamins.
Anxiety can deplete your health, so you could do with doing something about it.
Could you buy another house to rent out with the £200k?
Is your husband a handyman. Sorry, that is a bit sexist - you might be the expert with a Black and Decker!
If you bought a Buy-to-Let it would be useful if you could maintain yourselves.
You would then have a monthly income and still have your capital (presuming house prices don't fall further).

No, the 200,000 will last us a long time if the house sells and we ever get it (it is on a t a reasonably realistic price) I put it badly but I meant the 12,000 will last us about three years if we use it to supplement our income. Because it is in my head all the time, I expect everyine else to automatically know what I mean!

Thank you for your understanding remarks.

I am still wondering how you need to supplement your income based on no mortgage and normal outgoings unless you have large debts to service.

Perhaps rather than worry about selling you could look at where you can cut your expenditure so that you are not eating into your capital. If £12k will last you 3 years then you need to cut £350 a month from your outgoings. But even cutting £100 a month will make it last a further....9 months or so. If your disposable income after bills is £750 with no kids at home then I really am struggling to see how you cant cut atleast £200.

Oh ok that's slightly better, though I still think you could manage within the £750.

What do you need to free the £200k for? Iunderstand downsizing for reduction in bills or an easier place to maintain but it doesn't sound like that's your plan. I just think there may be a very valid reason you are anxious rather than thinking its medical?

I thinkm I do live in a world of "whatn ifs" that is a good way of putting it. What if the oven breaks? What if the freezer breaks? I bore myself. My husband is not a handy man at all. I have to praise him if he replaces a light bulb, although he is kind and loving even though I wear him down. I hadn't thought of the menopause or even that the doctor might be an option but as so many people have suggested it, it can't be an outrageous thing to do.

Sorry, still on the £12k thing! You are over spending by approximately £330 a month, where is that going?

Is your issue perhaps that you are not used to budgeting and are spending like you did before money was an issue? Do you meal plan? Buy brands or own brands? Do you have a clothing/socialising/personal spending money allowance for each of you?

You need to write down what you HAVE to pay, and divide what is left between the two of you for your personal needs and then spend it according to what you want. If you can either afford gym membership or new clothes then you need to choose. DOnt just go for both and then dip into your savings.

Further to the anxiety thing, are you the "coper" in your marriage? If you are and feel that you are struggling to cope for whatever reason (we all do from time to time) then it can make everything worse because you feel you can't rely on your DH. But could you actually rely on him? Are you perhaps assuming that because you have always done the financials that he can't and are reluctant to give up the reins in case he makes a mistake?

Would you say you are a 'glass half empty' person? It's sensible to try and plan ahead but you can't foresee everything. Try writing things down, or getting it on pc, perhaps setting things out will reassure you. 54 isn't old these days. Do you worry money will slip through your fingers? Did your parents struggle financially? Perhaps you fear history repeating itself.

Change is scary. But this could be a big opportunity to start a new chapter.

The bills are large in this house and even paying a fortune for electicity and oil, it is never warm, so we do need to have a cheaper place to run. I would feel happy with a cheaper house and some money in the bank but i have to stop fretting because sometimes I do think that i will make myself ill-it can't be normal to have the same futile thoughts whizzing about in my head. You have all been very calming and kind, even though i do know, in some part of my brain, that other people have larger problems to contend with. i am going to read all this through many times because it is good to have sensible and kind comments to reflect upon.
I would like to say though that if other people are reading this who can't pay the mortgage or food, I apologise for making what must seem a lesser complaint but I had to speak my worry somewhere. This has been a safe haven and it is much appreciated.

And thank you for the practical tips too.

If you are having difficulties selling the house and want to live somewhere smaller, could you rent out the big house, using the rent to pay the mortgage on a smaller property? and maybe generate some income? Would it be an easy property to rent?

yes, there are people with far bigger problems than yours (and mine!) but that doesn't mean that your problem isn't valid!

That is a very generous thing for you to say to me Lucyellensmum in the light of what you are contending with. Thank you very much and I sincerely hope that your issue resolves itself before too long.Goodnight.