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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a new starter who I'm mentoring not to put on her make up

30 replies

Twitterqueen · 04/03/2013 11:27

Whilst I'm in the middle of a conversation about roles and responsibilities?

This was a contractor, 2 or 3 days into role, in a team meeting (though the others weren't there at the time, took out her make-up bag and began applying powder, blush and lippy as I was talking to her about the role and what she needed to focus on?

OP posts:
Original poster
Twitterqueen · 04/03/2013 11:28

sorry - bad grammar - should be "... ), who took out her ....

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 04/03/2013 11:29

YANBU. What did you say to her?

ThePskettiIncident · 04/03/2013 11:29

Yanbu. That's rude.

Flossyfloof · 04/03/2013 11:30

OOh, how naughty! I would have stopped talking and looked pissed off until she got the message. What did you do? If she didn't immediately get the message I would have told her very clearly how unprofessional she was being. Worrying though that she would need to be told.

MammaTJ · 04/03/2013 11:30

Yanbu! Appalling behaviour.

JohnBender88 · 04/03/2013 11:31

How rude and disrespectful. I take it she's not at all arsed about making a good impression.

Mum2Pea · 04/03/2013 11:32

that's terrible!
i am a training manager and if someone did that in one of my sessions, i would say

please can you put that away and do it in your own time
i understand you can multiskill so maybe listen and take notes at the same time

Abra1d · 04/03/2013 11:32

YANBU!

StuntGirl · 04/03/2013 11:34

"I understand you can multiskill so maybe listen and take notes at the same time"

Oo I love it pea!

FireOverBabylon · 04/03/2013 11:40

I would be stunned if a new member of staff did that - she hasn't given any thought as to what message that says about her, has she?

I'd say "can you put that away please, I am talking to you, now isn't the time to be doing that".

I think it's one of those things she'll look back on in 5 years time and cringe at.

fluffyraggies · 04/03/2013 11:40

Not good. I'd have said something.

carabos · 04/03/2013 12:40

the passive-aggressive approach would be to say "would you like to come back when you're ready for this meeting?" and if she went away, say when she returned "you're late"...

Smellslikecatspee · 04/03/2013 14:03

That is shocking.

I really can't believe some people, even more so as a contractor.
People don't seem to understand what professional behaviour is, we have a lot of student placements I usually give them a bit of leeway at the start of their placement, but still point out to them nicely if they are acting unprofessionally.

But from a contractor. . do they really think that this creates a good impression.
She have to be pretty amazing at her job to come back from this

starsandunicorns · 04/03/2013 14:06

Iam shocked at that Im a temp worker and would never think of doing that.

Greydog · 04/03/2013 14:12

I used to run a team at work, and would have been appalled if anyone had done this. Totally out of order.

Original poster
Twitterqueen · 04/03/2013 14:31

Thank you! I am so glad it's not just me. The trouble is - and this is going to sound bitchy but it's true, she is one of those women who only responds to men. So a man walks into a room and she'll light up and start talking and laughing, but with me, she just ignores me. She ignores my IMs, my meeting requests and my advice.

I'm also old enough to suffer the ignominity of having 30+ year olds disregard me because I'm 'old' (which thankfully has happened only a few times), but aside from anything else I interviewed her so you would think she might be a little grateful....

She wasn't my choice, but she was my manager's...

Next time I will take the advice and a) stop talking and b) mention multi-tasking.

OP posts:
FireOverBabylon · 04/03/2013 16:38

do you have any other male managers who you could get on side with this, to stress that you need to be professional, not doe-eyed, to get on in her job?

StaticSockMonster · 04/03/2013 16:50

I think this is disgusting behaviour. Very unprofessional. I would have had to speak up about it.
Also, may I just saying twitterqueen, please don't think that all us 30+ ladies think you are old (or a witch)!
I really look up to most people (although not all) who are older than me. Especially who I work with as they generally have been there a lot longer than me and I appreciate their advice and comments.

SPBInDisguise · 04/03/2013 16:52

If your her mentor mentor her! Not sure how she's got to the age of 30 without knowing how to behave professionally but this is exactly the sort of thing she presumably has a mentor for

SPBInDisguise · 04/03/2013 16:53

you're

Something is going on with my grammar
I ust to be gud at it

Original poster
Twitterqueen · 04/03/2013 17:02

Thx static I probably can be a bit of witch sometimes Biscuit but not to someone new who's doing the job I was doing 9 months ago. I thought it would be great and that I could really save her all the trouble I had, because I didn't have anyone to help me.

SPB good point, but how do you mentor someone you see only only once every couple of months or so (we're remote workers) and who has clearly demonstrated that she has no time for me? And ignores my emails?

Fire I have made the point to my manager because I've learned over the years that it's really important to (appear to) be confident and assertive in the workplace and to be very clear about what you do and don't find acceptable.

OP posts:
Grinkly · 04/03/2013 17:30

I would keep an official looking folder of what your mentoring consisted of in case there are complaints from her in the future of not being told stuff - as she obviously won't take it in if she isn' listening plus I would throw in a few bits of verbal info which are totally wrong in the hope she looks a twerp

x2boys · 04/03/2013 17:38

i,m a mental health nurse we have a young girl who work,s casual shifts with lots of piercings its been mentioned to her several times but she cant seem to take the hint i,m not at all against body piercings each to their own etc, but i work on a psychiatric intensive care unit so very mentally unwell patients and at times agressive she just does not seem to get it that it just not appropriate or safe for thtat matter to wear her piercings at work

SPBInDisguise · 04/03/2013 17:39

You can't. IME mentoring only works if both sides are willing. So there's no point - it is a complete waste of both of your time.

SnotMeReally · 04/03/2013 17:45

surely your mentoring of her is part of her contract - so how can she get away with ignoring your emails etc?

I'd like to see what happened if I ignored emails trying to fix up my annual appraisal etc! or sat there doing my face!

her behaviour is unbelievable! I think it would be a good idea to keep minutes of any meetings you do have with her so she cant try fluttering her eyelashes at the men and saying so-and-so never told me that etc

if she is being so disrespectful when YOU interviewd her, she's obviously got some funny ideas!

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