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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be pissed off...

7 replies

lurkerspeaks · 05/03/2013 01:02

that my aunt refused to give me the code to the keysafe box on my ill 93 year old Grandmother's house and made me drive across the city to borrow a set of keys instead to get access. I was going round as my Gran is unwell today having only been discharged from hospital 3 days ago. Gran is very deaf and has form for not hearing the doorbell even when well.

The reason for not giving me the code - she doesn't want to prejudice the security of the house. I am a middle class professional. I do not have form for stealing from my relatives (just in case you thought this might be the reason).

So every carer employed by the council homecare team can have the code. But I as her grandchild, going in to visit, as we are all concerned about her heatlh can't have the code. It took me about an extra hour to go to pick the key up. After my visit I then had to go to the chemist to pick up some supplies and come home to deal with the soiled linen I had rescued from the house.

Side issues (which may be influencing my annoyance) Aunt lives 400 miles away and isn't planning to come up. Aunt has failed to pass contact details for any of our branch of the family onto the healthcare professionals looking after my Gran - it has been quite a surprise to the nursing staff during two different hospital admissions and the homecare team to realise that we actually exist. We all live locally. My mother (my aunt's sister) has just died and until 6 months ago my Ma generally coordinated all the Granny issues (but kept her sister, my aunt, informed). In the aftermath of my mum's death my aunt demanded all sets of keys to my Gran's house back. I am so so glad my Dad failed to comply and hung on to his.

If this story sounds familiar and you are my cousin you can interpret quite freely that I think your Mother is being a bitch.

OP posts:
anonymosity · 05/03/2013 01:31

Oh dear I am sorry to hear about this - I'm definitely not your cousin but similar things were happening with my GPs when they were very old and its sad and difficult. I have unfortunately no helpful suggestions other than get a set of keys made so that you can come and go to help your Grandmother as much as you need without the drama. I wish I could say it gets better, but I think it gets a lot worse before it gets better (death, grabby relatives after what's in the house etc...) Good luck with it and sorry not to be more helpful.

ripsishere · 05/03/2013 01:31

Not U in the slightest.

Jux · 05/03/2013 01:35

Incredible. What a bitch. Thank goodness she lives so far away, so she's less likely to be spiriting things away every day.

Hope you got a set of keys made. Ask one of her carers for the code.

lurkerspeaks · 05/03/2013 01:39

I'm going to get keys cut tomorrow. That way my siblings and I can have a set each and Dad can get his set back.

My Gran has given me permission. Unfortunately she can't remember the code for the keysafe!

The grabbiness has already started. She hasn't got a lifeline system because it costs money. I've said I'll pay. FFS no one in the family is destitute and I'll sleep a hell of a lot better at night if I know she has a means to call for help.

OP posts:
SquinkiesRule · 05/03/2013 01:52

Make a big list of all the contacts, names and phone numbers in large prints, and tape it up in the house in a couple of places for the helpers who come in and have the code Hmm, then drop off the same list to your Grans GP to be put on the front of her chart, or on her computer file however they do it. Your Aunt is being very unreasonable and you are not.

Kytti · 05/03/2013 03:06

Get a locksmith in the change the code and don't give it to your Aunt. She's being a cow.

anonymosity · 05/03/2013 17:58

I don't think I'd go that far Kytti - its adding fuel to the fire and won't end well. But getting your own keys / access and putting in helpful numbers as others have suggested is a good start.

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