AIBU to think this....please be honest but nice

[leaharrison11]

Ok always been to scared to post here but i need to know if im right or not so hit me with it. Ill try to keep it brief.

My DS is 15 months old and his dad is horrendous in my eyes, he didnt want DS didnt see him till 3 months old and then just came when he wasnt with his friends or had anything better to do, any who i went to a solicitor as i want DS to have a farther in his in life, he know see's DS 5 hours a week on a suday.

He is currently not working and is going out at least 3 times a week , gambling, playing golf, basically blowing his last remaining money, he is currently still paying the tenner a week maintenance but admitted he spent 400 pound last week so its not going to last much longer, he also lives for free in his nans bedroom doesnt pay for food, bills, nothings and his having his driving lessons paid for! He is 22 ! But what has got me so angry is that he has DS today and went on an all day/night binge last night.

AIBU to think that as a farther he should of stayed in last night to be fresh for DS and also not be blowing his money and take responsibilities and actually act like a farther ??

Of course not, he sounds like a waste of space. But you won't be able to change him, unfortunately. If he's really so uninterested and unwilling to take responsibility then he's probably not adding a great deal to your son's life anyway.

yanbu in thinking your ex should make more effort
i think some might say yabu in letting him look after your ds while in a state, is what what you were scared of?
I am not sure he is worth anything to your ds if he is always like this.

He's not interested in being a father. Sad but true. Is there anything about him that you think would be a positive influence on your son? I'd forget about him and concentrate on building a secure and happy life for you and your son.

Sort out proper financial support ASAP - go through the CSA.

You cant force someone to be a father; you cannot dictate that he will be a good influence and all that goes with being a decent parent. You can hope for it. I fail to see how a solicitor can force the Ex to be a father either.

Although why you would want to pack your son off with this bloke for 5 hours a weekend is beyond me. He doesnt want to be a father.

What his nan buys him, or subsidises him, is none of your business how she spends her money I'm afraid, nor are his living arrangements. Harsh, and I realise you are just painting the picture of general fecklessness.

I have told him of he looks rough or i can smell amy ale he wont be taking him so im not worried about that, there is no postive just that i dont want to be the person to take my sons dad away, i did at one point as he threw his while DS was in my arms but threw solicitors we did supervised visits and built to this he doesnt want any longer with DS and turned down mediation but see DS as a prize and actual text me yday saying " i have H 5 hours a week be glad for that" . I know he only see's DS to look good in the eyes of his family he is very spoilt as i have shown ! I just dont no what to do for the best anymore

He sounds very immature and self centred.
His family shouldn't be enabling this behaviour imo!
If that was my son, I would be kicking his arse out the house at 8.30am daily and sending him to the job centre!

No job, living at Nan's, doesn't support his son.
What a tosser catch he sounds!

You on the other hand, sound like a very nice Mum. Lucky escape you've had there

Could you talk to Nan? Can she straighten him out a bit do you think?
Having a hangover when you only see your baby for a few hours a week, is not ideal, to say the least.

He may lose interest. Either that, or ds will grow up and realise his Dad is a loser (like I did) and cut him out his life himself.

Or, I suppose there is always the unlikely possibility that he grows up and realises that he neede to be a man for his boy?

Best of luck

Holly its mot that i want to pack him off i HATE him going but its signed for and i feel lucky its only 5 hours as at one point EX was saying how he was going to have him 3 times a week as he is apparently aloud that, just to hurt me, he is a very nasty man and im just trying to do best by my son

Sorry to hear that your DP is a lousy father but you cant make somebody become a better more responsible parent, it has to come from the heart. Sounds like he just isn't prepared to be that better person.

Of course he shouldn't have gone on a all night drinking binge but my advice would be, as heartbreaking as it is, dont get fixated on your DP seeing your son if he isn't up to the responsibility. I'd be more worried that my DS was with somebody who was clearly not up to the task, as in being tired and hungover and personally would not leave any child in their charge

Why do you want a man (who by your own admission wants nothing to do with your son, is a lazy, useless and irresponsible person) in your sons life?

Children learn from the adults around them, do you want him growing up thinking this is a good way to live your life.

Yanbu in thinking he shouldn't be this way, but you and your son aren't going to change him

I dont , i did at first but then i stopped him seeing DS after the phone incident and lies and his incapability to be responsible but his mother MADE him goto the solicitors and she wrote all his letter then because he was then saying he would have DS 3 days a week to hurt me and to take DS away from me i got scared and put in the 5 hours offer along with an invite to mediation , he took that offer straight away and declined mediation so i do feel lucky its only 5 hours now but i just dont no what i can do for the best anymore in the eyes of a judge partying wouldnt affect it and he could then get granted more time of i stopped contact again ?