to not want not try not prevent..(or something like that)

[PecorinoBread]

DS is 1 years old, I have PCOS, it took over a year to conceive with metformin. I'm aware that's not the longest time TTC ever, but it felt like forever at the time.

I would like another DC, probably a 3 year age gap in an ideal world, as not quite ready for the sleepless nights again any time soon. However, I'm aware it could take us a while to conceive again and while I'm only 33, I am obviously not getting any younger.

DH feels the same, but thinks we should just throw caution to the wind for now and not use contraception a) because he thinks it probably will take a while again and b) because he hated actively TTC last time (mainly because I got quite neurotic about timings etc and quite depressed when tests were negative/didn't ovulate that month etc)

He's probably right, but I'm concerned because I really don't want to have another baby in the next 18 months at least and also...oddly...because if we start having unprotected sex now, I won't be able to help myself from wondering if I am pregnant every month and worrying something is wrong if I am not

DH says my argument makes no sense! What do you think and what should I do??

When I went to the Doc before TTC, I told that 4 in 5 couples conceive within a year. I would guess that that means you are within those bounds, and if you aren't ready another baby yet, don't have unprotected sex! You can't guarantee how long it will take - it took my parents a year of trying before DM fell pregnant with DB1, so they didn't bother with contraception after that, thinking my mum wasn't very fertile. I have two younger brothers

Why don't you use protection now then re-evaluate again in 6 months? A lot can change in 6 months.

Do you think that the issue is (apart from not actually wanting another baby for the next year or so) that you actually would not be able to 'throw caution to the wind' that you would be 'actively TTC' and all the stress associated with that would return?

It's very easy to ^say' let's do it and see what happens, but if you've already had troubles in the past I suspect it's not that easy to put into practice.

YANBU. Perhaps you could compromise by bringing TTC forward a few months, in a year or so? I do think you need to have a very honest chat with your DH about how throwing caution to the wind won't quite work like that for you.

What chocolate said. It's not like a baby is concieved through a build up of sex over time, it's a one time thing so if you are not ready to get pregnant immediately don't risk it. In your situation, I would cease all hormonal contraception and stick to condoms for a bit.

I see where your OH is coming from - TTC can be a bit romance-sapping. We had 21 months of TTC with DC1 & were on the IVF waiting list when we had a natural BFP. So we thought it would take just as long the second time when in fact DC2 was conceived on our first month of using no protection (not actively trying). You have to be sure you would be happy conceiving straight away, it could happen!

You stay fertile long with PCOS because we're not releasing so many eggs and our ovaries aren't exposed to high levels of hormones. Google it, PCOS does extend your fertility to an extent.

If it don't feel right then don't 'just try'; agree with other posters about maybe review in 6 months etc. You're 10 yrs younger than me, you've plenty of time!

I also have pcos. We took 6+ yrs and a 5 figure sum worth of ivf to score DD (born when I was 38). My DH will tell you that we took a long time but couldn't tell you how long. He was NOT the person who, every month for those 70 odd months, was gutted/miserable when my period turned up. It is the main difference between the two partners when you are TTC - the female can not help BUT be absolutely aware of what day it is in your cycle, are you late etc etc; blokes (well, my DH anyway) tend not to notice unless there's no sex cos you're on that night.

Sorry, that's probably a bit TMI for this time of the afternoon, but I hope you see the point I'm trying to make! Good luck for when you do decide you want to go for it!

I think the bigger issue is whether you can stop using protection whenever you decide to without having anxiety every month about timings and whether it's 'worked' or not.

I was worried about avoiding that anxiety so I started ttc a bit before would have been ideal and got pregnant in the first month! And the timing is not ideal, but the excitement of being pregnant makes up for that.