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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell anyone bar DP when I go into labour?

75 replies

Dannilion · 03/03/2013 18:31

Just that really.

36 weeks PG with PFB and for some reason, I really don't want anyone to know when I go into labour. I feel like it would be an added pressure, I would get stressed out with the constant texts/phone calls and have this vision of DM turning up at the labour ward and pacing the corridors for what could potentially be days. Also, I know it's terribly pessimistic but if something (god forbid) were to go wrong, at least I wouldn't be being pressured for 'news', I could have a small bit of time to myself first.

I would much rather just call people when she has arrived, had her first feed and I am not covered in blood. I think it would be lovely to have that little private time just the 3 of us too.

DP thinks IABU, that my DM would be distraught if she didn't know and that it would piss other people off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dannilion · 03/03/2013 18:32

Obviously I would tell people my plan beforehand

OP posts:
mrsstewpot · 03/03/2013 18:34

YANBU - that is exactly what to do!

Good luck when the time comes!

Phineyj · 03/03/2013 18:34

No YNBU but you will probably get loads of texts and phone calls asking if the baby's here yet anyway -- it seems to be inevitable...

delilahlilah · 03/03/2013 18:37

YANBU. I didn't tell anyone other than DH. We just rang / text people as appropriate after he was born.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 03/03/2013 18:40

YANBU, it's your labour so do exactly what you want. It's all about you, your dp and your little bundle of joy.
Good luck

Crawling · 03/03/2013 18:42

I told my dm and thats it was hiding in the bathroom while in labour during the daily phonecalls asking if there was any sign while dp lied.

scrivette · 03/03/2013 18:42

I didn't tell anyone although it was 4am. I had already decided that we weren't going to let anyone know though.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 03/03/2013 18:44

Yeah dont tell anyone other than DH, a friend had her PFB last year and one of her friends kept texting constantly for updates, its just rude to keep pestering a woman in labour.

freddiefrog · 03/03/2013 18:46

YANBU

I didn't tell anyone that I'd gone into labour, DH rang round when the deed was done

We rang my mum when I had my second, but only because she looked after my eldest so had to meet us at the hospital at 2am

marzipananimal · 03/03/2013 18:48

We didn't tell anyone. I don't get why you would tell anyone unless you need to for childcare or something. I got told when my sis was in labour and then had a terrible night's sleep worrying as it was a VERY long labour

zlist · 03/03/2013 18:50

YANBU

It didn't occur to me to tell anyone. ILs knew as they were having our dog (mistake in hindsight - should have asked a neighbour!).

CruCru · 03/03/2013 18:51

Realistically, if you do tell them and it takes bloody days, they will be completely shattered by the time it's all over. Kinder to let them know afterwards.

erowid · 03/03/2013 18:52

This is my plan too. Just me, DH and the phone will be switched off.

MortifiedAdams · 03/03/2013 18:53

I went into labour early hours of the morning. At 11/12 noon ish dh text both sets of parents to say I was in labour and would be uncontactable. we would call once settled back on the ward. dd didnt arrive til 4am the following day and we werent pestered at all.

Also, if you dont want to be pesterered, turn off your phones when in tge hospital.

Yfronts · 03/03/2013 18:55

You are giving birth. He isn't, both your parents aren't either. The birth is about you and your baby. It's about a safe delivery and bonding. The whole event needs to be led by what makes you feel comfortable. A happy mother equals a happy baby. Anyone elses needs don't count one jot. Any midwife will tell you that. Your DH on the other hand should be concentrating on supporting you and making you feel relaxed.

Like almost everyone else I know, we told parents/friend a few hours after the event. We told people when we were ready post birth.

BikeRunSki · 03/03/2013 18:55

With DC1 it was 11.30pm, so I only told DH.

With DC2 it was 3pm, so I rang DH, he had to tell his boss and immediate colleagues. As we were in the way to the hospital a friend I hadn't seen for ages rang so I told her. And my friend who took DS knew too obviously!

Yfronts · 03/03/2013 18:58

Also telling people post birth meant they didn't have to worry/pester us. It was a done deed and our news was happy.

UnrequitedSkink · 03/03/2013 18:59

Your MIL won't be annoyed because by the time she finds out she will be the proud granny of a brand new baby girl and all will be forgiven! What does your DH think telling her is going to achieve anyway? It's not like there is anything she can do to help!

Florin · 03/03/2013 18:59

I went into labour 5 minutes after my due date at 5 minutes past midnight and ds was born at 6am. No one knew until we rang them after he arrived they were all surprised it had happened so fast, was nice just concentrating on us and knowing we would have a lovely surprise for them in the morning.

Neighbourhoodwatchbitch · 03/03/2013 19:00

I didn't tell anyone... My mum text me at about 4pm that day and asked if there was any sign... I got DP to text back and say I was lying on the sofa watching deal or no deal! I don't think anyone believed me when I said I wasn't going to tell anyone!

He rang everyone when baby arrived just before 7.

My mum is a worrier and I didn't want her to be worried about me!

I got onto the ward at about 10 and my mum visited the next day with my sister, his family visited the day after when I was home!

GreatSoprendo · 03/03/2013 19:04

Yup - that's my plan too. DC1 due in 4 weeks and we won't be letting anyone at all know when I'm in labour. They will all get a call from DP when it's all over and we are settled. We also have no plans to discuss this 'plan' with DM or DMiL beforehand.

So if you are BU, then so am I! Good luck Smile

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 03/03/2013 19:09

Yanbu but please not not tell people this is your plan. They will not be pleased and you'll just have extra hassle and calls just in case as well as a mardy mum

CheddarGorgeous · 03/03/2013 19:11

YANBU, we didn't, no pressure from anyone.

VinegarDrinker · 03/03/2013 19:26

We weren't planning to, but ended up phoning FiL who lives round the corner to ask for a lift to hospital as both of us had had a couple of glasses of wine Blush (would've called a cab but my waters were literally gushing and I didn't want to soak the seats!). So we called the rest, then they all went to bed and we called them the next morning to say he'd arrived.

With this one we'll have to let someone know as we'll need childcare for DS1.

DoJo · 03/03/2013 19:27

We were really lucky in as much as the 'new baby' ward at our local hospital was closed to visitors due to the norovirus, so there was no question of anyone coming to the hospital - we told them when they could visit after he was born (ended up being nearly a week as we weren't released for 4 days and then needed time to establish feeding) and it seemed a very civilised way of going about it. I certainly think that if/when I have another I will tell people that I don't want visitors at the hospital and let them see the baby once we have both had a chance to recover a bit.