AIBU to not want to commit to something in a years time?

[FarTooEarly]

I have been away with some friends recently and we had a good time. Organising it was a pita (people need constant chasing, asking information I had already posted on FB more than once etc). We have been discussing what we may like to do next time, however as this won't be until after this time next year, I am not really thinking about it at the moment.

One friend in the group has decided to arrange the same event again (the last time I knew we were talking as a group about doing something different and discussing ideas) and she has set up an event on FB asking who wants to go as she wants to book it ASAP. The date is over a YEAR away!

We are hoping to move within the next year or so, most likely around the time she is planning this event for. She has also invited the whole world! I kept it to a group of friends who all knew each other as I thought this was better when having to share rooms and accommodation etc. My friend though has invited her family, another friends family, various friends that no one else knows and said to anyone else to add who they like. Surely the point in going away as a group is that you are actually going away with your friends? Or I may just be a bit or a misery.

I had a good time and would love to do it again but I don't really know if I want to commit this far in advance, I can't afford to lose any money so don't want to pay the deposit then lose it, or pay all the money and need to pull out. I also feel a bit 'funny' about sharing with people I don't know, no matter how nice others tell me they are. I have health problems and my friends know(ish, they don't always get it really) but I don't want to have to constantly explain to a bunch of strangers why I can't do this and why I need to rest etc. I find it a little humiliating when I look fine and I know people are wondering "but you look fine, why are you sat down yet again" etc.

Would you suck it up and just go knowing that the weekend will be good although not without potential problems (friend who is organising wants people to mix and is likely to want to mix us all up in the accommodation rather than putting friends with actual friends) or not commit this far in advance?

In your shoes I would simply forget it. It's not going to be the same, you're busy, moire people are going she's being a PITA....politely decline.

I'd just plain not go - it doesn't sound like what she's planning would suit you, if she is inviting everyone and his dog to go along.

Just say "No thanks, but if we're having another smaller get-together I might be interested" and leave it at that.

I don't think your friend is unreasonable getting the ball rolling re planning an event a year in advance. I tried to organise a holiday 6/8 months in advance and several people I invited were unable to come as they had already decided how they would be spending their holiday days and money for the coming year. Most of my friends work full time and only have 25 days holiday per year or so and limited money so they tend to plan quite far ahead (especially as we are in our early 30s and tend to have numerous weddings and hen dos to work around!)

I actually got quite annoyed recently as I was only given a few months' notice of a wedding and hen do (both abroad) as I hadn't factored them into my plans for 2013 (either time of money wise). So I ended up having to decline the hen do invite although I can fit in the wedding. I just had not budgeted for them you see.

So in my social circle it is fairly normal to plan things very far in advance as everyone is so busy.

However we normally only reserve the dates in our diaries that far in advance and would not be booking and paying for accomodation or asking people for money until nearer to the time. Maybe suggest to your friend that you all reserve the dates now, but don't actually book until nearer the time (unless there is a pressing reason why you need to book now). Explain to her that you are planning to move so can't commit now.

I can understand you being a bit upset with your friend inviting other people you do not know, if it's was meant to be a smaller thing with just close friends. We tend to go away at Easter with the same group of people, and I would probably run it past them if I was going to invite a whole bunch of other people (especially if we would be sharing accommodation).

We have planned our summer holiday already and a couple we have invited are not sure if they can afford it or not, so they have not committed, but if it turns out they can afford it they will just come to the same place at the same time as us and sort out their own accommodation. Could something like that work?

What Choccy says about asking people to keep a date free is perfectly reasonable but asking people to commit money that far ahead is not necessary. And the fact that she has turned it into an event for a bunch of randoms would make me not want to go.

Take it as a compliment that she wants to share it with so any others. But decline.

Can't you simply say that you would love to go but not able to commit at the moment and if there are spaces nearer the time and you aren't in the middle of/just about to move (or whatever excuse you want to use to give you a get out clause) then you'd love to go. That would give you the option nearer the time and you decide then whether you want to go or not, but in the meantime in your friends eyes you are not looking like a killjoy/misery.

Choccy that made me . My friends are some of the most unorganised people I know, the words piss up and brewery spring to mind.

This particular event does get fully booked and fairly early which is why she is trying to jump the gun but it does not get booked out a year in advance. We have been twice and each time I think we booked about 5 months in advance and it was fine.

I have just looked and even more people have been added to the invite list now. I think I will decline for reasons of not knowing where we are wrt moving then if there is space nearer the time, try to book something then, or wait for the inevitable people to drop out because they can't make it after all and take one of their places, as happened this time. Saying that if most of the people on the list say yes, I don't fancy it anyway, I won't know over half of them and I get pretty anxious around people I don't know. It will not make for a relaxing break!

And she doesn't want us to save the date, she wants deposits so she can book it ASAP.

In your situation I would just decline for now, then I would keep an eye on who's going and the details etc. And if in 6 months time it looks quite promising, I'd ask to tag on. I'm sure they'd be able to squeeze you in.