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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be this shaken up over it?

62 replies

Flojobunny · 04/03/2013 15:22

This is not a thread about a thread, I don't think, but someone linked a story on Sophie Hook (a girl who was kidnapped and murdered) and there was no warning and it was very graphic and I was physically sick and have been unusually traumatised and shakey today.
Does anyone else get like this? Am I losing my mind?
The James Bulger case is the one that if I think too much about I get quite ill over but this one has left me in tatters, I couldn't sleep last night and feel so shakey today.

OP posts:
Shodan · 04/03/2013 16:38

The only thing to do is avoid all such news stories, I'm afraid. It's what I do. I also ask people not to discuss it in front of me (family or friends- if it's people on the train or something, I move).

I fully admit to being a bit sensitive in most areas of my life, but there's nothing wrong with that. Some people have more empathy than others, some have stronger stomachs- whatever way you look at it, the simple fact is that not everyone can tolerate reading/hearing about such stories.

However, I do think that being physically sick might be a little extreme- but if you suffer from anxiety generally it's probably understandable. It might be worth a trip to the doctors, if you feel it's that bad.

Otherwise- just try not to read about them.

Original poster
Flojobunny · 04/03/2013 16:38

I guess somewhere in the middle would be more normal.
It was the graphic details I think that has done it, it painted such a vivid picture before I realised I really shouldn't have read it and stopped.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojobunny · 04/03/2013 16:41

I'm not usually physically sick.
I'm a nurse and have seen some sights in my time but I have never been sick by anything.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/03/2013 16:42

I was about to ask do you have a pressured job. Are you feeling more than usually stressed or have you recently undergone some loss or has a loved one experienced something upsetting?

WorraLiberty · 04/03/2013 16:45

Why did you read it then?

Surely you must have known after the first few lines that it was going to upset you...so why go on to read the graphic details?

Original poster
Flojobunny · 04/03/2013 16:51

Worra things like that don't usually effect me like this and I guess in some way I was hoping it would end with 'she was murdered first' but it didn't it ended with proof she wasn't and that's what tipped me over the edge.
My job has been fine, it was the weekend.
I do struggle hormonally but I'm 3 days early for PMT.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojobunny · 04/03/2013 16:52

I will certainly be avoiding things like this in the future.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 04/03/2013 16:53

Flojobunny - please try your hardest to ignore the posters who seem intent on blaming you for reading the story, or reading too much of it, or 'over-reacting' or any other kind of horrid and unhelpful finger-pointing.

You are not going crazy. It is a totally sickening and horrifying story. However you are feeling, there is a good reason for those feelings. I think talking about your reaction is a really healthy thing to do - same for being open to the possibility that this story has upset you more than it did most people.

It does seem like the story has 'hit a nerve' for you - it might be worth thinking about exactly what aspects of the story make it seem so sickening for you personally. Was it just the graphic details of the attack or was it something else as well?

Anyway, it's good to talk about these things - bottling up scary feelings like this just tends to make them more scary and overwhelming.

Original poster
Flojobunny · 04/03/2013 17:02

There was something specific that has really been bothering me most but I don't know why.
I won't say what it is as I don't want to upset anyone with the details.
The picture I keep getting seems like a flashback but that doesn't make sense as nothing like that happened to me.

OP posts:
BornInACrossFireHurricane · 04/03/2013 17:09

I understand OP. I saw a an article and photograph on a news website recently that played on my mind for a quite a while and really upset me, actually.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/03/2013 17:19

Could you write it down on paper, get it all out - what sickened you, if you have any reason you don't want to go into on here it upset you - then destroy it?

flippinada · 04/03/2013 17:32

I understand where you're coming from OP at feeling so distressed, I think we've all read things that have in some way haunted and disturbed us. I know I have.

flippinada · 04/03/2013 17:33

If you're talking about the wikipedia report I think I know the bit you're talking about and I can understand that too.

You're not mad to be upset by something so horrible.

Original poster
Flojobunny · 04/03/2013 17:40

Yes the wiki report, the section about the abduction.
I think some people think I'm being a drama queen or something but it really isn't that.
I don't usually feel this physically bad about stuff. As mentioned in OP when my DC were toddlers I felt haunted by what happened to James Bulger, every now and then it creeped in to my thoughts and I pushed them away but this has really left me nauseous and shaky all night and day. Even work didn't distract me.

