to be worried that my 2-year old DD is so uncomfortable with her grandparents

[quesadilla]

My dd sees her grandparents about once a month on average. They're both quite old and my mum has dementia and my dad is a bit of an old codger and not the world's most child-friendly person but they love her and make this clear. She barely talks when they are there (can't shut her up normally) and is reserved to the point of being hostile with them about half the time she's with them, won't let them hug or hold her at all and frequently walks out of rooms when they walk in.
I'm not worried in a sinister way, i.e. don't think either of them has been cruel to her or anything like this. I just wonder if its normal for a child who has met its grandparents on numerous occasions to be so uncomfortable around them. I'd expect her to be more comfortable with them by now. She isn't the most extrovert of children but she's pretty sociable at nursery with the childminders and the other kids. She's an only as well if that's relevant.
Am I over-thinking this or is this a sign that there could be some behavioural issues?

she obviously doesnt feel very relaxed around them and abit anxious

They sound like they relate to her in a way she doesn't understand. As she's only 2 so I wouldn't worry. Keep up the contact and I'm sure they'll build a relationship.

I wouldn't worry too much. We see my grandparents probably on average every two weeks, and it's only been in the past 6 months or so that my nearly-5-year-old will hug, kiss or even talk to my granny. She just likes to take time to suss people and situations out before she gets involved.

I remember hating having to kiss Granny when I was little as she had a whiskery face and v wrinkled lips.

Not much help to you OP but I'm sure she'll be fine in a year or two.

I'm sure she'll grow out of it, I wouldn't worry.

My DD gets on great with my parents but for some reason for the first 2 years of her life she would completely freak out if my sister was there. My sister is great with kids (she's an occupational therapist who works with children with SEN) but for some reason my DD hated her. She would burst into tears and hide behind me (again, I know nothing sinister, she's never been around her when I'm not there, and I now my sister isn't like that).

They're fine now though

My DD hated her granddad until she was about 4...he's an old codger too and hasn't much time or patience..he loves her though...a lot. She worked out that he's often busy and so likes to hassle him...she's almost 5 now and adores him.

Try to make sure you're not tense...that makes them worse I think.

My FIL has alzheimer's and this makes my 5 year old very unsure of him. My 9 yr old is old enough to have been given a more in depth explanation and he's extremely patient with my FIL (although after the 53rd time of being asked "How's school" he does tend to come and see if I need any help, just to get away before he snaps I think), but it makes him sad for his Grandad.

I wouldn't worry too much, and YWBU to stop visits purely because your dd doesn't like them, I didn't much like old people when I was little (anyone over the age of about 26 at that time, I especially disliked my lovely Granny until I was about 10) but as your dd grows I would try and encourage an understanding of how crap it is to be old, and how much joy a child can bring, encourage her to talk about things she loves, bring things to 'show and tell' and generally instigate conversations that include everyone.

Not much else you can do really!

Yeah I know in my rational mind that its probably normal but I find it very upsetting and I think my dad does a bit too. (He's always asking me to put her on his lap to read to her while I go off to do things when I'm staying with them and she always wriggles free within seconds and starts crying.) She also did it with my DH's parents when we went to see them overseas as well, which I put down to it all being strange and hot and different but this is more alarming. Any ideas as to how to get her to talk to them?

My DS1 doesn't particularly like any of his grandparents apart from MIL. Don't think it's that unusual though it does make me a bit sad

You can't make her talk to them. You just need to give her time. Don't put too much pressure on her let her play around them and go to them in her own time.
Ds was a bit like that with my parents at about 2 and he sees them at least once a week. A month is still a long time for a child that age so she is kind of starting again every time.
Ds now loves going to my parents and can't get him away from them. We never forced him. Stuck to short visits and let him do it at his own pace.

What would happen if you left her with them for ten minutes (if possible?). Both my younger DS's have been 'funny' with my MIL when small yet once they were old enough to be left with her for a small amount of time it improved. Think it was just they realised they had to get on with her if we weren't there and then they realised she wasn't so bad. Never had a problem with my parents.

Incidentally, we think it is because MIL tends to panic if they cry (DH says she's forgotten how to be a Mummy) and they sense that. Plus, we often have 'issues' in our house caused by her involvement in DS1's life before I was around and thus I suspect they (possibly even in the womb) knew I can be tense around her. We actively try to see her in order for the boys to know she's alright really and now DS2 (aged 2.5) thinks she is great but would still choose my parents over IL's especially if wanting to chill out.

When I was little I used to be scared of one of my grandparents because she smelled funny. Not bad funny, but she did seem to smell different to other people.

Do you think there might be something like that?

My children, particularly DS (now 6) can't stand my PIL. I find it difficult as Ilike them so they can't have picked it up fron me. When asked DS says it is because they are too old,( late 70s) too loud and play tricks. I think it is a shame but he just doesn't gel with them and DDs follow his example. We persevere though, they visit and stay for tea every Saturday and have done since he was born.

JandT this is part of the problem: my mum isn't really with it enough to be left alone with her for long, even though she'd love to be. My dad has problems with his knees, he can walk but he's not very mobile and is scared of falling and I sense that he doesn't really feel comfortable with the responsibility of having a small child's safey to deal with. Its a pain sometimes because I need to do things on my own sometimes (like go to the toilet) and if my DH isn't there I rely on them to supervise and neither of them are particularly comfortable doing this. My dad wants to spend time with her but he doesn't seem to realize that children of that age are mobile and won't sit still -- he wants to plonk her on his knee and read to her or watch TV with her and she's generally not able to sit still that long. So he sort of stops making the effort and talks over her which is a little frustrating. I can't say I think my dd's reaction is irrational at all and sometimes I think my dad needs to be a bit bolder and just expose himself to the risks but in reality both of them are well past the age when they could run around after her. I suppose this is one of the downsides of being an older parent :( It does make me sad though.