Hi I have Nc for this as feel a bit embarrassed, I guess I just want to explore these feelings, I think it might be a familiar scenario.
Some years ago I had a weird on-off affair with a man who I eventually realised 'wasn't that into me'. We were attracted to each other and shared the same group of friends. I never knew when he was going to pop up, I wouldn't hear from him for months then he'd appear ready to wine and dine me. I never had sex with him as I kind of knew I'd probably end up hurt if I did.
He hehaviour was that of a typical commitment-phobe and he confided in me that he'd already lost 'the love of his life' due to being indecisive about future plans. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to settle abroad or not and it was doing my head in so I ended it and met dh shortly after.
Once I started a relationship with dh I bumped into the 'ex' who told me that he'd landed his dream job in our town and was staying for good. He also told me he'd been falling in love with me and was gutted I'd met someone else. This played on my mind for a bit, wondering what might have been but I'd already made the decision to be with dh.
Fast forward a few years, I now have 3 kids and on the whole am happily married although parenting has knocked the stuffing out of me and dh and our marriage isn't exactly exciting or passionate.
The 'ex' and I haven't crossed paths in years, we still have mutual friends but i don't see them as often.
I did the stupid Facebook thing last night having a nosey at his profile and the page was full of congratulations to him and his partner on the recent birth of their baby.
Of course I hadn't known she was pregnant and it's none of my business, it was a non-relationship for us from the beginning so why do I feel so strange about it? It's not exactly shock or jealousy, I am happy with my beautiful family and wouldn't change that for the world, I don't know if its disappointment or nostalgia but I know that this feeling makes me feel like an ingrate, which is why I have nc and can't discuss it irl!