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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not potty train my son yet?

24 replies

GirlOutNumbered · 06/03/2013 12:27

Son is 2 and 7 months. He is very bright and can communicate really well.
He hates not having a nappy on. He will just keep saying 'put my nappy on' and insists on wearing trousers.

Most people say he is not ready yet, but I as thinking that I am sure people used to just set a week and 'train' them. When people used terry nappies, were they happy for them to be in the till nearly three?

Anyway, what I want to know is, am I being lazy in not training my son to use the potty?

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 06/03/2013 12:30

If he's unwilling to be potty trained then he's almost certainly not ready. I used terry nappies and it really wasn't an influence on when my dcs were potty trained because if they really weren't ready you just ended up with masses of washing anyway.

ShowOfHands · 06/03/2013 12:31

Your child. He might be physically ready to train but emotionally not quite ready. Up to you whether you want him in nappies or out of them and whether you think the effort of training a child who doesn't want to train is worth it.

I don't think a boy of 2 in nappies is unusual. In fact I think it's probably the norm isn't it?

Now if you were my sil with her current insistance of leaving dn in nappies, I'd reply differently. But a boy of 2 who says he's not ready and you don't sound bothered by changing nappies still? What's the problem?

TroublesomeEx · 06/03/2013 12:34

I wouldn't rush it tbh. I think a lot of people get overly concerned and competitive about potty training.

You're not being lazy, you're just taking a child centred approach

OzmaofOz · 06/03/2013 12:34

My Dts are a similar age, 2.8 months, I did the big potty talk with them and got myself ready for it all, they just said "No thanks, I will poo and wee in my nappy"
It doesn't bother me really, I might try agin in a bit.

nellyjelly · 06/03/2013 12:40

My boy is 2.7 and really won't go near a pottyor toilet. Gets upset if we try. So have decided to go at his pace for now. Will review when he is 3 and if still not potty trained will have to take action!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 06/03/2013 12:40

I started preparing mine from around this age. Little comments here and there, but frankly, having seen the frustration and anguish a friend went throughh with her 2.6 year old DS, when he seemd to be ready but kept regressing, indecided to wait.

Both mine were just over 3 and were sorted in a week or so each. No accidents, no carrying porta potties etc. DS1 had to be strongly urged, to get into pants, in time for going to a new playgroup. He had a Big Boy day with his dad to start him off. DS2 asked to starte wearing pants and never looked back.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 06/03/2013 12:42

Ds1 was also bright and articulate. Just not emotionally ready.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/03/2013 12:42

I really wouldnt worry. When my DS was about 2 I tried a couple of times just because my MIL said it was about time!! Anyway, it was a total nightmare, he so wasn't ready and it drove us all mad......DH said I sounded like a parrot and all I ever kept saying was do you need a wee?

Just before he turned 3 he turned round to his childminder one day and said to her "I don't want to wear nappies anymore I want to wear pants" and that was it....done!!!

If i had been lucky enough to have anymore I def would have left it till they were well and truely ready.

KellyElly · 06/03/2013 12:42

I would say don't train him before he's ready, however, if he's going to a nursery attached to a school rather than a private nursery some of them insist and won't change nappies.

peachypips · 06/03/2013 12:45

I also waited til 3 with DS1 and it took two days. I plan doing the same with DS2 (2.6) despite the HV telling me I should start now.
I like the 'child-centred approach' spin. Must use that in future!

Beamur · 06/03/2013 12:46

My DD finally relinquished her nappy at about 3.5. I'm pretty sure she could have done without it sooner, but she wasn't ready to make that step.
Personally, I was happy to take it slowly and once DD stopped wearing a nappy she only had 2 or 3 accidents in total.
If your son is becoming more aware of his toileting, perhaps you could introduce a potty into the house and let him use it if he wants - I used to keep one in the bathroom and ask DD if she wanted to use it whilst she was undressed for her bath. The answer was usually 'no' but it didn't hurt to ask and she played at using the potty for some time before using it for real. I tried the 'cold turkey' method for a few days and it really didn't work for us.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 06/03/2013 12:47

I've tried several times to potty train my DS since he was 2.6. Every time he's been unwilling to use the potty and I've decided to defer it. He's now nearly 3 and we are potty training again this week. He is definitely more ready for it than he has been before although is still having more accidents than wees in the potty. I think if a child isn't even willing to sit on the potty or tell you when they are wet then it isn't worth the hassle of potty training yet.

Chopsypie · 06/03/2013 12:50

I'm so much happier reading this thread. DS is 2.8 and will cheerfully wear his big boy pants, but just wets them. He will occasionally ask for the potty, but usually because he wants to put it on his head.
I'm just letting him take the lead, because I cant be bothered with trying to 'train' a toddler when I know i'll just upset him and me.

Gruntfuttocks · 06/03/2013 12:50

Ignore comments from other people and competitive potty-trainers. Let your kid tell you when he's ready and have a potty and pants in the house for when the moment arrives. Try too soon, and you just make a heck of a lot of work for yourself. My DS announced on his third birthday that he wasn't wearing nappies any more, and that was literally that - off they came and never had a single accident. Ditto night times about a month later.

