My in laws live abroad and then travel from there to another country for most of the winter, every winter without fail, regardless of what else is happening in the family. That's obviously their prerogative.
I am due to have a baby (not my first) in October. When Dh told MIL yesterday she said that they would come and visit at the beginning of November then, before they go away for the winter.
Due to their previous laziness and rudeness and treating my Mum like their servant when they came to stay, as well as making my children from a previous marriage feel uncomfortable, I have told DH that they are not welcome to stay in the house any more, so would have to find a hotel whenever they stayed next.
However, DH will be working during the day after his paternity leave and so if they come at the start of November, ever they stay in a hotel, they will want to spend the days at out house and I just don't feel up to entertaining them with a two week old baby whilst trying to look after other children and trying to establish breast feeding. They will not help out at all and are very judgemental about any mess, so I will also feel pressured to keep the house spotless.
I've told DH that its best if they stay when he has time off work, although due to their plans over winter, this would mean they wouldn't see the baby until it is 4-5 months old. They didn't meet DD until she was 4 months old anyway and they have only seen her once other than that and she is now 21 months old. They are busy with their lives and that is fine of course, but I don't feel their grandchildren are a priority for them and because of that I don't see why I should put myself under stress just to keep them happy.
AIBU?
AIBU?
To think my in laws should visit when it suits us?
bottleoffish · 04/03/2013 17:58
your ds' birthday?! oh no 
i think you're right to not have them. but you don't have to deal with it right now. give it a couple of days, then email them. i don't think your dh has got it in him to stand up to them at the moment. it's a huge process to recognise your parents are toxic and it doesn't seem to me like he's begun walking along that road YET.
i think that you shouldn't explain why they can't come. it'll give them the opportunity to deny it and say they'll help and it's no bother. and then you'll find it very hard to still say no.
i'd say 'i don't think november will work this year, but please do come and visit at easter next year'. the less said, the better, and the clearer the message. no reasons to argue with.
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