Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

People inviting their children along without asking!

28 replies

Sixparrotspullingupcarrots · 04/03/2013 13:21

We are planning a surprise party for a friend's birthday next weekend. It's a 4 hour trip on a boat followed by a meal in a quite posh (ie not super child friendly) restaurant from 6pm onwards. We have invited about 30 people and we are paying for the whole thing, including the meal. We decided not to invite any children because the birthday girl doesn't know the children and we didn't want to then invite swathes of other kids.

One couple asked if their children aged 3 and 5 could come. We said it was ok for them to come on the boat trip. Now they're coming to the meal too, although we specifically said that they could only come on the boat. Her parents live locally so it's not like they don't have any childcare at all.

This weekend we received an email from them inquiring as to whether the boat could stop along the way in case their (uninvited) children get bored and want to get off!

AIBU or are they taking the piss?

OP posts:

HillBilly76 · 04/03/2013 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

IllGetOverIt · 04/03/2013 13:23

What was your reply?
I think puce opened a can of worms saying they could come on the boat trip tbh.
Other guests may not be happy they're there if their dc weren't allowed to come.

Can you back track and say they can't?

Iammyhair · 04/03/2013 13:23

Email them back and say the boat does not have insurance for under 18's to be on there. And the meal is child free. Problem solved.

LoopDeLoops · 04/03/2013 13:23

Yup. What HillBilly said.

MajaBiene · 04/03/2013 13:24

Email everyone now and say it's not suitable for children - you should have made that clear from the start.

CocktailQueen · 04/03/2013 13:24

There's always one, isn't there?? Agree with the others - no insurance for kids on the boat, NO CHILDREN at all. Good luck :)

annh · 04/03/2013 13:24

Yes, they are completely taking the piss! The children will be bored and making everyone's lives a misery after about 30 mins. The whole party will feel obliged to be charming and accommodating to these children while simultaneously gritting their teeth and thinking about the childcare arrangements they have had to put in place for their own children. Email the friends back and say that the meal is not suitable for children and actually considering that they think their children will be bored, it would be better if they didn't come on the boat either! (Can you check with the boat people that they are happy to have children on board?)

sooperdooper · 04/03/2013 13:25

I agree you should backtrack, apologise and say no kids - it's not unreasonable for them to have asked but if you want it to be no kids then you have to say no

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/03/2013 13:27

Great suggestion from Iammyhair then it's nothing personal, just protocol .

Thumbwitch · 04/03/2013 13:28

Absolutely taking the piss and I would rescind the agreement to allowing them on the boat in the first place. If you have to, tell them that the boating company isn't insured to have small children on the boat.

GuffSmuggler · 04/03/2013 13:28

Definitely backtrack, this would REALLY piss me off if I had organised childcare and was looking forward to a lovely child-free day and someone else's kids were running around causing chaos.

There is no way a 3 year old will be happy on a boat for 4 hours!

delilahlilah · 04/03/2013 13:30

They may need life jackets any way to go on the boat. Check with the boat company as you may have a legit reason to revoke their invitation. IMO stupid to want to take children of that age to something like this, you haven't got an option to take them away if they don't like it.

ChristmasJubilee · 04/03/2013 13:30

They are taking the piss - but you are letting them!

PrincessOfThemyscira · 04/03/2013 13:31

I agree with GuffSmuggler (fab name BTW) - if invited sans children I would be looking forward to a grown-up event and be very peeved about someone else's little cherubs running around screaming.

aldiwhore · 04/03/2013 13:32

It's NBU to ask if children can come, and it's NBU to say no.

Sometimes the only way I could attend a party is if the children can come along too... I sometimes don't ask as it's fairly obvious it's a grown up do, sometimes I do ask, I never feel offended if the answer is no, and hope they don't feel offended when I can't attend.

Asking isn't a problem. Expecting is.

On the other hand YWBslightlyU for not stating that the party was not child friendly.

Thumbwitch · 04/03/2013 13:33

I'm actually amazed that they would even want to bring their children on the boat trip at those ages - DH's Christmas works do has been a boat trip for the last 3 years (no more, everyone apart from the boss is sick of them!) and the first year, one couple brought their 2 DC, aged 2 and 4. Well, the mother (non-worker) spent the first half of the evening trailing the 4yo around the boat to make sure he didn't fall off, while the 2yo wailed in the pushchair - and then they both fell asleep, 2yo in the pushchair, 4yo laid out on the bench inside, meaning that the rest of us were tiptoeing past so as not to wake him.

This year, I only went because I was allowed to bring 6wo DS2 (bf'ing, overnight stay in hotel after boat trip) but refused point blank to allow DS1 (aged 5) to come with us because I didn't want to end up worrying about his safety all night. (Note - DS2 was no trouble to anyone)

MrsKoala · 04/03/2013 13:36

yes taking the piss. i would check with the boat company first before you use the insurance excuse - you don't want them calling them direct and saying it's fine. Then you would be lumbered or have to make another excuse.

i would just say not suitable for kids full stop - no excuses.

Peachy · 04/03/2013 13:41

Having childacre nearby doesn;t mean it's actually available that day, maybe their family are busy?

I think that having agreed to the boat trip it would be fair to stand by it now
whilst specifying that no stops will be amde for the children to get off, but as for the emal etc no, unless your reply initially was vague and let them assume meal / boat trip was one event the agreement might cover all?

As a rule of thumb I always say it's fine for you not to invite my children as long as it's fine for me not to attend, I've had situations before where people have banned kids then got snotty about me not being there- you can;t have it both ways!

I'd ring for a chat and say boat trip can't stop, if kids might get bored maybe it's nto for them after all?

Startail · 04/03/2013 13:44

I have no child care, when the DCs were small you got me or DH or both of us and the DDs.

Consequently, I loved adults who planned child friendly BBQs and hated those who insisted on stuffy meals.

I know I've missed a group boat trip because it wouldn't allow the DDs, despite them being 10-13 and not likely to fall in.

Peachy · 04/03/2013 13:44

Oh and I would ALWAYS offer to pay if I took the boys along somewhere like this. Indeede as I often have to take the siblings along to birthday parties I make sure they bring a book or DS and a packed meal so nobody feels they must cater for the uninvited child.

atthewelles · 04/03/2013 14:08

YANBU and that couple sound like those annoying parents who assume their children are welcome everywhere; expect events to be shifted around to accommodate them; and smile beatifically while their kids are being a total nuisance and annoying everyone.

I would definitely try and un-invite them. Maybe the parents will take offence, but maybe they will also learn not to be such self entitled arses.

MrsKoala · 04/03/2013 14:10

just to make clear - i think it's taking the piss to ask for the boat to stop, not to ask if dc can attend. I would often assume daytime events are child friendly and would ask too. I don't mind people saying no tho. But as other say, it's the only way we can attend things.

And just to check, did they ask if the COULD stop specially, or did they ask if the boat WOULD stop along the way in case they needed to bail? There is a difference i think and i would probably ask the latter, so i could have an escape plan in case ds were irritating people.

Bejeena · 04/03/2013 14:13

Hmmmm you say inviting people. Does this mean you or the brithday girl are footing the bill for all of this, boat trip, meal etc? If so then no YANBU you choose the exact guest list.

If however everyone is paying their own meals and boat trip then I think YABU to ask people with kids to come along and expect them to not bring the kids.

However they are BU asking for the boat trip to stop.

annh · 04/03/2013 14:16

The Op has said she is paying for the whole thing, including meal.

Bejeena · 04/03/2013 14:20

Ah yes I missed that bit.

I don't think YABU in that case.

Flip

1 2