To not bother anymore

[Oheana]

I have only a brother left now as mum, dad and other brother are all deceased. I try to keep in contact and be an aunt to my dear nephew but I don't think I am wanted. My text, phone calls and Facebook messages are ignored and gifts and cards sent to my nephew are received without thanks. I have 5dc of my own so think that I should give up with my brother and concentrate on my own family??

I don't think YABU to feel utterly let down, and YANBU to simply not bother any more.

I tend to say not to burn bridges without very good reason (safety of you and the children) so I have to say YWBU to tell him you're not bothering.

I would focus on the joy of your children rather than the pain of an absent brother certainly.

YANBU to feel very sad about this but I agree with aldi, focus on your DC. Stay in contact but try not to let the lack of response get to you. Some people just don't bother but it doesn't always mean that they don't care.

Mrs-so by staying in contact do I just carry on having correspondence ignored? Do I carry on sending cards and gifts to DNephew? I have no idea how to deal with it???

Just send a card to your nephew every year (maybe add a child related voucher but only a token one) and just leave it at that - a christmas card as well perhaps. You've tried your best. Don't say anything specifically to him though.

Somewhere - up until now I have been sending quite high value gifts (to me anyway) a bike, portable DVD player. It's my dnephews birthday next month and we have Easter too. So do I not make as much of an effort?

I can imagine how disappointed you are but I'd keep at it, if only for the sake of your nephew. As he grows and matures he may come to really appreciate your efforts and all his cousins.

IME brothers can be a shit at keeping up their end of the family bargain. Do you get on well with your SIL? Is there any contact at all?

I would say those are very generous gifts indeed!

I'd send a card and a small voucher for his birthday and leave it at that. then do the same at Christmas. I wouldn't worry about Easter, to be honest.

Wow, they're really expensive gifts!

Stop sending gifts and calling.

Maybe stick to birthday and xmas cards so they know you're there but don't waste any more time than that.

Baba-SIL is the same. She ignores my texts and Facebook messages too. I think I will continue with dnephews birthday and Christmas but tone down the gifts a little??

don't send expensive gifts anymore, they are taking the piss! My BIL/SIL iare the same, I sent cards and (small) gifts for years for my nieces and nephews, they completely ignored my 3DC's. This year I have finally decided not to bother anymore, it is quite a relief!

Doing - it's very hard because part of me thinks bugger them. But then it's the child that suffers.

Oheana, you won't be ignoring him completely, cards and a small gift like a voucher will be fine if you really can't bear to not send anything, but definitely back off a bit. It seems your brothers behaviour is hurting you emotionally, and I'm guessing each time you send something and font receive even a thank you, it hurts more? (My bro is also an insensitive git.) Don't set yourself up to be hurt, keep contact to a minimum, you never know, that is what might provoke a response! Do you think he considers himself as neglecting your kids when he doesn't send anything? x

Good- I don't think the thought of my dc's even enters his head. Being the youngest he has always been a little immature and when dnephew came along he was very showy off and full of importance (I don't mean this in a bitter way) as we are all very proud when we have a child iyswim.

I do swym but he's a dad now, time to take some responsibility. You don't have to be responsible for him, he's a grown up. If he notices you've backed off, what will you do? And don't say you'll start with the expensive gifts again!