OP posts:
sydlexic · 04/03/2013 17:43

I remember feeling he same reading about Jamie Bulger, at the time it was originally reported in the papers. I was working at a news agents so could not get away from it. Shortly after that time I had a complete breakdown. I suffer from anxiety.

I would advise you to see your GP. I would guess this is not normal for you as anyone that suffers from such extreme anxiety would not have chosen to be a nurse.

flippinada · 04/03/2013 17:47

The thing with wikipedia is, there's no quality control and it may be that isn't true and has been added in for "shock, horror" effect (although of course it's shocking and upsetting enough as it is). How does the person who wrote the article know?

Someone on here posted something about taking comfort from the good things people do when something like this happens. Bit garbled but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

MrsKoala · 04/03/2013 17:50

i often get very upset at things i read and news stories. Personally i wouldn't want to change that. i am quite an innocent person at heart and i see my reaction as part of that. i would never want to be jaded enough for horrible details of what happened to another human being or animal to not be given a second thought. And it is usually little details of stories which replay with me too. i hope you feel better.

flippinada · 04/03/2013 17:55

Just to add, you don't sound like a drama queen Flojo.

Personally speaking, these things have affected me a lot more since I became a parent.

amillionyears · 04/03/2013 18:09

You need to talk to someone about the "something specific".
I once saw something I always said I didnt want to see in my life, and unfortunately I did end up seeing it. It couldnt have been avoided in my case.
It made an already difficult situation [death of a loved one], even more difficult. I was a lot lot more upset than I would otherwise have been by what I had witnessed. And I was still no better about it all after 3 days.
Like you, I didnt want to share it with anybody at all, as I didnt want to also give them the same problem and momories and mental pictures that I had.

But in the end, I had to unburden.
But what happened was, the person who said I could tell them, and agreed for me to tell them, wasnt anywhere near as bothered by the descriptions of what I had seen and witnessed, as I was.

So, I was able to unburden, and they were still ok.

I really think you need to find a person [probably in rl], to unburden it to as well.

Sugarice · 04/03/2013 18:19

I don't think anyone on this thread has suggested you're a drama queen. I had ds1 in '95 and it was horrific knowing the circumstances of her abduction, her parents were brave beyond words in their press conferences!

I remember 9/11 and the Mum and young daughter who were on one of the two planes who crashed were stuck in my mind for a long time afterwards. I couldn't stop thinking about how she would have been trying to comfort her child, what would I have done? etc.

I was like you but without the shaking and sickness, eventually it faded from my mind.

The internet is a marvel yet feeds anxieties at a fingertip!

SocialClimber · 04/03/2013 18:23

I avoid subjects like this in the news and in papers. I could not avoid the stupid sensationalist bint in my office who told me awful, awful details about baby P. Stuff I didn't want to know, and at the time I did feel sick and still think about the details she gave me. Only when the subject arises though, it doesn't take over me, and I wasn't physically sick or shaky.

I too would rather not hear horrific details but I do think you should maybe talk to someone if it's affecting you so much.

BubblegumPie · 04/03/2013 18:28

OP, I don't think you're BU at all.

I'm the same, I get really teary and nauseous when I read things like this. I also work for an FGM charity and get dreadfully upset at some of the things I read/see.
It's called compassion and it's nothing to be ashamed of!!!!!

Lilithmoon · 04/03/2013 18:30

OP I have just read the story and it is beyond horrific. My DD is about the same age and sitting next too me right now. It is very upsetting and I feel so sorry for Sophie and her family. There are some things that stay with you, I understand that.
However, it seems as if you may be having an unusually strong reaction ad perhaps you do need to think about what has caused that.
I really hope you are ok OP.

akaemmafrost · 04/03/2013 18:31

I do but I do have anxiety and panic disorder. I tend to know what might be a trigger and will avoid. It's strange in that I can go for days feeling fine and then wake up edgy one morning and I just know if I read or see something graphic or distressing its going to kick off a panic attack or anxiety. Those days I avoid the news and all tv really and hope for the best.

willesden · 04/03/2013 18:39

I had to google Sophie Hook because I thought I had never heard of her. The case is 18 years old! Blimey, love, you may need a lie down when you get around to reading about the Soham murders.