RagamuffinAndFidget · 06/03/2013 12:54

My DS1 was totally not ready at 2y7mo but a month later I said to him that there wouldn't be any more nappies during the day and that was that really! They're ready when they're ready, don't worry about it.

Quenelle · 06/03/2013 13:04

DS was in nappies until he was 3.2. He would run around bare-bummed for hours but would hold it in until he had his nappy back on. He just wasn't ready to 'let go' without a nappy on. When he did learn he was straight into pants and using the toilet, bypassing the potty altogether.

ChunkyPickle · 06/03/2013 13:09

About the same age as mine, and mine has a similar attitude - although he'd prefer to be completely nude given the choice, then either gets distracted and pees somewhere, or starts crouching and looking desperate until I put a nappy on him so he can pee/poo.

I'm waiting for summer, so it'll be warmer, and he can be out in the garden and we'll try a bit harder.

The crazy thing is we ECed when he was little, and he'd happily sit and poo on the potty until he was about 8 months old and we moved house. Now he becomes the amazing unbendable baby if you try and sit him on it!

FeckOffCup · 06/03/2013 13:17

YANBU, my DD is 2.3 and I'm not planning on starting to train her until the summer. Partly because she isn't that interested and doesn't really want to sit on the toilet on her insert seat and partly because we have a holiday booked for may and it's easier to keep her in nappies until we are home from it. A lot of people I know seem to be in such a rush, some of them have the children in pants by their 2nd birthday even when the child is clearly not ready.

sarahtigh · 06/03/2013 13:18

I would mention toilets potties casually 2-3 times a week, some private nurseries do not do nappies they will cope with accidents but may not have nappy changing facilities if Ds is going to one of these do not wait untill 3 weeks before he goes, I tried with Dd when 2.5 no joy in 3 days forgot about it, tried again at 2.8 again no joy then at 2.10 she just got in dry and clean in 3 days 6 weeks later dry at night bar very occasional accident ( mostly due to one of her parents forgetting to insist she goes before bed or she falls asleep early)

I did choose a day each time and just stayed in for 3 days by third day on successful attempt we were going mostly in potty by 5th day pretty reliable

xigris · 06/03/2013 13:24

I'm currently in the throes of potty training DS2 who's 3.4. If I had a £ for every time my mother or someone badgered me to do it then I'd be potty training him in the Maldives! He's been totally uninterested in the whole thing up until now and I'm far too lazy in tune with him (ha!) to push him. He's now quite keen on the idea which is why we're plodding on with it. Personally, I think each child is different and you know your child best. When I had DS1 there seemed to be so much competitiveness about potty training which I couldn't stand. After all, you don't put the age you were out of nappies on your CV do you?

BigBoobiedBertha · 06/03/2013 13:34

My boys were 3.2 and 3.5. DS1 did seem ready and tbh, as I was heavily pregnant and then had a new born I wasn't in a hurry to give it a go. DS2 was about 3 weeks old before we both ready to give it a try.

DS2 was just stubborn. He hates to get things wrong so wouldn't take the chance and really had to be almost forced to wear pants. I sat with him in the bathroom for over an hour after 3 days of failure, trying to get him to use the toilet. He must have been dying to go but he just wouldn't. In the end I had to get DS1 from school and he waited until he was alone with my mum and then used the toilet. After he knew he could do it, it was pretty much cracked. Hardly any accidents.

I really don't see the point of forcing it unless you have to and even then, it probably won't be 100% successful The only reason I did DS2 when I did was because his nursery were beginning to ask why I hadn't. They had a policy of not changing nappies although they did if they had to, but it was getting embarrassing! I always take heart from somebody I used to know whose children were around 4 before they stopped wearing nappies. I think she just decided to let them come to her about it. It worked but I would have been worrying about the child who only managed to get dry 4 weeks before starting infant school.

racmun · 06/03/2013 13:38

I'm glad it's not just my ds. He will go on his potty but insists on having a nappy on and go nuts if try and put pants on him.

He is also 2 years 7 months. I'm not pushing it - I let him use the potty if he wants to and put a pull nappy on so it's a bit like pants.

They'll do it in their own time

Original poster

GirlOutNumbered · 06/03/2013 13:45

Thanks for all the replies, it so great to know I am doing the right thing. I only know one woman with a son a similar age and she has just potty trained, but she is changing his trousers etc at least three times a day and to me it doesn't seem worth that effort!

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 06/03/2013 13:46

Ds was 3, the last time he wet himself was the first day of nursery and after that he was pretty much dry.

I cannot think of anything more boring than setting aside a whole week for potty training and then if it doesn't happen it's just a waste. We just did it gradually, wee when getting up, before going out and while we were out and then before leaving. No asking wether we wanted a wee or not. Pants on at home and pull ups when we were out.

It worked for us and other kids I have' trained.'

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