or is it genuinely possible to be devastated by the loss (or potential loss)

[HairyHandedTrucker]

of a person you have never met?

I have notice a special kind of nastiness take hold on MN when someone passes away or is ill and people start a thread to discuss how upset they are.

they aren't your family

stop grief whoring

I am not saying some people aren't grief mongers.. I am just saying if a person and their family and friends and whole life have been in the media it is easy to emotionally feel as though you know the person

I mean how many of you cold heartless bastards have never cried during a movie or a book? And those aren't even real people? It's the same things isn't it? These people are characters in your life.

I'm not sure devastated is possible. Having experienced the devastation of losing a parent in my teenage years I can't imagine the fact that, for example, Princess Di was killed would have the same impact on the average joe.

Sadness yes, devastation definitely not.

I am not sure about devastation but a very strong physical and emotional reaction is possible. When I read on here about the death of one child (I had followed the thread for a long time without posting) I had to run to the kitchen sink to be sick. I cried a good while.

I am not sure you can be devastated about someone you hardly know if I heard about another 3 year old girl ( my DD is 3) getting cancer being killed I could well be very upset imagine how the mother is feeling i do have some idea as my younger brother died at 5, I was 18 so I remember pretty well but I do not think unless I heard about it again it would affect me weeks months down the line while if it was my own DD it would be more than months to deal with it

so temporary sympathy, upset is alright, but to be honest I am more upset by the thought of the state of fear kids in Syria are enduring than I would be about celeb XYZ

I have not been devastated as such but have sensed loss.

I havnt seen that on mumsnet actually.

If you can't empathise with people then you are obviously a very frightening person. Serial killers can't empathise.

Posters on here have lost children and their posts make me cry..

When dd was so badly injured last year I posted on mumsnet for help/advice/support. I have to say the love from strangers has been immensely helpful and supportive.

When my DF died after a long illness I was so taken up with the practicalities (and quite frankly, the relief that it was over) that there didnt seem to be room for grief.

Then a short while afterwards a character in a radio soap opera died. I was unusually and uncharacteristically upset by this.

I realised that the grief I was feeling was for my DF but it had got dislocated onto a fictional character. The grief for the fictional character was simpler. There was none of the relief, guilt, exhaustion, which was associated with DF's death.

I think there's a huge difference between "grief whoring" and feeling genuine sympathy.

I don't think it's wrong to feel sadness when something horrible happens to someone. It's human.

I've never heard the term 'grief whoring' before. I like it.

its called empathy.

It's a tough one, I know people who seem to actively seek people's most upsetting problems/experiences and use them as a reason to display their own upset and sensitivities, but then it's completely normal to be affected by others losses as it's triggering for lots of people. The overwhelming majority just want to offer a hand and reassure that you can get through it.

My gut tends to divide the groups and I think you can tell genuine empathy from band wagoning....

I empathise with WorriedTeenmum. Sorry for your loss. I recently lost my MiL. I find it complex dealing with my grief. Like I am numb. Then through work I finished my relationship with one client (which happens all the time in my job) and I was devastated, so sad, never to have any reason to see him again. I realised my work relationship with this guy was like an emotional crutch. However upset or stressed I was about MiL I could still think, "well at least I still have X in my life" and now he is not... I feel so sad. All out of proportion with who he is to me, but loss is loss.

WRT the guy who got beheaded and similar horror stories, isn't it possible that people are grieving their sense of equilibrium? It's possible to live life without really acknowledging the horror that the world holds, or that you might somehow be immune to it, or something. In fact it's probably necessary - but some events properly tear through that illusion. So they probably aren't 'grieving' for the guy, or the victim or whatever, but for some dearly held notion about the world being fair, making sense, etc.

I think it's possible to feel great sadness and to be upset even very upset and to grieve. But I don't think you can be "devastated" and to say you are is to cheapen the very real feelings of those who did know and love the person in question.

I've cried over the deaths of several Mumsnetters' children. Some of them I still think about years later. But I haven't been devastated.

I think it's possible, particularly if you have a similar family- for example when Edgar's DS died, I couldn't come on MN, because I was just too upset, and devastated for her. I have a child exactly the same age, and to know mine was still toddling around, smiling at me, living... I couldn't stop welling up, because it was so unfair for her family.

I wouldn't care about random children in the same way, but I had chatted to Edgar quite a bit, and when she'd posted about his symptoms, I had just assumed it was a typical childhood infection. Her family will always be in my thoughts.

very good point teenmum, it is often a trigger to release other feelings